Monstrous
Monstrous Books => The Monstrous Library => Topic started by: thefang1 on August 14, 2008, 12:40:10 PM
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I've posted 2 threads on specific poems already, and because I don't feel like spamming the topics list, I've decided to start my own poetry thread. Here's a poem that I particularly like, i wrote it two years ago, and was the first true poem I ever wrote of my own accord.
There was a man of great and terrible prowess,
Who sat and watched from all the tallest towers,
And because it was said none could defeat him,
All the lords consented to seat him,
Upon the throne to their great kingdom.
And there he sat,
And watched and waited,
And pain and lust he would brew.
Until war he declared,
On another nation.
And at the last decisive battle,
Seated upon his glorious saddle,
Felled was the lord of greed and lust,
Felled by a man he most did trust,
His aide-in-arms, his comrade in battle,
Pierced his heart and threw him from his saddle,
His blood ran thick his corpse was burned,
His dignity taken and never returned.
I realize that the middle varied in that it didn't rhyme, and that's generally a no-no, but please realize it was my first attempt a civilized poetry, instead of that barbaric crap that I had to write for assignments in school. I basically wrote it as a miniature epic, and it doesn't really have any meaning on the surface, unless you make certain assumptions. I've been considering lengthening it into a full-fledged short story that adds in the details necessary to lend it an inner meaning, but I've found almost no time to do it. The basic inner meaning is that the "lord of greed and lust" was a great warrior that was given power for his military skill and cunning, not his morals or ethics. This is a mistake made throughout history, prime example being Rome. This lord, given a taste of power, goes on to prove the second point of the poem- it is human nature to seek even more power once one acquires some. The lord declares war and causes great calamities. He disregards the general public and the rest of the world in his quest, and is re-payed for his cruelty when his closest friend and ally destroys him. He is then dishonored because his kingdom wanted vengeance for his selfishness, and he is never given the chance to redeem himself. Any well-versed historian would notice the similarities between my story and the real-life story of Julius Caesar. This was intentional.
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Lich Heart
I gave my heart away
And had it given back
Now what am I to say
To the heart that I should lack?
It's beaten and forgotten
A God-Forsaken thing
Where angels had once trodden
The Devil now is King
I feel the heartbeat fading
Away into the dust
And know that what's remaining
Is naught but fear and lust.
This is a poem that I posted on another thread (HELP!!!!!!!) and have re-posted here, on my own personal poetry thread.
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Destiny
Life isn't full of choices,
It just isn't anymore,
The only way to go is,
Through another open door.
I'm walking on a pathway,
it just doesn't seem quite right,
It seems that I'm being led,
To another losing fight.
I want to feel the freedom,
To escape from all the chains,
To walk away all on my own,
And escape from all the pains.
Destiny is depressing,
It takes out all the fun,
What's the point in doing,
What's already been done?
Yet another poem that was posted on another thread (a short poem) that I have re-located here.
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You've got more guts than I do, fang. I would NEVER EVER post my earliest stuff. It's horrible and disgusting... religious crap. So... I raise my glass...... for a refil. :wink: Can't wait to read more.
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I love it!!! This is awesemundo!!! :-D
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Thank you, thank you. Here's a short one on bloodlust that I wrote. i think I'll expand on it later, but this is it for now.
I feel blood in,
This throat of mine,
I'm savorin',
The viscous wine.
I want it less,
And need it more,
Through others' deaths,
I get reward.
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I'm sure that'll be a Vamp favorite! I liked it... short and to the point.
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Very beautiful. :-D
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Thanks. I don''t want to sound demanding, but would anyone mind actually critiquing my work and giving suggestions?
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I'm sorry, I suck at that stuff, all I can tell you is if I like it or not. :-P
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that's alright. Anyone else think they can do it?
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Thank you, thank you. Here's a short one on bloodlust that I wrote. i think I'll expand on it later, but this is it for now.
I feel blood in,
This throat of mine,
I'm savorin',
The viscous wine.
I want it less,
And need it more,
Through others' deaths,
I get reward.
The punctuation in your poem needs some work. If it's read how it's puncutated, it doesn't flow correctly. And you really could expand on the theme and make it a tad longer. Sometimes it's possible for a writer to do this, but others (as I know from experience) it's damn near impossible.
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Yeah, like I said, I was considering making it longer. Not sure what you mean about the punctuation... Think you could edit it how you think it should really be?
