Author Topic: My heart with a pencil.  (Read 3137 times)

Rainbow

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My heart with a pencil.
« on: January 07, 2009, 05:09:43 PM »
First of all sorry for the translation. I would do my best, so that those who do not understand Spanish can also enjoy my writing. I do not consider myself a poet, but I like to write with the heart in the hand. And most people do not get that message. Feel free to comment my fault (tell me all you want, really). That's why I am putting it here, to hear opinions and make improvements to my writing. Hope you like it!!! :-D

Me Siento Vacía
By: Sade Méndez Rivera


He mirado la luna, las nubes y las estrellas,
tratando de encontrar la dirección correcta.
La dirección que me lleve al lugar en donde pertenezco.
Al lugar en donde me sienta VIVA, en donde logre sonreír de nuevo.
Pero todavía es el día en que no lo encuentro.
Por mas que lo busco no hallo el lugar que me haga sentir alegría
y sigo por la vida sin rumbo exacto.

He malgastado noches buscando respuestas a preguntas ineptas.
He tratado de entender el por que de esta SOLEDAD interna.

A veces pienso que mi corazón no late.
A veces ni siento cuando mi respiración sale.
Que podré hacer? Que me falta por comprender?
Esta vez si me preocupo, por que no estoy triste, sino VACIA.

No tengo nada adentro, ni siquiera un trozo de odio.
Pero como quiera siguen saliendo esas lagrimas que no se de donde provienen.
Lagrimas que muchas veces siento que son lanzas desgarandome,
comiéndome por dentro, destruyendo todo lo que encuentran por su camino.
Me destrozan mi corazón, lo rompen hasta dejarme sin aliento y conocimiento.

Que puedo hacer?
Que nesecito para llenar este espacio y poder ser feliz otra vez?
Yo se que uno no se debe rendir.
Que no importa lo difícil que sea la situación uno debe de seguir hacia delante.
Pero esta vez no encuentro la luz al final del túnel, lo que veo es TINIEBLAS.

El piso esta lleno de espinas que me lastiman los pies cuando intento levantarme
y seguir caminando hacia delante.
Me siento atada a una pared, que no me deja subir hacia la claridad.
Miro a mi alrededor y me doy cuenta que no estoy sola,
que tengo mucha gente a mi alrededor apoyándome, gente que me quiere de verdad.
Pero como quiera en las noches no consigo el sueño.

Que me paso? Que paso con esa joven alegre
que no importaba lo que le pasara seguía hacia delante con una sonrisa en su cara?
Hoy tengo mi sonrisa plantada, pero mi corazón MARCHITADO.

Se que no soy la única que se siente así,
pero seré la única que se da cuenta que no es algo normal?
Trato de encontrar las fuerzas para levantarme a pelear mis MIEDOS,
pero simplemente no puedo. Mi aliento me quema desde muy adentro.

Las ganas de vivir se me esta yendo con cada una de las cosas que pienso.
A veces ni yo misma me comprendo.
He llegado a pensar cosas de las cuales después me arrepiento. 
Me miro al espejo y no me encuentro, la persona ahí reflejada no soy yo,
es una extraña a mis sentimientos. Alguien que se dice ser feliz. Mientras que no es cierto.

Mentir se ha vuelto mi mejor aliado para tapar mis verdaderos sentimientos.
Siento que no pertenezco  ni en mi propio cuerpo.
Y aquí estoy de nuevo me levanto a intentar aparentar ser feliz,
camino hacia la puerta esperando que en el día nadie me pregunte como me siento,
por que ya estoy cansada de mentir, de decir cosas que en verdad no pienso.

Creo que ya es demasiado tarde para tratar de decir la verdad.
A veces trato de explicarle a la gente como me siento, pero nadie entiende.
Me asusto vuelvo a sentirme SOLA, aunque este rodeada por gente.
Estoy en un bosque a oscuras,
solo con una brújula a mi mano que no me lleva a ningún lado.
Seguiré dando vueltas hasta que encuentre el lago
en donde pueda saciar esta sed que se ha vuelto un VACIO en mi corazón.
Espero poder despertar y descubrir que todo fue un mal sueño.

Translation: Sorry if something don't made sense just ask me and I will try to explain it.

I feel empty
By: Sade Méndez Rivera


I watched the moon, clouds and stars,
trying to find the right direction.
The direction that brings me to the place where I belong.
The place where I feel alive, where I can achieved to smile again.
But it is the day that I can not find.
For more that I seek I can’t find the place that makes me feel happy
and I for the life aimlessly accurate.

