Author Topic: What's wrong with me? What am I?  (Read 2111 times)

LeXtruX

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What's wrong with me? What am I?
« on: September 09, 2009, 06:39:36 am »
First off, thank you Marcus to validate my account. And hi to everyone.

Ok, now to get to the point.
For as long as I can remember I've been different, I've been browsing the topics of this forum and suddenly some pieces of the puzzle started to match.
First of all, I always noticed my endurance is abnormal... No matter how though it is, how hard it is for me, how broken I am, or even if there is no possible way to get through it I keep having that bit of energy to go that last mile and even far beyond.
A lifetime example is that on a certain day I was dizzy, feeling I would faint, so I went to the doctor, he messured my bloodpressure which was abnormaly low, seriously, only me being able to sit on that chair was a mystery to my doctor...
He asked me how I got there and I told him I went by bike. He then told me that I should have fainted just getting out of bed with my low bloodpressure.

Also, and I'm not into many fights though, every fight I ever was in I never got beaten up, they keep hitting me, but it has no effect, if you don't count bruises.
This happened twice, first time I got beaten for about 10 minutes, they couldn't knock me out.
The 2nd time I got a headbutt (oh and I never fought back btw) and my nose was broken, and I don't drink alcohol, so I wasn't under influence. It didn't hurt 1 bit, I even put my own nose straight by myself...

Also I always have this weird craving and thirst, this made me gain weight, because nothing I eat seems to lessen those cravings, but when I eat raw meat (like raw steak) it does still my hunger a bit.
I always have the taste of blood in my mouth Oo.
but I have a natural aversion of evil things, so things don't add up for me Oo
I know demons exist, I can feel pressences, sometimes I see vague figures in the dark (not complete dark)
Also someone here said that halfdemons are often considered autistic? and euhm, guess what... I am actually considered being autistic...
Now I don't want to jump to conclusions on that part, but I have so much energy piled inside of me that without ritaline it doesn't flow right, my chakra streams are overloaded when te ritaline wears out, before I started taking ritaline I had these feelings too btw, so it isn't a side effect of the meds kicking out.

Next point: my senses... I can see in the dark! not with eyes, but with my touch (vibrations) and sound... And talking about sound... I can hear electricity... I can feel very vague vibrations shaking up my body...
Can someone give me advice of what or who I am? Is there a way I can learn to control my energy overdose, because when there is less light somewhere I am able to see distortion around my body once the ritaline has worn off. It looks a lot like seeing the heat above a road in hot summor, or the distortion you see in the winter watching around a fire...
It looks like that...
I also have the feeling I'm chained, like my body is chained up, it presses to my chest, it sometimes pulls my back, things like that.

I've been looking for what this could be for years and now I found this site and I have the feeling I will find the answer here?

I hope to see comments soon on what you guys think what's wrong with me, or what I am^^
Fight for those you've lost and fight for those you don't want to lose! -LeXtruX-
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ravinclaw

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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2009, 07:08:40 am »
as far as the endurance thing goes, with a strong will we can push our bodys much further than most of us think we can.

welcome to monstrous, I hope you find the answers you seek.

LeXtruX

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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2009, 07:22:39 am »
I understand, but I did went way over the limits of human capabilities...
The doctor called my mom to pick me up, said the trip by bike could have been my dead (heart failure and things like that, also not being able to see straight)
Everything was blurred and yet I was well aware of my surroundings and I saw things clearly (it's a sort of paradox) my reflexes were just as fast.
It's like I didn't see with my eyes, but that was clear, still I had a clear view of my surroundings?
My parents told me the same as you do though, but it was way low, sitting up would even faint the stongest of men and for normal people like I tought I always was just looking up would make them faint...
I don't remember the exact pressure because everyone keeps telling me that the pressure value I remember should mean I would die
I remember clearly that the doctor said my pressure was 36.6...
In the years I started to doubt, because you know that if you keep being told a lie is true, you'll end up believing the lie...
But I am still sure he said 36.6! I would bet my every possession for it Oo
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Moloch

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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2009, 07:28:59 am »
There is nothing supernatural about any of this, as I said in my PM to you. Keep working on yourself, and you will improve.

LeXtruX

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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2009, 07:52:14 am »
btw moloch, you told me something about me being schizophrenic, I've actually been tested on that and I'm quite the opposite...
But I have autism (considering I'm really autistic) so I have bad filters, so at low light (not complete darkness though) I can see things that normally do not overrule the more visible data coming into my brain... at low light there is less chaos of colors and then I actually see a lot better, you know, it's dark, but you can still see everything?
Even so, I think I might redo the test though, but I'm actually really self aware and I can keep pushing my limits on and on and on and on...
Even so 36.6 bloodpressure is very low, you should know a BP below 90 is considered to be checked upon regularly (not by doctor) to see if it happens a lot...
at 36.6 having a physical activity like riding a bike could mean you get a heart failure (most likely) it's not that I did not look things up about bloodpresure drops at that time ;)

But other than that, it was only shortly afterwards I realized what my endurance is like, when I got beaten up by kids of school (I was 14 at the time and believe me, the kids beating on me were like really muscled), I started roaming the net then ofcourse to look up what could have been the causes of that anomaly in my life...
At the time I did think it was because of the adrenaline. But 2 weeks later I had a anger burstout at school and I kicked at a fireproof door (massive doors to prevent fire from spreading)
I kicked a pit (don't know the right word, but it's like the opposite of a bruise) in the door.
Now at the time it could be the adrenaline canceling out the pain right? But the pain did last for weeks...
I still was able to walk normally. and to add to that, if you would see me when I was that age, I was like this kid you could throw away for 10 meters with 1 hand...
I was naive then, so I tought I was just lucky that the pain wasn't too bad that I was able to walk on that, I wasn't the type to ask many questions...

Now I do think somewhere there is a reasonable explanation, if  you know this tell me please:)
about the energy, I think it also boosts my endurance, but my energy seems te never run out, but I mean never.
I am currently recovering from a very serious depression, I got through half of highschool in a deep depression, you most likely wouldn't be able to keep up what I did, you'd probable would have changed classes to an easier course...
I just kept going, I felt like I could go on, but somehow I kept/keep going.
So, if there is any unnatural thing about me (for example me having more spiritual energy than most people) I would like to learn to control it :)

And last but not least, I really feel a lot better I can finaly discuss all of this with other people without being looked upon as being a mental case...
Fight for those you've lost and fight for those you don't want to lose! -LeXtruX-
"Yes, I made my avatar... Yes I made everything myself, and No I did not use any existing pictures" ^_^

LeXtruX

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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2009, 02:33:59 pm »
Ok I want to thank Moloch for his advise... but euhm, I've tried search and all, but I can't really find your old topics...
Also, I have noone I know that knows anything about these things, so basicly I'm searching in the dark atm...
Moloch says I'm just a powerfull human without a lineage in this branche, and I feel ok with that, it actually grants me peace knowing this so I think he is right about that, but since I'm the first known powerfull human in the family I don't really have someone to teach me...
Anyone looking for an apprentice on the matter of human spiritual energy and how to control it???
Also, I do have the feeling I have what it takes to hunt/vanquish dark creatures, not saying I'm worth it, but I feel I can learn nevertheless.
So basicly I'm the first known in my bloodline that's looking for someone to lay down his knowledge upon me???
Fight for those you've lost and fight for those you don't want to lose! -LeXtruX-
"Yes, I made my avatar... Yes I made everything myself, and No I did not use any existing pictures" ^_^

MrMystery

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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2010, 12:53:28 am »
Hey dude. So, you are a special human or something? Lol. Can you read my thread in the Idle and tell me what you think? Since you research so many stuff, i want to know whether my case is possible or not. If it's not true, just kindly tell me. Don't scold me or anything cos i am telling the truth.
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markus
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Re: What's wrong with me? What am I?
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2010, 09:51:11 am »
MrMystery

Just a word of advise, please do not post in threads /  topics that are over a month old

It is called Bumping Dead Threads


http://www.monstrous.com/forum/index.php/topic,7090.0.html

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