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Thank you, thank you. Here's a short one on bloodlust that I wrote. i think I'll expand on it later, but this is it for now.
I feel blood in
This throat of mine.
I'm savorin'
The viscous wine.
I want it less,
And need it more;
Through others' deaths,
I get reward.
More like that? But I'm not an expert at punctuation, so it's entirely possible that I'm using it incorrectly. I don't think so... but it IS possible.
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Sorry I've been gone so long, I was on vay-k. Anyway, I'm feeling s**tty today. Here's one that I cooked up, fresh from the ovens of hell.
The Insanity of Being Sane
I feel the need to act in hate,
To with a devilish grin,
Let the world appreciate,
The demon I am within.
To in anger lash out,
In desperation take hold,
To clear up the doubt,
With horrors untold.
What could they do,
Or think, or say,
To wound me deeper,
Than they have this day?
What in the world,
Could be worse than this?
This hateful prison,
This miserable bliss?
To be born a martyr,
A bodily freak,
And instinctually hate,
The very goals that you seek.
To despise yourself,
With undisputable spite,
For doing what you know,
Is the only thing right.
Could you survive it?
Could you stand tall?
Could you take pride,
In taking the fall?
I doubt that you could,
I know that you’d fall,
In fact I doubt standing,
Would be an option at all.
The title, which will confuse most of you because you don't understand the back story, has special meaning to me. Don't question it, I wrote this poem for me.
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We're not here to question what you write. You don't have to fear censure from us here at Monstrous. I love this poem.. it's elequent and speaks volumes in every stanza. Only one thing to point out is the punctuation. If you want me to just shut up and not critique, tell me. I mean no offense.. only to help. It's a great poem.
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No, I'd like that. Honestly. I asked for it, and I'm not gonna react in anger. But there's a reason I wrote that poem, and it's not a good one. Go ahead. I'll be grateful eventually. Just not at the moment. Too much s**t in my life.
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I understand that. I'm glad you posted it. I really do like it. I understand the emotion in it perfectly. No long, drawn out versus.. just straight to the point. Very nicely done.
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Thank you. It flowed like water right outta me. Dammit, I feel messed up.
Eh... What the hell. If I post it or not, it makes no difference. Plus, I may get some nice feedback from people like yourself, which may cheer me up a bit. Not right now though.
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Wow. Simply wow. THAT'S what yo post on here for??!!
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No, now I really love your poem. & here's why: excellent tempo, perfect rhyming (an obsession of mine :lol: ) Nice & long with out being drawn out & boring, plus some good word choices.
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Thank you. I love hving everyone dote on my poems, but I just wanna say... I wrote them to convey the inner meaning. The emotion. The pain. If you don't get those feelings, that hatred, that pain, then I didn't write a good poem. If so, please tell me.
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Oh yes. You feel those emotions very easily when reading it. That's why I like it so much. It's such a deep reflection on how I've felt at times over the years.
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Same here!!! :-D
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YAY!!!!! Alright... i'm more or less getting better. Kadesh, if you'd do me the honor of correcting my punctuation...
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Of course.
Sorry I've been gone so long, I was on vay-k. Anyway, I'm feeling s**tty today. Here's one that I cooked up, fresh from the ovens of hell.
The Insanity of Being Sane
I feel the need to act in hate.
To, with a devilish grin,
Let the world appreciate
The demon I am within.
To in anger lash out;
In desperation take hold.
To clear up the doubt,
With horrors untold.
What could they do?
Or think, or say?
To wound me deeper,
Than they have this day?
What in the world,
Could be worse than this?
This hateful prison,
This miserable bliss?
To be born a martyr,
A bodily freak,
And instinctually hate,
The very goals that you seek.
To despise yourself
With undisputable spite.
For doing what you know
Is the only thing right.
Could you survive it?
Could you stand tall?
Could you take pride,
In taking the fall?
I doubt that you could.
I know that you'd fall.
In fact, I doubt standing
Would be an option at all.
Again.. I'm not perfect at the punctuation. I'm sure there are those more qualified to correct it for you, but I hope I've done well. I'm honored to be asked.
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Thanks, that is better.
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Yet another one...
Secrets
I’m sitting alone,
In a world screaming silence,
All on my own,
In air that’s so tense.
