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Okay so I decided to finally open my own poetry thread. Feel free to criticize and please tell me what you think. I'm starting out with my first poem written in English (I mostly write in Russian)
Endless
Thoughts go through
Right through your mind,
Sometimes you think of suicide,
Thoughts go through
And they come back..
I loved you once
I'll love again
Love's a game that never ends,
You don't seem to find your way,
But it's okay..
You hate you cry
You fall and die,
You ask yourself for reasons why
You've trapped yourself inside your lies
But that just happens in your mind.
I find you gone
And yet again
I find that it just never ends,
So close your eyes, give me your hand -
You know that we'll all turn to sand.
We fail we fall, we lose it all
But in the end it's us alone
So I can live this life again
So many times
That I forget..
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And another one, the second one, written about two months ago:
Far Behind
I've left my sunshine far behind,
Now I'm sorry I'm not blind,
I know I'm gonna die someday,
But that day's too far away.
Cause in the dark I've lost my mind,
But - just at first -I merely cried,
Then there came my old friend pain,
Then I never was the same.
You can laugh - it's kind of fun,
The way at first I missed the sun,
Then it all just washed away,
My life became a painful game.
I've left my sunshine far behind,
It's been long since I am blind,
So long since I've lost my soul,
Just too long to care at all.
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awe thats so sad :cry:
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Keep trying, Devi. The more you read, the more you'll write. The more you write, the better your writing will become - though what you have posted is still pretty good.
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Keep trying, Devi. The more you read, the more you'll write. The more you write, the better your writing will become - though what you have posted is still pretty good.
Thank you on that. What poets do you suggest? Besides yourself?
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I wrote this one tonight.
Insomnia
There are these nights I cannot sleep,
Nights that pass just more like weeks,
Nights I have to sit and weep
For a whore like you so cheap.
Is it something I had done
To deserve this spiteful pain?
To make me hide away from sun,
To think of you each time it rains..
I loved you once, I hate you now,
There is no difference somehow,
As to what I felt and feel -
Love and hate take turns to kill.
There are these wounds that cannot heal,
There are these scars that shall remain,
And not a thing that's left to feel,
And not a thing that I can mend.
I turn my eyes to something dark,
Something lurking in my heart -
The time has come to let it out,
To let it houl and let it shout.
'Cause these sad tears ain't worth a thing,
'Cause these nights - they were a loss,
I'll find another whore for me,
A lot of them I come across.
There are these nights I think it's you,
My eyes tell me it's not true,
She's much more beautiful than you,
I laugh and say that beauty's cruel.
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Read anything and everything you can get your hands on, even cereal boxes and the toilet paper wrapper. There's no such thing as reading too much.
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Dayumm noir these are some good ideas and pieces, the thing I've found with poetry is that a good poem is either added to and improved over years and years or written in one moment and never touched again.
The first is beautiful, darker, colder and perfected because it is so much about the thoughts the second method usually makes for a fiery and more emotional piece but usually still as beautiful because it speaks more from the heart than from reason.
Like Moloch said read, read, read. You're already doing some great things with words mate.
I especially like this verse:
I turn my eyes to something dark,
Something lurking in my heart -
The time has come to let it out,
To let it howl and let it shout.
The simple language adds to this, it makes me think of primal instinct.
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Dayumm noir these are some good ideas and pieces, the thing I've found with poetry is that a good poem is either added to and improved over years and years or written in one moment and never touched again.
The first is beautiful, darker, colder and perfected because it is so much about the thoughts the second method usually makes for a fiery and more emotional piece but usually still as beautiful because it speaks more from the heart than from reason.
Like Moloch said read, read, read. You're already doing some great things with words mate.
I especially like this verse:
I turn my eyes to something dark,
Something lurking in my heart -
The time has come to let it out,
To let it howl and let it shout.
The simple language adds to this, it makes me think of primal instinct.
Thanks girl, this means a lot.
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To Her
I saw you turn into a ghost
To come and haunt my dreams,
I saw my path to end, I'm lost,
I'm lost, and you're outside my reach.
You can't save me, I won't ask,
You came from some forgotten world,
A world I now have come to hate,
A world where souls are bought and sold.
I saw you float into my life,
I saw you crush into my dreams,
I saw you coming in the night,
In dark, when nothing's as it seems.
And now we're done,
You're just a ghost.
Here comes the sun...
Oh how I'm lost.
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The Road
The wind still whispers at my back,
It says it has nowhere to go,
This lonely highway has no end -
To hell with that, and I shall roam
Up on this highway all alone.
The wind is gusting all the way,
It hides away the world from me,
I gave this wind so many names -
Hatred, love and simple need,
Lust and loneliness and greed.
The wind is whipping at my back -
It says it knows where I should go,
God, oh would you give me strength?
I ask you now, and yet I know -
There ain't a god on this ole road.
Ain't a drink on this damn road,
Ain't a cigarette to smoke,
There is the wind to lead me on,
And still in this hell I will rock,
Even on this road there's hope.
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Just a Dream
My devil walks past
In her long crimson dress,
She winks her eye at me,
I'm inclined to follow,
I'm feeling so hollow,
For love that I don't need.
My words - they flow past,
A fiery glance -
Is all it often takes,
For me to rush after
Her sinister laughter,
Forgetting my mistakes.
I take her till dawn,
Her screams and her moans,
Her body full of sin...
But then I awake,
Feeling useless and fake -
It's always just a dream.
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Bravo. The works you have done, they are wonderful. Few target death and pain, one targets destiney or fate depending on what you want to call it, and the last one targets dreams that can do much of nothing. I give you my respcet as a writer and hope to read more when more is posted.
