Author Topic: Concerned and Seeking Answers..  (Read 4221 times)

BleedingNemo

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Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« on: February 22, 2009, 09:42:04 pm »
Hello Monstrous community. I come seeking your help for I am at a loss. However I feel that you should know all of the background events that have lead up to this before I can fully explain.

Approximately 5 years ago I was meddling with things I really should not have been with my extremely limited knowledge at the time and ended up with more than I bargained for. I was truly  foolish. Now what exactly it is that has been sharing all too much of my personal space, I'm not sure. It has always claimed to be a demon but there has not been anything to dis/prove that.

Shortly after, I sought psychiatric help, or rather was forced by my mother after I began behaving strangely. After a few years of various tests and medications it feels as if I've exhausted the medical community in search of an explanation. Unfortunately nothing helped. And that has lead me to believe it is supernatural.

Again, I've never had any concrete proof to support the claim that it is a demon, although I cannot deny that it's likely. After all, we have had quite a while to get to know each other if you will. If this thing does have a main goal or objective, it's very reluctant to share it. I have asked in the past and the only response I get on the matter is “I am simply enjoying myself”. For the most part, life's carried on as normally as possible since I realized that seeing countless doctors wasn't helping. I'm still able to attend college, hold a job, and have a relationship.despite its presence. It is safe to say that it's relatively non-disruptive to my everyday life. Occasionally it will get bored and that's when things tend to get interesting but otherwise there are no problems. At least up until recently.

About two months or so ago I noticed that something was starting to change. It wasn't happening too often and the length of time was constantly varying. It might only last for an hour one day and another it would be for the majority. What I'm referring to is a bit tricky to explain and I hope I can do it justice. The feeling is very strange. I'm conscious and aware of everything from my thoughts to my actions to my mannerism. What is wrong though is that none of them belong to me. Sometimes I'm able to regain full control and other times I am not. When I have spoken to my boyfriend about what happens he compares it to the way the thing behaves.

This leads me to the reason why I am here asking for your assistance. I realize the possibility of this being entirely in my head is quite real, and I may actually be ready to be shipped off to the funny farm. However if it's not then something's seriously wrong. Is it possible for something like this to take gradually take over?? If so is there any way for me to stop that from happening other than by ridding myself of it??

I feel I should also mention that permanent removal is not an option as I am not allowed.

So please, any thoughts you have, I am open to whatever you think may help and truly appreciate it!
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts~

BleedingNemo

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2009, 09:57:43 pm »
This is going to sound rather pathetic but my boyfriend won't let me.
As we live together, it would be very hard to do it without him knowing.
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts~

Aniyu

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2009, 05:04:00 am »
Then if he won't let you remove it(speaking that you know how) then you are at loss. I was given serpentine(a stone) to help control some of my shifting urges. Serpentine is soposed to help ward off demons. It may help in your case, or piss what ever is following you off. 
There is another world inside of me that you may never see and part of me is fighting this....yet part of me is gone.

Rainbow

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2009, 06:40:07 am »
This is going to sound rather pathetic but my boyfriend won't let me.
As we live together, it would be very hard to do it without him knowing.

Why your boyfriend don't let you get rid of it??? that sounds strange...
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Countess

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2009, 07:15:26 am »
Rainbow is right, it's suspicous that he doesn't want you to pursue removing it. However, he is not your legal guardian or parent so he actually has no right to stop you. Whatever the case may be, possession or psychology, this needs to be dealt with for your own safety. If your boyfriend has a problem with that then well, I'd be equally concerned about his position.

Amaya

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2009, 08:47:55 am »
I agree with Countess and Rainbow. It sounds suspicious. Could you tell us his reason why he doesn't want you to rid yourself of it? That may change things...or at least help us understand a little more.