I wasted nights trying to answer questions inadequate.
I have tried to understand why this LONELINESS internally.

Sometimes I think my heart doesn’t beat.
Sometimes I don’t fell my breathing coming out.
What can I do? I need to understand?
This time I'm worried because I am not sad, but EMPTY.

I have nothing inside, not even one piece of hate.
But whatever the tears still coming out, & I don’t know from where they come.
Tears that often feel like spears tearing me apart,
eating me inside, destroying everything they found in their way.
They tear my heart out, breaking it up leaving me without breath or knowledge.

What can I do?
What do I need to fill this space and be happy again?
I know that I shouldn’t give up.
That no matter how difficult the situation is I should continue forward.
But this time I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, All I see is darkness.

The floor is full of thorns that I hurt the foot when I try to get up
I feel tied to a wall that will not let me go up to the light.
I look around me and I realize that I am not alone
I have great people leaning around me, people who really loves me.
But at night I can not sleep.

What happened? What happened to that happy young lady
that no matter what happened, she continued forward with a smile on her face?
Today I have planted my smile, but my heart withers.

I know I am not the only one who feels this way,
but am I the only one who notices that is not normal?
I try to find the strength to stand up to fight my fears,
but I just can’t. My breath burn from deep inside.

The will to live was going away with each one of the things I have in my head.
Sometimes I don’t understand myself.
I have come to think of things that I could later regret.
I look in the mirror and I don’t find myself, Iam not the person who is reflected there, is a stranger to my feelings. Someone who said is happy. While that’s not true.

Lying has become my best friend to cover my true feelings.
I feel that I do not belong, not even in my own body.
And here I am again trying to get up pretending to be happy, I’m walking to the door hoping that in the day nobody asked me how I feel, because I'm tired of lying, saying things I really don’t think or feel.

I think it is too late to try to tell the truth.
Sometimes I try to explain to people how I feel, but nobody understands.
I’m scared again, feeling alone, but surrounded by people.
I'm in a dark forest, only with a compass in my hand that doesn’t lead me anywhere.
I will continue going around until I find the lake
where I can quench the thirst that has become a void in my heart.
I hope I can wake up and discover that it was all a bad dream.


Thanks for taking your time to read my post. I really appreciate.  :-D
 
All That Is Now, All That Is Gone & All That's To Come!!!

Nina
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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2009, 05:16:03 PM »
Very nice, dear! Please, give us more!

Rainbow

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2009, 01:13:17 PM »
You can have my heart, but never my pride.
By: Sade Méndez
Today like every day I am thinking of you but like always I will not tell you that without you I can’t breath the things between you and me didn’t work out I wasn’t what you were looking for and when I think about that I sit on the ground and ask myself what did I did wrong and I cry for hours but I don’t have a answer but today is different because today you call and I realize that I wasn’t the problem, you are the one who doesn’t know what he really want

But still my knees are like jelly and I have butterflies in my belly and I don’t know why? I should hate you for hurting my heart

The phone rings and I am dying to answered but my pride don’t let me put the past behind, and I run away out to the rain I had always liked walking in the rain because no one know I am crying

And then its start all over again asking my self how did I fell for your fake fairytale

And now I don’t know what to believe I don’t want to lie to myself thinking about being beside you but what can I do? My heart is taking over I can’t fight it  so I act like everything is fine like I didn’t even realize it was you on the other side  I hear your voice and it makes it more hard to not fall on the floor and cry

I want to hang up so bad but still I don’t have the bravery to say goodbye
I hate myself right now for not being myself, for letting you control my acts
I know you are asking yourself why? Why I am acting this way?
Well is easy I am not going to let you know you won
You have my heart alright but I still have my pride

I love you still and I am not going to hide it but don’t even think that I will let you do with me whatever you want.
All That Is Now, All That Is Gone & All That's To Come!!!

