Dead... And Not So Dead > Near-death experiences

near death experiances- tell us yours

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cursed1:
I can not put a name to the experience I had.  Near Death Experience just doesn't seem to fit as it was unlike any NDE I had heard about before.

In this experience, I felt as if I was staring death in the face.  Death, as defined by the dictionary, is "the state of being dead."  What I now know about death is that it is an experience in and of itself, just as birth is.  In the process of dying, it seems that your "mind's eye" becomes totally active.  By this, I mean to say that you become aware of an infinite number of things which most people will never see, feel, or know throughout the course of their natural lives.

Now, once again I would like to remind you that I would not call my own experience an NDE really.  It felt more like an awakening.  Of course, at the time, I truly felt myself dying... but at the same time I knew I had a choice -- hold on and fight it, or submit and die.  A part of me felt as if I were the rope in a game of tug-of-war, as there were definitely two distinct forces influencing me.  One of these forces was dark and frightful and seemed to surround me and flow within me.  My eyesight literally changed throughout this whole experience -- the room was very dark, although it was dusk and I was right next to a window.  The air became stale, and I had the worst case of "cold sweat" you could ever imagine.  I could not control my physical body, at least not fully.  I could only make very small movements and even those took an amazing amount of strength and determination to perform.  I did feel my astral body though; or what some may refer to as a "soul."  

As I sit here and type this, I feel my fingers tapping the keys... my wrists resting on the desk the keyboard is sitting on, my backside sore from the stool I sit on.  I feel the rush of cool air (from the air conditioner behind me) on the back of my right leg, and the bug bites on my right hand and the back of my neck.  I feel that my lips are chapped and that my back is sore from sitting here hunched over at the computer screen.  I would not have felt any of these things at the time of my... experience.  I feel my body right now, and that is where my conciousness lies.  During my experience, my conciousness was somewhere else... deeper within me.  I had a different body and felt different than I ever had felt before.

Anyway, back to the point.  This dark force ran through me and was all around me... and I felt (and saw) a specific dark presence behind me towards the opposite corner of the room... as if it were "death" waiting to take my soul.  There were other dark presences within the room; less significant and bearing less of a presence than the aforementioned.  At first, this was the only presence I felt.  Regardless of this presence, I also felt so alone... moreso than I have ever felt in my life.  I felt hopeless, as if things were no longer in my control; yet despite this strong feeling of hopelessness I hung on to life desperately and fought death every step of the way.

I reached a specific point where I felt as if I was being drained out of my physical body, and taken elsewhere.  It was at this point that my life began flashing through my mind with stunning clarity.  I relived specific moments in the course of my life which I had totally forgotten until then, and I felt things as if I was truly experiencing them in reality... not just in my mind.  I began having visions of things which words can not explain.  I also had visions of, and felt the real presence of, people who are important to me in my life.  Through these visions, feelings, thoughts, memories, and the totality of the experience in itself, I had realized what is truly important in life and since this experience I have a definite change in my values (but I will get to that later.)  I saw my mother, and my soul mate/lover, more than anyone else.  I felt them as if they were standing before me (at different times, not both at once).  I never truly understood the meaning of "life flashing before your eyes" before death until I experienced it myself.  It was nothing like what the movies makes it out to be, and it can not be accurately described in words (by anyone, including myself).  This entire experience is something you simply can not visualize or imagine, even if you are the most creative mind on the planet.  It simply defies what we know to be real.  That is as best as I can put it.

With all this, I felt certain that I was to die.  I remember specifically saying to myself, in my mind, "I'm going to die," and "This is what death is."  At this point, when I felt the final death of my physical body could come at any moment... I felt the second presence.  When I referred to this as a game of tug-of-war, with me being the rope... I meant that there was a force pulling me in each direction... one towards death and one towards life... as certainly I felt directly in between the two throughout this experience.  For those of you who are religious, you might say that this second presence was God.  The first, dark presence, you may call whatever you want.  I can not explain in words how this was but... they did not seem to be totally opposing forces.  I think the best way to describe how I understood things to be is that... first off let's just say for argument's sake that it was God.  I felt then as if God was testing me.  This second presence, or God, was truly the powerful and controlling force here... but I felt as if it was his will that I confront these forces of darkness which HE sent.  It is hard to explain, and if anyone is interested I will explain it more... I just simply do not wish to take so much time explaining this part of the story alone.