BleedingNemo

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2009, 09:43:46 am »
There are two reasons he has.
He's incredibly fond of it.
The way he put, it would be more dangerous for me to get rid of it than to keep it.
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts~

Rainbow

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2009, 10:07:07 am »
Sorry to tell you, but it sounds like your boyfriend is more in love with the it than with you... not ment to make you feel bad o angry... but how can he say that it will be less dangerous to not get rid of it... thats a lie...
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Countess

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2009, 10:12:59 am »
The fact that he is "fond" of this whatever it is makes me even more concerned. This is NOT about him, it is about YOU. Yes, if it is a spirit, getting rid of it can be dangerous but far less dangerous than keeping it. The simple fact is, it is inside you not him so what he wants doesn't matter. This is your life & you have to make the decision. Seek medical & psychiatric help, if those end up being dead ends, turn to the spiritual side. What does he mean he is "fond" of it? What is it about this thing that makes him think you should leave it alone? His behavior is making me suspicious that he may have something to do with this thing. Whether he is under it's influence or in some other way is involved with it.

Rainbow

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2009, 10:26:50 am »
Countess is right, it seems like he have something to do with it... I felt that vibe since I read your post
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Vince_03
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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2009, 05:58:23 pm »
if you think that this is a demon, have you considered an exorcism? listen, keeping that thing is dangerous but as other have said, far less dangerous if you remove it. keep it and you'll pay the price.

suspicions are high here that your bf may have something to do with it. is he in any cult or is into the occult that you know of?
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Romise

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2009, 11:19:55 pm »
if you think that this is a demon, have you considered an exorcism? listen, keeping that thing is dangerous but as other have said, far less dangerous if you remove it. keep it and you'll pay the price.

suspicions are high here that your bf may have something to do with it. is he in any cult or is into the occult that you know of?
I would absolutly agree.. from everythign I've heard it sounds like it's a posession and the only way is to be exorcised. Has it given you it's name just out of curiosity?
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jordyn

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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2009, 07:05:22 am »
first, make sure you yourself are grounded, focused and sure enough to be rid of this thing, and double check your emotions since it seems to be using your boyfriend to help it keep you hooked, then surround yourself with good things, as pushy as your mom may be, family that loves you for you are amazing inspirations to be free, as your mom demonstrated making you go to a psychologist.

and then figure out what's up with your boyfriend, explain to him that it's tearing you apart, they live off you, take your energy and leaving you with hollow emotions and feelings of loss and hopelessness, the frustration, hurt and confusion added by your boyfriends refusal to see what it's doing just makes it stronger, but if he still chooses it over you, i think deep down you know what the better choice is....it doesn't necessarily need any point, it's being kept fat and full with two people to play against each other, let him know your feelings, and that your life and sanity is more important than both of them.

exorcisms, banishment rituals and all that other hoopla really won't do any good if either you or someone around you is keeping it there or you don't have enough faith in your own strength of will to send it away, we were created with an amazing amount of will, so use it...most disagree with me, but if you've designated it a demon, go to the demon experts to resolve the issue, research demonology, more witchery will just placate it and possibly invite more, go to it's source to conquer it, use what made made it to defeat it. 

the only danger being free from them is having your good emotions back, it's an unsettling feeling at first and expect a lot of tears, they're a good sign though, your regaining union with what makes you a human and worlds stronger than psychic parasites, once you acknowledge how weak they are needing us to exist, it's easy to be rid of them.
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Vince_03
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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2009, 10:51:44 am »
if you think that this is a demon, have you considered an exorcism? listen, keeping that thing is dangerous but as other have said, far less dangerous if you remove it. keep it and you'll pay the price.

suspicions are high here that your bf may have something to do with it. is he in any cult or is into the occult that you know of?

Interesting. You sound just like how medieval Catholics approached schizophrenia. The boy who criticizes Christians so openly is now talking like them. Most intriguing.

when you say exorcism, it's generally a ritual driving out a demon or some evil spirit. it doesn't exactly have have to coincide with christianity or any religion for that matter
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Vince_03
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Re: Concerned and Seeking Answers..
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2009, 08:43:11 pm »
EDITED FOR OFF TOPIC POST
« Last Edit: March 06, 2009, 08:45:17 pm by Mr. Kreepy »
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger