By David Dietle Aug 17, 2010

Let's pretend for a moment that zombies are real (as if half of you weren't already daydreaming about that very thing). Have you noticed how most zombie movies take place only after the apocalypse is in full-swing? By the time we join our survivors, the military and government are already wiped out, and none of the streets are safe.

There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense. If you let the creeping buzzkill of logic into the zombie party, you realize the zombies would all be re-dead long before you even got a chance to fire up that chainsaw motorcycle you've been working on. Why?

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Awesome Cracked article!

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[ViciouslyMe]

It is a really great article and everything, but at thesame time its assuming that zombies will be the creatures we have envisioned them to be. Theres no telling what characteristics they would have until anything like it actually happened. Other movies/stories have made the spread of infection be not just by bite, but by blood or even airborne. Then theres the horrible ones where its by popular drug or sound frequency. And assuming there wasn't any kind of panic, whos to say zombies will noticably decay quickly? I don't remember in any of the movies them checking if a zombie's heart started up again. And the decay process couldgo unnoticed until said person is taken to a safer, more populated area. And, while I could go on and on, I'd rather stop rambling. Great article.

[Delamorte]

Even the CDC issued a Zombie Apocoliptic survival guide.  How strange.

[onepiece]

@Devious Viper. Cool post but, think. This wouldn't count if the zombie thing was an epidemic (idk if i said that right)
a virus that passes from human to human through air, and only some people may be immune to it. (so you would be outnumbered, if you were immune)
that is one point and the other is:
its about the slow zombies, what about the fast ones that have they'r instinct left. You know that's a different part of the brain (symbolically speaking)

Even the CDC issued a Zombie Apocoliptic survival guide.  How strange.

It was a prank to get attention.

[davidn13]

@ onepiece

We have gas masks (not enough for everybody, but that's what the military is for), and even if they were "alive", humans aren't designed like animals-no natural weapons, poor senses/ predatory skills...so even with numbers, they'd lack the ability to use any sort of tactic beyond a simple ambush, at most.

The zombie apocalypse is probably one of the cooler ways for it to end, but also the most unlikely to actually work if it even starts.

[ViciouslyMe]

I think you're assuming too much with that davidn13. Humans don't actually have poor senses/predatory skills, its just since most people have no need, they tend to go "dormant" so to speak. And natural defenses? Why would a zombie need this if its taking down others without natural defenses? Also a lot of people would fall due to the shock of it all. Its very important to understand how people react when in a panic.

[davidn13]

True, although maybe I'm just speaking from my point of view, as opposed to how most people would react. If I saw someone drooling and bug-eyed, let alone eating somebody, I wouldn't stand around gawking.
If it comes down to it, I'm sure the military would just nuke where ever the infestation was.

[ViciouslyMe]

It would take too long for that decision to be made, by which then they would be unable to do so. And I'm not saying anyone would stand around gawking, but having a loved one ripped apart before your eyes, then returning to life and attempting to do the same to you can be pretty traumatizing. And what would you do if you destroy the brain and it doesn't die? Perhaps panic, some might go into a frenzied denial, continuing to attempt to kill. And even if it does kill them, what makes you think you could take them on? Who's to say that whoever it is you're fighting off isn't someone you know, and that that alone would be enough to make you unable to think straight. Or even keep a steady hand. Again, its something you don't know until put into a similar situation.

I dunno bout you, but Id grab my friends and of to Winchester Pub and drink the bar until its all over xD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK17r6hN96k

[davidn13]

Depends on what kind of zombies I'm dealing with in the end.
slow moving pieces of rotting meat...time to practice my marksmanship skill's.
fast moving, but mindless cannibals...kill anything that gets in my way when I'm leaving.
evil dead super-zombies...leave town, don't bother with a real fight.

Depends on what kind of zombies I'm dealing with in the end.
slow moving pieces of rotting meat...time to practice my marksmanship skill's.
fast moving, but mindless cannibals...kill anything that gets in my way when I'm leaving.
evil dead super-zombies...leave town, don't bother with a real fight.

Hm, wouldnt it be better to practice with the fast moving ones? Find a nest somewhere higher and take them down way before they get to your hand reach. More effective if you ask me

and in case of evil dead super zombies straight from Hell... well, then maybe better to simply put a whole in the ol gabber xD

[Bane Bloodfang]

Interesting but most of it is common sense and relates to cliche zombies. All I have to say to this thread is," I am Legend"