Author Topic: Yet another poetry thread  (Read 6621 times)

Kadesh

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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2008, 03:18:58 PM »
 We're not here to question what you write. You don't have to fear censure from us here at Monstrous. I love this poem.. it's elequent and speaks volumes in every stanza. Only one thing to point out is the punctuation. If you want me to just shut up and not critique, tell me. I mean no offense.. only to help. It's a great poem.
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #16 on: September 04, 2008, 03:33:06 PM »
No, I'd like that.  Honestly.  I asked for it, and I'm not gonna react in anger.  But there's a reason I wrote that poem, and it's not a good one.  Go ahead.  I'll be grateful eventually.  Just not at the moment.  Too much s**t in my life.

Kadesh

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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #17 on: September 04, 2008, 03:38:03 PM »
 I understand that. I'm glad you posted it. I really do like it. I understand the emotion in it perfectly. No long, drawn out versus.. just straight to the point. Very nicely done.
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #18 on: September 04, 2008, 03:43:11 PM »
Thank you.  It flowed like water right outta me.  Dammit, I feel messed up.

Eh...  What the hell.  If I post it or not, it makes no difference.  Plus, I may get some nice feedback from people like yourself, which may cheer me up a bit.  Not right now though.

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #19 on: September 04, 2008, 03:53:21 PM »
Wow.  Simply wow.  THAT'S what yo post on here for??!!

Petling
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #20 on: September 04, 2008, 03:58:04 PM »
No, now I really love your poem. & here's why: excellent tempo, perfect rhyming (an obsession of mine :lol: ) Nice & long with out being drawn out & boring, plus some good word choices.

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #21 on: September 04, 2008, 04:01:49 PM »
Thank you.  I love hving everyone dote on my poems, but I just wanna say... I wrote them to convey the inner meaning.  The emotion.  The pain.  If you don't get those feelings, that hatred, that pain, then I didn't write a good poem.  If so, please tell me.

Kadesh

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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #22 on: September 04, 2008, 04:15:09 PM »
 Oh yes. You feel those emotions very easily when reading it. That's why I like it so much. It's such a deep reflection on how I've felt at times over the years.
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10

Petling
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #23 on: September 04, 2008, 04:18:31 PM »
Same here!!! :-D

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #24 on: September 04, 2008, 05:38:50 PM »
YAY!!!!! Alright... i'm more or less getting better.  Kadesh, if you'd do me the honor of correcting my punctuation...

Kadesh

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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #25 on: September 04, 2008, 06:02:38 PM »
 Of course.
Sorry I've been gone so long, I was on vay-k.  Anyway, I'm feeling s**tty today.  Here's one that I cooked up, fresh from the ovens of hell.

The Insanity of Being Sane


I feel the need to act in hate.
To, with a devilish grin,
Let the world appreciate
The demon I am within.

To in anger lash out;
In desperation take hold.
To clear up the doubt,
With horrors untold.

What could they do?
Or think, or say?
To wound me deeper,
Than they have this day?

What in the world,
Could be worse than this?
This hateful prison,
This miserable bliss?

To be born a martyr,
A bodily freak,
And instinctually hate,
The very goals that you seek.

To despise yourself
With undisputable spite.
For doing what you know
Is the only thing right.

Could you survive it?
Could you stand tall?
Could you take pride,
In taking the fall?

I doubt that you could.
I know that you'd fall.
In fact, I doubt standing
Would be an option at all.



Again.. I'm not perfect at the punctuation. I'm sure there are those more qualified to correct it for you, but I hope I've done well. I'm honored to be asked.
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #26 on: September 04, 2008, 06:04:18 PM »
Thanks, that is better.

thefang1
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #27 on: September 05, 2008, 12:56:17 PM »
Yet another one...

Secrets



Iím sitting alone,
In a world screaming silence,
All on my own,
In air thatís so tense.

Whatís on my mind,
The curious may wonder,
But theyíll never find,
Cuz I push it all under.

Deep underneath,
In depths far too deep,
So far beneath,
Do those demons sleep.

Is it a sin,
To hide from the world,
What I have been,
And never unfurled?

You really wish,
To know the demon within,
Watch me perish,
And join my past kin?

Go on and look,
Search the dark corners,
Which God long forsook,
And left me to mourners.

What you find,
You wonít enjoy
If fate is kind,
And it isnít a decoy.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2008, 12:58:13 PM by thefang1 »

Petling
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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #28 on: September 05, 2008, 12:59:14 PM »
I love it!!! I love it!!! :-D

Kadesh

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Re: Yet another poetry thread
« Reply #29 on: September 05, 2008, 01:04:00 PM »
 I really like this one as well, but it doesn't flow as easily as your others. My tongue trips over the last two stanzas. I've read it a few times now and I just can't quite get them...
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10