Anyhow, I visualized and saw before me a sky of brilliant orange with a deep purple haze, and brilliant clouds of silver.  There was a deep and brilliant white light with a presence of its own which shone through the clouds, pulsing with the "voice" which I "heard" as well.  I quote these words because there truly was no voice and I really heard nothing, but I felt the words and thoughts being transmitted to me... if that makes any sense to you guys.  Again, I remind you that words really can not describe this experience.  Imagine a voice inside your head... but one that sends chills down your spine and butterflies in your stomach every time you hear it.  I heard with my mind, not with my ears.  It was powerful, and had a "presence" which no living being has.  Unexplainable, I can't even begin to put words to this.  Whether this was "God" or not was unimportant, truly.  I had no thoughts of Jesus Christ or The Bible or Christianity or anything.  I understood that this was a presence which no human could accurately describe, letalone understand.  I felt no regret for being an Atheist all my life and had the disctinct feeling that everything was alright and I had done nothing terribly wrong in simply believing what I believed.  I learned and understood that few living beings are meant to understand or even encounter this presence and that throughout the course of each individual creature's lifetime on this planet they are not meant to spend their time "worshipping" a higher power, pretending they understand it and that everything is set in stone (as is in the bible), but rather that we are meant to receive assistance through more subtle means by this/these higher power(s).  

I am still an Atheist (technically) and I feel right about this largely due to the experience I am describing now.  By this though I don't mean that I believe in nothing, but I mean this in the true definition of the word "Atheist," at least as I believe it should be.  I simply do not believe in RELIGION, and rightly so due to this experience and the things I was told, shown, and made to feel.  And I do not believe in God, as it is made out to be in Christianity or any earthly religion for that matter.  I know God does not exist in the way that people commonly believe.  I felt it, in a different way, in how it really is.  It truly takes an open mind to understand though and I do not claim to understand the complexity of this to its full extent.

Anyway I actually have to go now something important came up.  I will post more on this later IF anyone wishes me to do so.  Just thought I would share.

Zak Roy Yoballa:
That is an interesting story cursed1 and I'm glad your still alive to tell it!  You know I have to disagree with you, respectfully, and hope and PRAY that you will change your mind on the whole God/Jesus thing.  It did strike me as odd that you said this was like no other NDE you have ever had.  You are one lucky (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) person to have had several close calls!

ZRY

cursed1:

--- Quote from: Zak Roy Yoballa ---That is an interesting story cursed1 and I'm glad your still alive to tell it!  You know I have to disagree with you, respectfully, and hope and PRAY that you will change your mind on the whole God/Jesus thing.  It did strike me as odd that you said this was like no other NDE you have ever had.  You are one lucky (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) person to have had several close calls!

ZRY
--- End quote ---


Well, I have had many close calls and brushes with death or near death, but what I was actually trying to say was that it was unlike any other NDE I have ever read or heard about.  The experiences of others that is.

As far as God/Jesus... things were shown to me, things were said to me... and none involved Jesus or anything from the bible, so therefore I have no reason to begin to slap labels on things.  In fact, I may be meant NOT to believe through this experience... I will explain more later... I JUST got home from a 700 mile road trip and I really don't feel like thinking too much.

Anyway yes this was definitely my closest brush with death yet I believe.

Queen raina Loup-Garou:
I,ve been shot by a hunter while i was out hicking in the woods. only my shoulder though. this guy was a dumb ass.

Zak Roy Yoballa:

--- Quote from: Queen raina Loup-Garou ---I,ve been shot by a hunter while i was out hicking in the woods. only my shoulder though. this guy was a dumb ass.
--- End quote ---


How bad did it hurt?

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