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Bravo. The works you have done, they are wonderful. Few target death and pain, one targets destiney or fate depending on what you want to call it, and the last one targets dreams that can do much of nothing. I give you my respcet as a writer and hope to read more when more is posted.
And - thank you once again on that wonderful compliment, detective. More shall soon be posted, I just need another drink.
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If it is one per drink, make it a double over the rocks
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If it is one per drink, make it a double over the rocks
Hey barkeep, yeh heard the detective, make it... eh... rock... and double... *throwing up*
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Best you make it a triple over the rocks in a old timey glass, that is atleast one gone.
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Call the Nurse
Hey somebody call my nurse,
I'm so bad, I'm getting worse,
Won't somebody heal my soul
If it is still there at all.
I can't eat and I can't sleep -
A strong drink is all I need,
I got into this s**t so deep,
I drag myself to my own crypt.
All on my own, and drunk, and bored -
I watch my nightly life unfold,
I watch it fall, I see it die..
My life is dead, I'm still alive.
Hey somebody, call my nurse,
I'm getting so much ever worse,
Fever rising.. Heart just stopped..
Hey nurse! Come and get on top.
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The Blues
The blues has gotten hold of me,
I stand and watch the town below,
In the night I watch it glow,
Cars are flooding down the streets.
The wind - it whistles, flows around,
It whispers and I hear your name,
Your shade is where the shadows play,
I hear your voice when music sounds.
Let me in your baleful dreams,
I ask the glowing town below;
I take the phone, I wanna call
My femme fatale to rescue me.
The dial tones invite your voice,
I hang the phone, I grab my coat,
I let the romance in me rot,
I just won't let the lady rejoice.
The city glows with lights so bright -
Bars and nightclubs lure me in,
Where there was love, there's only sin,
I smile and give in to the night.
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The Last Seconds
Come now, faceless form of death,
For many years was I afraid,
That the silent promise laid
Upon us mortals shall be kept.
I do not fear to perish now,
The worst of life is better still,
Than the face of death so real,
And yet it's good that you're around.
I shall not think but otherwise -
I shall become a thought to tell,
A tear shed, a feeling felt -
In their words I shall arise.
There is no end within you, death,
There is a new beginning still,
There is a dream that shall come real,
There is the promise that you kept.
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Thats good. *claps loudly*
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And - thank you once again.
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Now, how does another triple shot sound? Your choice of rocks or lime and salt.
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I like your work. One in paticular reflects my feelings of a situation at the moment.
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Which one is that?
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Okay, make that two. Endless and Far behind.
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Great. You know, those are actually lyrics I wrote for my band to sing.
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Your in a band? Any music recorded yet?
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Nah, we're just beginning. It'll be a year, though, till we get to the real thing.
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cool
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To a Flame of Mine
I left you tonight,
I went to a bar,
I had the biggest,
Strongest, cheapest drink.
I told the barkeep
"I hate this life"
He smiled,
He sent me to a shrink.
I laid the lady,
I had a drink.
What's wrong with me
I ask myself,
But I surely like this hell,
Is there a truth that I must keep?
Is there a meaning to this life?
I hate it and I love it so,
I love the way of no control,
I hate the way I let you go,
Although -
I would never change a thing.
Sure, in my sleep I shall weep,
But I'm glad you're not for me.
This city beckons me with life,
I'm lonely now, but it's okay,
The city lights will show the way.
They just want to spend the night,
I just want to flee the day.
The love for money,
And money for love,
And all the money's not enough.
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The Same Old Story
I met her at a square,
I didn't know right then,
What utter sadness and despair
My life would soon commence.
My friend - he said he loved her,
I knew that it was true,
But I knew he couldn't have her,
I've come to love her too.
She could've loved the guy -
He was so sweet and nice,
But there was always I -
To make his all hopes die.
I thought she would be mine,
But it was no surprise,
When she looked me in the eyes
And said a sweet goodbye.
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Aftermath
Destroy me babe, I want you to,
Forget me if you must,
Banished from the skies above..
What I told you wasn't true,
It is not just simple lust,
There is more to that.. it's love.
What a pain it is to say
Should've done it the old way,
The night's over, you don't care,
Whether it was love we shared.
But I say it anyway,
Since the price was paid.
The roses of poison,
The hearts full of hate,
The coldest of seasons,
A passionate date.
That's all that it takes,
For a longing of death.
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The Fall
I see the whole world is for sale,
I see it everywhere,
A star that dies, a lie that's told,
A thought that has been born to share,
A baby's being born and sold.
They're selling life
And they sell death.
They sell their bodies,
And the souls.
A war breaks out,
And they sell corpses,
And guns to breed some more,
A tree that's cut,
A man who loses,
And the cheapest hardcore porn.
I see it as the fall,
People sharing with displays,
And befriending the TV,
Idols die, their death is sold,
For you to see on your displays,
For you to worship,
And then to stop to care
At all.
The man is taking the last fall.
Science thinks of ways to kill
The God, the Man, the point to live,
Politics that mock the free,
And the freedom that is sold.
And the way we lose control
Over our very lives,
And the way we're being spied,
Every word we hear is lie,
And the way new idols rise,
Pop-corn, Cop-Porn and the like,
Stalin's back, with boots from Nike,
Propaganda all day long..
I see it all,
The Man, His Fall.
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Now that is good stuff man! Keep it up.
Also, I think I will repost an old one of mine, and re-issue an old challenge to the members who read here.
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Thanks Mo. I'm just back from my trip, I'll soon post some more.
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Despair
Truth is a lie
You cannot deny.
Life is a place,
Where you're born to die,
Love is a gamble
With no fair bets,
Luck is a ride
Without regrets.
Words are a veil,
Words are our jail,
Each day we fail,
Each day we rise,
Among the dead,
And yet -
Still alive.
Passing through crowds,
The herds of living
Who waste their lives,
They're bored and they shout,
A herd of lost souls,
For money they live,
For money they die,
Money, it's their only goal.
I took a walk today
Down the streets
Of sorrow and pain,
Down where old children weep,
Longing for their dreams,
Those forever lost.
Their eyes to the sky
In searches of heaven,
I join them to find
That it's just a lie,
Together we cry.
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Thanks, Moonbabe. Didn't know you checked out this thread.
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Do it, that would be really cool.
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Moonbaby if your poetry is even half as good as Devinoir's here, it would be a pleasure to hear it.
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Why thank you, Ryobi, and she's right, Moonbabe - it would be a real pleasure to hear it.
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As The Years Go By
Sunshine.. I miss you so.
I miss the blessed sound of laughter,
I miss the life of paradise,
But here there's no light to go after.
I miss the way it was -
So simple and so perfect still,
But now I know it wasn't real,
Childhood's over, heaven's lost.
Does the world get worse
As the years go by and by,
Or is it only us -
Getting older with the time.
The perfect past is now in ruins,
The future's not as bright as told,
We are the age of disappointments,
We are the young, yet we feel old.
We see leaders who are weak,
Who cause thousands to die,
The preachers calling to be meek,
And to obey all those who lie.
We're told that God's a fairy tale,
And there was no Christ on a cross,
That heroes are just propaganda,
And all the victories are lost.
As years go by, we're sadder still,
We long for lies and the unreal,
Learning disappointing truths,
We can't tell evil from the good,
Is this what growing up's about?
Where there was faith,
There's only doubt.
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In some way I'm learning to express myself better.
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Surrender
The ghosts of past that haunt me still,
Like questions never worth an answer,
The endless 'why'-s, the helpless lies,
My partner's face that I despise.
My memory is much like cancer,
My soul's a pool of grim disease,
I look at myself with unease,
I hate to hate myself like this,
What is life for but a death,
A beginning is an end,
We rot while standing still like this,
But we have no place to go,
No place to hide
From ourselves,
Our darker side
It triumphs over wretched truths,
It grinds its rotten fangs of teeth
It has no feet,
But scorched dark roots
In our nonexistent souls,
It darkly shines through holes
In our logic, and our thoughts.
I wonder why I ever fought
Against its will,
And now I don't.
I am dark and ugly,
I am horrid, I am me.
Numbly I still see -
My cause is lost,
Surrender's sweet.
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Nightshade
Obsession, depression,
The thoughts to be banned
From the realm of the fools,
The feelings obscene,
The soul that is hurt,
The mask that is put
Upon our truth,
Upon the monster
That is I.
No mask now remains,
There's nothing to hide,
To hell with the shame,
I'm done with the lies,
I am what I am,
What fools made me be,
A ghost of a reason,
A shell of a man.
This is what I am,
A shade of noir.
A door is ajar,
The path to my life,
By my hand it's closed,
It's strangely compelling,
This feeling of loss.
The nights spent in spirits,
The nights amongst whores,
The nights of noir,
The nights with no cause.
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Just Another Fall
The grothesque freakshow of my demons,
The nights I cannot sleep
They always come to me.
The shadows of my darkness,
That is hidden deep,
Their rotten ugly faces,
The shards of broken dreams
Are their decaying teeth,
And their eyes are gold,
They laugh as billions cry,
They say that what I've sold
Never shall be mine.
When once my angels came,
They gave me consolation,
But that was just a game,
I'm not made for salvation.
My demons burn my life,
As angels don't exist,
I forsake the path of light,
I shall walk the path of beast.
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The Nights Of Murder
Her face is bright
And pale as death.
My lover brings me only sorrow.
She comes at night,
Her light is shed.
And the beast within me follows.
A werewolf howls
In dead moonlight.
He knows just what I feel.
Tonight I'm foul,
I'll seek delight
In the horrid ways to kill.
My body shifts,
It screams with pain,
I just unleash the beast within,
The joy of grief,
It is insane,
The beast, it hungers for the sins.
Flesh is torn,
And blood is shed.
Ah, this salty taste of gore.
I laugh and mourn
This feast of death,
The beast, it triumphs in my core.
I hope they kill me
Soon enough.
Instead - I know, they shall forgive.
Each night I hunger for a kill.
That's the only way I love,
I do not deserve to live...
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This poetry is very good. It is very deep full of meaningful things.
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The Nights of Murder is a very good use of rythm, it even has a lilt that makes me think of some kind of beast loping after prey in the night.
Her face is bright
And pale as death.
My lover brings me only sorrow.
She comes at night,
Her light is shed.
And the beast within me follows.
A werewolf howls
In dead moonlight.
He knows just what I feel.
Tonight I'm foul,
I'll seek delight
In the horrid ways to kill.
is where you strongly pick it. Now I hope this is right;
Ochen khoroshy, gospodin Dev.
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Spasibo, Ryobi, and thank you, Lockesk.
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Bravo, magnificent all around still. You are getting better. As Shun Yu would have said, we are now seeing the real Dev that is behind Dev.
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Thanks, Detective. I didn't know there was a Dev behind my Dev. That about the poetry getting darker?
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A Personal Apocalypse
A hooker passes by
Giving me a wink.
I walk these narrow dirty streets,
I think I had too much to drink.
Reality's a blackout,
It flashes in and out and in,
The world is flickering away,
A hobo looks at me and grins.
Am I one of them?
When have I fallen so damn low?
I have got no penny left,
I'm done; and that is all I know.
And I have got no will,
To give an end to pain,
There is a hell, it's real,
It is just where I stand.
The low-life trash and vagabonds,
I'm just one of them.
I guess I've lost my world,
And here it all shall end.
I whisper out your name,
I grab my good old gun,
I close my eyes and pull the trigger.
I'm happy to be gone.
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I mean, we are seeing the truthful side of you, the personel side which creeps out through the pores of your writing and exposes itself to us in the form of your creative thoughts and knowledge of this world.
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Recently I have been writing a lot, but most of the stuff is just too personal.
So I thought - why don't you guys suggest me something to write about?
No Raz allowed.
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Write about the future, you don't seem to do it that much...
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Why don't I just post it here when I'm done? Is there anything more lasting than the Internet?
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There are so many different ways you could approach the issue of 'the future' (like moonbaby pointed out).
Go with whatever method best suits the poem? Just write it first.
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that one is cool
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Ok, I'm working on it, but it might be a little different from what you expect. Thanks, by the way, I'm really enjoying this one.
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Yes its true I cant write anything unless I have inspiration.
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2089
I can't get used to breathing poison,
The air's filled with stale decay,
The city's bleak and sad and lonesome,
Tonight they said it's gonna rain.
Thousands of years behind me,
Centuries that lie ahead,
Enchantments strong enough to bind me
To a life that has no end.
The vague shining of the stars
Through city smog, and neon lights,
Casinos, nightclubs, bluessome bars.
That is where I often hide.
Oh this changing, mad old world,
This senile breeding grounds of fools,
There is a poster shining there -
It brightly screams of sex and rules.
They're flying off to tame the heavens,
I hear each day some fool
Tends to start his own religion,
Where they can gather, cheer and drool.
Silver trains that fly to heaven,
Golden gates that crush the skies.
There's an image of me waiting -
The immortal hopes to die.
I see them cheering whom they'll kill
Some few years later on.
I see them living in a dream,
When they awake, they cry and moan.
They fly off to some better worlds,
But I know it's all the same.
Yet they believe what they are told,
If they don't, well they still play.
No feelings help to live a life
In the future that has come,
They make you too weak to survive,
To be happy's to be numb.
No love left and yet, so far,
The humans are just getting on,
They eat and chat and mostly fark -
No love needed in this world.
The cold and bleak world of tomorrow,
The gray bright spaces flying by,
Numbness laced with rue and sorrow,
The rain is searing through the night.
A shuttle screams its way to Pluto,
Full of people bored and dull.
They wouldn't seem to mind at all
If they were headed straight for sun.
Life's more worthless than it was,
And yet it's much more hard to die,
You can't die while there are laws,
Yet no one cares if you're alive.
They just exist, that's all they do.
They breed, grow fat and die someday.
The pointless circle of destruction,
The progress that is now in vain.
Immortality's a prison,
A cage in this forsaken zoo.
Tomorrow that has got no reason,
Tomorrow's not so bright and new.
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Thanks. Any personal suggestions?
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Maybe. Just maybe. I'll look up your thread again later today and answer that question :-)
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Wow Dev, you should definitely save that and see if it becomes true 80 years from now! (If you're still alive then, if not maybe pass it to your children).
I do have a personal suggestion, what about something regarding the people on this forum? You seem to be a natural freelancer so far :wink:
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As Orwell.. or Zamyatin.. or Hacksley.. once said, the image of the future for a person is based upon the times he lives in.
As for your suggestion.. it might be also fun.
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Okay so I decided to finally open my own poem thread. Feel free to criticize and please tell me what you think. I'm starting out with my first poem written in English (I mostly write in Russian)
Endless
Thoughts go through
Right through your mind,
Sometimes you think of suicide,
Thoughts go through
And they come back..
I loved you once
I'll love again
Love's a game that never ends,
You don't seem to find your way,
But it's okay..
You hate you cry
You fall and die,
You ask yourself for reasons why
You've trapped yourself inside your lies
But that just happens in your mind.
I find you gone
And yet again
I find that it just never ends,
So close your eyes, give me your hand -
You know that we'll all turn to sand.
We fail we fall, we lose it all
But in the end it's us alone
So I can live this life again
So many times
That I forget..
i like this one it is really really good
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My first one? Really?
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YA IT IS KINDA SWEET YA KNOW
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Cool. I mean, I really appreciate that you appreciate.
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LOL I DO I MEAN I REALLY LIKE IT.... IF I COULD WRITE THINGS LIKE THAT I MIGHT BE HAPPY... I SUCK AT WRITING POEMS
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Give it a try anyway.
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LOL I DO I MEAN I REALLY LIKE IT.... IF I COULD WRITE THINGS LIKE THAT I MIGHT BE HAPPY... I SUCK AT WRITING POEMS
You can only improve over time mate, like Dev said, go for it.
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you have not seen my poems i think you would be like i was when i re read it to myself i was like hell no never write again LOL
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Yes I agree very bitter sweet. I really love this one.
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*<:) its coool
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Yeah you owe it to yourself to speak your mind.I mean look at my stuff I'm the ultimate beginner and I'm trying! Look at Dev and Moonbaby's stuff and learn from their styles and find your own. I bet you've got some great material lingering in that mind of yours just waiting to be unleashed! What do you think you would write about?
Good luck!
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Has anyone noticed they're steadily growing more bitter? Starting off, I think, from "The Same Old Story"?
Anyways, thanks, and I've got two new ones. "The Monstrous" is the one Ryobi suggested me to write, it's about you guys.
And there's "Six".. I was very drunk when I wrote it.
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The Monstrous
I log in and check the threads,
Respond to most of the comments,
A grin is there up on my face,
I realise - this is my place.
I've met a lot of people here,
Most of them are now my friends,
Though far off, they're all so near,
They will hear and understand.
Well, Ryobi comes to mind,
My impish friend who reads the stars,
And speaks in words that are so fine..
Too bad she's so goddamn far.
There's Moonbabe, the dreamgirl if there's one,
Dark romance fills her with a charm.
She gives light though there's no sun,
A lot of loverboys she'll harm.
Oh Detective, good old friend,
We used to chat our asses off,
Trashing goddamn many threads,
His posts so humorous and soft.
Isabella, full of doubts,
And the windy fog of dreams,
Though that's not what she's about,
I know she's not just what she seems.
I laugh and think of Raziel,
Trickster level forty,
He damned so many threads to hell,
Sometimes he's just so clearly horny.
Muerte's there, the pic with scythe,
With a lot there to advice,
He has Lilith as a wife,
The Smert, he seems such a cool old guy.
Moloch has a flaming beard,
And the eyes of the insane.
He speaks the truest things I've heard,
He's the tough guy in the game.
Well, there's good old Ravinclaw,
To make us laugh, and also think,
Funny, nice, he's got a flow,
Also fur, fangs and sharp teeth.
Oni is as cool as ever,
The hooded howling cat.
He seems fun and also clever,
As Monstrous as it ever gets.
Markus gave a name
To the machine of all my dreams,
Mach 1, the thing direct from hell,
The machine of all machines.
Well, there's me, Devinoir.
I tend to be just like myself.
I hope one day to be a star,
I know some day I shall see hell.
There's many others here at Mon,
That's our kin, the good old type,
The special dark kind I recon,
Down here we're all a bit alike.
-
Six
A mask is put upon my sorrow,
The face behind, it's lost and hollow.
The joyous death of all my hopes,
The sweet old silence of my thoughts.
I crawl to devil once again.
My lips are whispering her name.
I feel delight, and death, and longing.
The worms inside of me are swarming.
My eyes are full of foolish question.
My body full of useless passion.
I feel that I would die right now -
But there's no difference somehow,
As to whether life or death
Will be there for my torment.
If I were dead right now would you
Care to feel remorse or rue?
I don't think that I should care,
Yet I do that anyway.
A bitter darkness shrouds my features,
My heart is filled with poison, leeches,
The evil triumphs in my core,
It knows I cannot bear much more.
-
Also I get a bad headache and it kills my fake optimism)
-
Yeah.. kinda.
The one that posted some confession s**t on the Teen Thread and all.. he was drunk, sincere and also me.
-
I feel delight, and death, and longing.The worms inside of me are swarming
I like how you replaced the butterflys in the tummy with swarming worms...really paints a picture of the emotion felt.
-
Dev you rocked that proposed topic into the bloody ground! Hell yeah I'm impish. Spot on about everyone and enjoyable as well.
But seriously, I was being sarcastic before, what do you mean by impish?
-
i like that one alot........ the one about monstrous it was GREAT
-
What I meant was you have a dark yet lovable quality to you, Ryobi, and thank you, everyone, I really tried.
-
it's still good
-
By the way, guys, I'm open to new suggestions. I really enjoy doing this.
-
Now I'll have something to do on the plane. Thanks, Moonbabe..
-
Actually I came up with some really embarrassing s**t I'm not really gonna post, it's about my feelings during the flight.
But tonight I'll give your suggestion a try.
Smokey Noir.. Nice.
-
HOW exactly?
And Moonbaby, dear, it's really pathetic. I'm not even sure if I've kept verse, you know..
-
Did I already say you're the best?
-
Poor girls.. :wink:
-
you really should post it cause the best poems come from the heart..... <3
-
Now guys PLEASE don't judge this one too harsh. I've left it just the way I've written it on the plane.
-
Poetry shouldn't be judged harshly, in fact it should be expected to be atleast a little 'primitive' if it's truly spoken from the heart, like yours nearly always is. Flowery emotions are nearly always a complex cover for something a lot more powerful and direct. :wink:
Out with the words Dev.
-
It's a long one. Yesterday fell asleep typing it, can you dig that?
-
It's a long one? Well! You definitely have to post it now... :-P
-
i agree lol
-
Untitled
The wailing sound of my departure,
My life is given to a craft,
This chaos that is perfect still,
My soul is beating in its cage,
My heart is pounding at my chest,
Beyond my window is a pasture,
A 27 flashes by,
White stripes running there with us,
The speed is pounding with my heart,
The vessel tears its way to hell,
We are in the brace of heavens,
The feelings I have never felt,
My heart is flying there with me,
My soul's out there right with the wing,
The clouds are stealing the horizon,
The howling clouds
Of roaring change,
The world is shrinking,
And now it's gone
Out in the blue,
And now it's back,
But I don't care,
It's not mine now anyway.
The pasture stripes and yellow lands,
The valleys that I leave behind,
The world that was so cruel and kind,
It's gone for now,
But I don't mind.
The clouds are silver shifting gold,
Shining out and through the blue,
I can claim all of this land -
With my hands,
It's stretched like plead,
But that was something that I felt,
And now I don't,
Bright lights casting shadows,
At a vast and green land,
Don't know where I am,
Ain't a need to understand,
Wrinkled realms of mounts and hills,
The heaven shining out like diamonds,
A river - sister to the skies,
A whole new kind of white and blue,
All so bright and new and pure,
Full of hope,
No memories to keep,
To the sky we lean,
Strangers bonded by a fate,
Strangers bonded by a vessel,
Roaring right above Europe,
It tears its way to London.
A man who looked just like my father -
He shifts around, and that's not him,
Is it sea right there ahead?
There is music in my head,
My insides are empty,
I think that I'm happy,
Upbeat shouts through headphones,
Excitement building up in tons,
And there it is, we pass the ocean,
I see the ocean from the sky,
A world of blue and purest white,
Is it sea or just the sky -
I can't tell, don't seem to mind.
The blue, it fills me up with life,
Not the kind of blues I had,
The kind of blue I've left behind,
I see the world,
I know it's mine,
This world is closer than my loved ones,
These roaring vast spaces
Filled with my awe,
No track of time,
No sense of measure,
The sea, the sky,
The endless pleasure,
The anxious sense of an adventure,
Oh my god, where have I ventured...
A smokey haze underneath,
A bright,
A white horizon,
Blackish clouds
That have no bounds,
My body floats,
My feelings float,
Bond is there up on the screen,
Had a lunch, a gulp of milk,
A little bit of English coffee,
I know what's ahead,
But oh so vaguely,
A sillhouette that is to come,
A heaven that's beyond me,
A space that is above,
A milky haze -
Bodyless and shapeless,
Makes me feel the same.
Now it's all just blank and white,
Is this what those lost all see?
It goes blue again.. or does it?
Now it clears out,
A sea,
A sky.
A foreign planet maybe?
The bright new world,
Time goes back,
Words are blurred,
And so is vision,
Some more music in the headphones,
A new place between my dreams,
A valley of clouds,
That we pass upon,
And the rhythm is rock'n'roll,
A sea of clouds is now what stretches,
A song repeated,
The milky haze,
The broad miles whistling bym
I realize I'm in the sky,
Don't know
When I've gotten
So damn high..
And here it is - the Albion..
I say goodbye to Albion
Road begins to feel like home,
I have a sky that is beneath
And over,
And clouds that hover
Right beside.
Poems that flow through pad and pen,
One-time drinks and food and friends.
We are floating on a map,
My mind is kinda like a gap,
No more feelings left to feel,
This shifting world is so unreal.
-
Oh, come on.. It's just that it's like it's written by some retard s**tting himself in excitement.
-
Do you really think I can match that description?
-
What do you mean "you're not extremely sophisticated"?!!?
-
Cooldown activated.
Ok, M-babe, log-out for now.
Gonna work on that murder poem you mentioned earlier tomorrow.
-
I don't see what you were worried about, that poem was beautiful, it made me feel excited.
Like MB said, you should be proud.
-
Thaks, Ryobi.. Hope you're not being sarcastic..
-
I liked it too. Touched the heart man.
-
Thanks man. I wish I had more time to work on the new one..
-
We can always re-read the rest of your stuff in the mean time.
-
Just Another Night
I knew her for a day,
Vaguely, just a shape,
A hand I held,
A breast I felt,
The lips I kissed,
The words I missed.
I held her tight against my chest,
We danced,
And then undressed.
I woke up in the night,
The sky was breaking light,
I had a smoke,
A glass of wine.
I closed the door,
She will be fine.
-
Sweet wine in the morn ah that's what I'm talking about!
-
The world is not yet black and white,
It exists in shades of gray,
So that is why when comes the night
It feels like day.
-
That was nice devinoir
-
Hate blank verse and we have a lady at school who makes us write s**t like that.
-
that sucks lol
-
It does. I had to write a poem today for homework and now I'm disgusted with myself.
-
Don't you feel like you're selling out your work for arseholes who cant even comprehend what you're trying to say?
:gun: *<:)
-
It does. I had to write a poem today for homework and now I'm disgusted with myself.
AW i sorry we don't have to rite poems cause my english teacher hates the
m
-
Pretty much. That's why they make me write stuff with no rhymes and no abstract meaning.
-
nice lol so how u like it in the US?????
-
Well.... I just read 8 pages of poetry.... and I must say..... Just two words............ Get Published. Seriously. That was great. I'm glad I didn't read it before now though. You need to have a clear head to appreciate it. I do have one question though... Who is she? Or was...
-
Well.. a flame that burnt what I was, and made me who I am, I guess. A shade of passion, loneliness, love, neglection and friendship.. I was lucky to meet her, I guess.
Too bad it's hard for me to find inspiration here in America, so far away from her.
And thanks, Kadesh, I appreciate and highly value your opinion.
-
There's inspiration to be found everywhere. Don't worry... you'll find it. :wink:
-
Kadesh is so right, maybe this move might mean a change in your subject matter and themes? Not necessarily a good or bad change, just a different perspective.
-
Well, I could write a snob poem))... I'm trying for now. I'm playing around with words and images and narration, so we'll see what comes out in the end.
-
A snob poem? For those uppity little rich ladyes??
-
Just a joke, it's just that my college here almost made me a snob, and it was a miracle I escaped that fate..
-
Haha, the important thing is you did. :-D
And now we have a lovely thread to complain about America in! WINWIN
-
Aw... but satire is ever so much fun, Dev! C'mon... get your stick out and poke some fun. :wink:
-
Ace of Spades
A smoky haze, a broken heart,
A one-night stand,
A cigarette,
The quick shuffling of cards,
I watch them turn into a blur,
She smiles at me, I'm reassured,
She says she's got a Royal Flush,
Her crooked smile turns vile and harsh.
The tip of cigarette,
Her erotic curve of lips,
I look at her and in my mind
I grab her tight and take her on,
And I can hear her screams and groans,
I can almost see the dealer
Stare at us, his hat askew..
I just got bored at the casino,
Since nothing here for me is new.
I walk out and I leave my car,
The blues, it shifts through my noir,
I think that
I should have a drink,
And yet I have too much to think
To be drunk tonight.
Nightclubs, neon, bloody light,
I thought I'd wish to just forget,
And yet, tonight, I shall relive,
Caressing poison of my rue
That turns to acid of regret.
The click-clack of high heels I hear,
And, unconscious of my tears,
I turn to face her come to me,
Her curly hair, her full red lips,
The black void of her luscious gaze,
It's my devil that I face.
A sick mixture flows through me -
Love and hate, and joy, and grief,
Next thing I know - we're locked so tight
I see my pain inside her eyes,
Her lips, they're curtly pressed to mine,
The scent of passion blows my mind,
I grab her, throw her to the ground,
She falls and never makes a sound,
I grab her throat and see her choke,
I watch her die,
I'm in her eyes,
My hands, they flow through soft black hair,
If that's a dream - I'm unaware..
I realize I watch the dealer
Shuffle through a deck of cards.
Another night at the casino,
Just another broken heart.
-
.......................... wow. I'm beyond stunned. Just wow, Dev, wow. I've never had something reach out and touch me like that. Not ever. Weird me out, piss me off.. oh yeah. But just touch me....... wow.
-
Thanks.. Well, I guess I'm back.
-
Well then... welcome the hell back.
-
:-fly)
-
What are you doing, Bella?
-
i am so freaking bored i am so sorry lol and i feel fat i just ate a piece of pizza and i am stuffed
-
You ate 1 piece of pizza and feel stuffed?
-
Guys..... wrong thread for that, okay? Please.. there are people who check this thread who are very important to me, and I don't think feeling fat and eating pizza and having conversation about that belongs here.. sorry for being snappy, but all complaints on any other thread I hold, okay? Preferrably Idle.
-
Thank you, Dev... you saved me from doing it. I've been wanting to, but I'm trying to behave.
Anywho... Have you ever seriously thought about trying to get published?? You really should look into it. REALLY.
-
I have thought about it a few times, and I am thinking about finding a way to do that. I mean, everyone at my college who has read them says they're pretty dark (apparently they haven't read your works) and most of them liked them. So maybe there is hope for an audience.
-
Gee, thanks Dev. I honestly don't think they're that dark. It's more of one of the sides of human emotion that people are reluctant to admit they feel. Especially in 'Ace of Spades'. You caught me completely off guard with that ending and I never even saw it coming. That's rare for me, lol. But how many people will admit to sitting there thinking about doing some sort of bodily harm to someone? Few. And few are honest enough to write the way you do. It's good stuff. Really good.
-
SORRY :| WELL I THINK U SHOULD....I WOULS BUY THEM loL
-
Isabel
A diamond hanging -
Between her breasts,
I held it,
Making sure she felt
The lust that pulsed through my tentative grasp,
And I gulped -
As I watched her black eyes turn their sinister gaze
To mine,
And I hoped she knew what I felt,
And I knew she felt not what I did,
But in the black void of her gaze
I saw the comfort of a lie,
A sweet refuge of a dream
To believe that she is mine.
I held on to it, I did.
I wanted her, and wanted bad,
She held my hand, and felt the rhythm
Of the lust inside my veins,
And she saw all the pain
I held inside my own black gaze..
My devil of a lover, her devious smile
Across her heart-shaped face
The murderer of all I was
And all I ever will be
But hers..
-
Girls with heart shaped faces are the ones that ruin you, at least in my experince that is.
Their faces are heart shaped to symbolize that they can shred your heart up.
-
Haha that's me!
-
They do it, Oni, that's true,
A heart of a woman is a dastardly lie
That makes us squirm and beg and die.
-
I couldn't tell you what shape my face is... it's just there. The poem.... it speaks volumes and volumes. A picture couldn't scream as loudly. The emotions you go through in that poem are transferred to the reader. I've read poems and understood what the emotion was supposed to be, and recognized it within myself, but I've never been forced to feel things like you do with your poetry.
Get.
Published.
-
Wish I could.. for now you're my only readers.
-
And a faithful reader I'll be. :-P
-
As I
-
Isabel
A diamond hanging -
Between her breasts,
I held it,
Making sure she felt
The lust that pulsed through my tentative grasp,
And I gulped -
As I watched her black eyes turn their sinister gaze
To mine,
And I hoped she knew what I felt,
And I knew she felt not what I did,
But in the black void of her gaze
I saw the comfort of a lie,
A sweet refuge of a dream
To believe that she is mine.
I held on to it, I did.
I wanted her, and wanted bad,
She held my hand, and felt the rhythm
Of the lust inside my veins,
And she saw all the pain
I held inside my own black gaze..
My devil of a lover, her devious smile
Across her heart-shaped face
The murderer of all I was
And all I ever will be
But hers..
this is amazing.......your amazinggg
-
8
I don't have a god.
A goddess, maybe... or a devil,
Or just a throbbing broken heart,
A wound that causes my decay,
An endless 8-like shape -
My fall.
Yes, sometimes it seems
That life is just a climb... oh fools,
Yes, sometimes you do get high
Enough to feel there is no bottom
For the pit that waits for you.
A human's flight's an endless fall,
A human's life, his birth, is death,
A sunset might be just a promise
For another sun to rise,
For me it just states that I'll die,
And another one like me will rise
And fall, when tolls the bell,
And love another Isabel,
The endless circle of my fall...
-
A Letter
Please, ma belle, stop haunting me,
You know the torment that you cause
By your silence, and your words.
You know that I am yours, and you
Make me feel like the lover neglected
And never truly ever loved.
And that is true, and that is why
There's the thought of suicide -
Looming in the shadows my mind,
An idea to forsake
And forget and never think,
Never see you, never speak
The sweet vague words,
And never see your soft black eyes,
And that is what I cannot bear,
I can't tolerate departure,
I cannot run away and know
I've left ajar another door.
So please, just close it, and forget,
You know I love you...
Wishing death,
Committing acts of self-destruction -
That is what I love you for -
You are my blaze and my own sun,
You make me live, create and burn.
But all I want to do is die.