What’s on my mind,
The curious may wonder,
But they’ll never find,
Cuz I push it all under.
Deep underneath,
In depths far too deep,
So far beneath,
Do those demons sleep.
Is it a sin,
To hide from the world,
What I have been,
And never unfurled?
You really wish,
To know the demon within,
Watch me perish,
And join my past kin?
Go on and look,
Search the dark corners,
Which God long forsook,
And left me to mourners.
What you find,
You won’t enjoy
If fate is kind,
And it isn’t a decoy.
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I love it!!! I love it!!! :-D
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I really like this one as well, but it doesn't flow as easily as your others. My tongue trips over the last two stanzas. I've read it a few times now and I just can't quite get them...
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Yeah, I hafta agre. I guess not all of my work is gonna necessarily be of the same quality. Oh well. I tried. And succeeded on several occasions.
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It's still good... better than most... but just a tiny bit of difficulty with those last two. If you feel like you can, I'd try to tweak them if I were you. I've went back and done that with some of my poetry and it's made them much better.
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I am planning on submitting thw poetry on this thread to my school magazine. This post is to verify that the account I've written then on is indeed mine.
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That's really cool, fang. You'll have to let us know how it turns out. Best of luck!!
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Sorry I've been gone so long, I was on vay-k. Anyway, I'm feeling s**tty today. Here's one that I cooked up, fresh from the ovens of hell.
The Insanity of Being Sane
I feel the need to act in hate,
To with a devilish grin,
Let the world appreciate,
The demon I am within.
To in anger lash out,
In desperation take hold,
To clear up the doubt,
With horrors untold.
What could they do,
Or think, or say,
To wound me deeper,
Than they have this day?
What in the world,
Could be worse than this?
This hateful prison,
This miserable bliss?
To be born a martyr,
A bodily freak,
And instinctually hate,
The very goals that you seek.
To despise yourself,
With undisputable spite,
For doing what you know,
Is the only thing right.
Could you survive it?
Could you stand tall?
Could you take pride,
In taking the fall?
I doubt that you could,
I know that you’d fall,
In fact I doubt standing,
Would be an option at all.
The title, which will confuse most of you because you don't understand the back story, has special meaning to me. Don't question it, I wrote this poem for me.
WOW....this poem really sturck a cord with me...dont as y...just congrats mate...not much makes me feel nowa days
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hey i like writing was it easy for you come up with your poems or did you have work them until they went the way you wanted them to :-)
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I'm not sure how often fang is on, logic. If you don't mind, I could answer your question... as much as anyone can. We're all different. Some of us take forever to write something, for some, it just comes naturally. For me... it depends on my mood, the weather, the lighting... lol. Some just flow right off the pen, others take work to get them where I want them. Writers like Moloch just write them down as it comes to them. That, I think, is more rare than it is common. Did that help at all??
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Ya well Moloch is a kickass writer who can "freestyle" I have to RESLLY rehearse my work if I want it to be good.
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Sometimes rehearsal creates a better performance. But sometimes the freestyler just knocks you on your ass. *<:)
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I'm not sure how often fang is on, logic. If you don't mind, I could answer your question... as much as anyone can. We're all different. Some of us take forever to write something, for some, it just comes naturally. For me... it depends on my mood, the weather, the lighting... lol. Some just flow right off the pen, others take work to get them where I want them. Writers like Moloch just write them down as it comes to them. That, I think, is more rare than it is common. Did that help at all??
yes it did i don't really talk to other people that write mainly because of where i live there are not a lot of people how write because they take there emotions out on beating the crap out of each other, trying to find a fellow writer where i live is like trying to win at carnival game it almost never happens.
and im sorry for not sounding serious just so you know i am very serious about writing the words down but the spelling and punctuation eludes me and all it does is get me in the same attitude as i was before i wrote it so i ignore it and write when i fell im at the end of my rope
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There's nothing wrong with writing, but if you intend to share it, how can you expect to convey the correct feeling behind the words if you have no punctuation?? Here... Let me give you an example that I once stumbled across....
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”
From: http://www.thrivingnow.com/for/Rick/woman-without-her-man-is-nothing/ (http://www.thrivingnow.com/for/Rick/woman-without-her-man-is-nothing/)
See?? It makes a BIG difference.
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yes it does thank you for pointing that out to me :-D
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Any time, logic. Let me know if there's anything else I can do. :-)