-
Ecstasy
I possessed you and I saw
How obsessed with me you are,
How absorbed your pain is
In the devils of your heart.
Your torment was as sweet
And joyful
As your final moans of pleasure,
And how satisfied I was
To see the crucifix of lies
Resting between your small pale breasts,
And as I rocked my body forth,
And entered
Your woundlike small domain of sin,
I saw the crucifix
Slide its way to upside-down,
And care I not how old you are,
Nor what you believe in,
And what not,
I am just a craving savage,
A beast that hungers for your lust,
And feeds on your secluded
Darkest, sinnful inner side.
Oh, do I believe in devil?
I don't, yet know that he exists,
He's the fire in your eyes,
The blazes in your lustful wound,
In the pitch black pit of orgasm,
In the red curve of your lips
Embracing what could be his scepter.
Bowing down to him we cry,
As we finally reach the heavens,
Holding hands,
At the same time.
-
Those are all good... but "A Letter" was far and away my favorite! It flowed beautifully, until the end. And it was the perfect way to end it.. a little bit off, but really giving the reader that sense of finality. Great stuff.
And... btw.... where have you been? :-P
-
Wherever I was.. I'm back.
-
Time passed
Things changed
Rearranged
And left me gaping
Like a wound
That never bled
Like a crack
On china
Pale faces blur
Past
Now
I'm alone
These faces frown
My hands
They're empty
My eyes are blank
I'm dead
Time passed
You woke me up
You used me
You farked me up
You killed me
Again
Now I dream
Of a rose
Of a hand
That is yours
It picks the rose
And bleeds
That is pain my darling
I reply.
-
As my lips tremble
I keep still
Holding back
The tears and the grudges and the truth
My youth is gone
I'm old and useless as a lonely glove
That you put on and off
I speak to ghosts inside my mind
Who wonder why
They linger there
I cannot reply and they won't hear
Neither can you when I speak
And these words that I keep
Beneath these lips
Are all I have
All I can give to you
It's nothing
All I've got
Is emptiness
You left me with
It's mine
It's gone.
-
As fog devours the city
I still walk
In the muddy labirinth
Of its endless streets
I wanna run
And hide
I shudder
And I walk
As night engulfs the world
I walk
My shoulders slumped
And weak
But I still walk
I see it all
Once part of it
Now a renegade
I see intrigues and passion
Whores and those
Who shall become whores
If given time and luck
People dead dying sick and hopeless
They pray but their prayers
Are desperate
They know they shan't be heard
I walk away
I've left behind
My life my love my purpose
A headache traded for depression
What a deal
I walk away
I fall against a wall
I curl up in the cold
And let dreams take me
Knowing I shan't wake
I give up.
-
Prisons built of blues and desperation
Barkeeps that smirk
When you ask for a drink
They know
Lives made of words are sand
They crumble back to dust
And what is left is what they are
A bunch of old kids wearing coats and ties
And with gray in their hair
They cry of loneliness and pain and pain and pain
Prisons built of blues and desperation
Where old kids weep and ask salvation
Of the savage Vodka god
Who smirks
He knows
When life is made of want and lust
It crumbles back to dust
And what is left is what it is
A pile of empty bottles
And empty packs
Of cigarettes
And smoky sillhouttes of whores
They know
They smirk
When you're asking for a drink
And when you look at them and wink
It's a prison built of blues and desperation
When they smirk
And they accept your drink
And they wink back>_<
-
Hold me and don't let me go
And if I cry tell me to stop
And I'm sure I will stop
Hold me
Let me hear your heartbeat
Against mine
I'm cold
Hold me
As my life is passing by
Hold me
And be the one to hold on to
For me
You can't I know
You're holding someone else
And someone else lives
While I die without your sun
I hate you I want you I need you
Hold me
I'm dying
Hold me
I am cold
As I'm growing weary
Hold me tight
And close your eyes if I dare
To cry
Tell me to shut the fark up
I know I will
Tell me to die
You won't hear me breath again
Hold me
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Until I die
You let me go.
-
It's dark and cold and lonely and despair
Is the only thing I dare
To feel
I am not real
I'm in the spirits that I drink
Or is it you?
Is it death or lust or love or all three joined
To haunt me better
And together
They succeed
My love is gone is gone is gone
Is lost
I lost it far away
And now I'm close to being
Farther than I was
And I'm amused
To find it even possible
To lose her MORE than I have lost
It's so cold so cold so cold you creep
Through this icy air through my thoughts
You enter me
I breathe your steady breath
And at this second
You breathe with me
So far away and yet I feel
(so cold so cold so cold so cold)
you close inside my head
You laugh at me you mock
But let me laugh with you and mock
Myself with you
So cold so dark so lonely so silent
My life is turning into an asylum
You let me go you let me go you let me go
It's dark and cold and lonely and despair
Is the only thing I dare
To feel
As I'm not real
And my love is
Not enough
It's cold it's cold it's FUCKING cold
It's cold.
-
Very nice, as always, Dev. Even if I weren't already so far into this abyss, I still would have felt the sorrow.
-
The priest lit a fire
Although
He's been told not
To ignite
That light.
He looks around
Unpunished
Walks away
His shadow trembling
Behind.
Most of us are blind
We do not see
The blazes fueling
This world.
Seekers of a logic,
Of a meaning -
Let us laugh
As the fire
Burns away all that -
Beliefs and meaning
All the sense..
Oh children!
-
Seems that no one here appreciates a good poem anymore. T_T
YOU GO DEVINOIR!!!!!!!! X_X
-
Well, they're here for people to read them if they want. Comments no longer matter. What matters is that they're here, and are open for discussion.
-
Here here
-
Haven't been here in awhile..........................................................
Looking forward to the next poem, Dev
-
me too %*)