Rainbow

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2009, 01:55:02 PM »
Vacío, Dolor y Desesperación: Emociones causadas por lo que es solo un recuerdo.
By: Sade Méndez

Me encuentro aquí mirando el cielo que nos vio feliz. Recostada en el recuerdo de aquella travesura que en un momento llegaste a escribir. Mi corazón se detuvo cuando a nuestro lugar secreto llegue. Esperando ver lo único que queda de nuestro amor, pero solo para darme cuenta que tal y como tu se fue. Lagrimas acarician mi rostro cuando me acuerdo de aquel día que bajo las estrellas escribiste el detalle mas bello. En ese momento debí de entender que pronto te irías y no volvería a tener tu cuerpo. Desde un comienzo sabía que ese día iba a llegar, pero lo que saber no quería es que nada era verdad. Que en ningún momento te importe, que ahora solo soy un recuerdo y que no te duele el que no este. Aun así se que lo daría todo por ti. Que aunque en alguna vez me herí lo volvería a hacer por tal de verte feliz. Le puedo mentir al mundo entero, decir que lo nuestro nunca fue. Pero en mi corazón esta la verdad y no me arrepiento. Tú fuiste el que hizo las cosas mal. Y aunque ahora deseara que todo se lo lleve el viento, lamentablemente esta pegado en mi cuerpo. Este amor que siento es más fuerte que un recuerdo. Sentir este vacío por tenerte lejos y saber que para ti solo fui un juego. Ya no quiero pensar que en algún momento tú eras lo que me daba aliento, por que me duele saber que lo sigues siendo. Que por eso en las noches muerta me siento. Y solo el recordar que no puedo pensar en ti me llena de sufrimiento.

Pero que se puede hacer son las cosas que pasan cuando amas a alguien que solo se ama a el. Por que ese cuento que ella es la de tus sueños la mujer, sabemos que ni siquiera ella te lo cree.  Por que cuando uno ama uno no es INFIEL. Uno aguanta por esa persona hasta el insulto más cruel. Uno es capaz de humillar y negar su propio ser. Por tal que el amado no llore sobre su piel. Me desespera el no poder tenerte cerca. Me duele que para ti yo signifique menos que ella. No puedo amarte por que me duele demasiado el recordarte. Y te amo demasiado para odiarte. Solo me quedo con un vacío en mi interior, que me come y corroe por dentro. Una explosión de emociones que a tí nunca te importaron. Por que para ti yo solo fui un objeto. Pero todo es mi culpa por dejar mi guardia abajo y pensar que en verdad tú no eras como los demás. Trate de complacerte en todo, por que tu te merecías eso y mucho mas. Pero lo único que me llevo conmigo son solo recuerdos de un amor que nunca será.

Translation: Sorry if something don't made sense just ask me and I will try to explain it.

Empty, Pain and Despair: Emotions that are caused by what is now just a memory.
By: Sade Méndez

I stand here watching the sky that saw us happy one time. Lying in the memory of that prank that you came to write. My heart stopped when I got to our secret place. Waiting to see all that remains of our love, but only to realize that just like you it has left. Tears caress my face when I remember that day under the stars when you wrote the most beautiful detail you have ever gave me. At that time I had to understand that soon you would go and I would not have your body again. From the beginning I knew this day would come, but I did not want to know that nothing was true. At no time did I matter to you, now I'm just a memory and you are not hurt because I am not there anymore. Yet I would give all for you. That although I have hurt myself, I would do it again just to see you happy. I can lie to the world, saying that I was never yours. But I in my heart the truth lies and I do not regret it. You were the one who made things wrong. And though now I wish that everything is gone with the wind, unfortunately is stuck in my body. I feel this love is stronger than a memory. Feeling this emptiness from having you so far away, and knowing that for you I was just a game. I don’t want to think that at some point you were what gave me encouragement, because it still hurts to know you still are. That's why at night I feel I'm dead. And just remember that I can’t think of you full me of suffering.

But those are things that happen when you love someone who just loves himself. Because the story of she being the woman of your dreams, we both know that even she doesn’t believes it. Because when you love someone you are not unfaithful. One holds for that person to the cruelest insult. One is able to humiliate and deny their own being. For the love that does not cry about your skin. I despair that we can not get close. It hurts me that for you I don’t mean anything. I can’t love you, cuz it hurts me too much to remember you. And I love you too much to hate you. Iam left with a emptiness inside me, that eat me and corrode me inside. An explosion of emotions, that for you never had significance. Because for you I was only an object. But everything is my fault, for letting my guard down and really thinks that you were not like the others. Trying to please you in everything, cuz I thought you're deserved that and much more. But the only things I take with me are just memories of a love that will never be.


All That Is Now, All That Is Gone & All That's To Come!!!

Rainbow

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2009, 12:01:01 AM »
Dejar ir Cuando Quieres Aguantar mas Fuerte
By: Sade Méndez

Muchas veces el tiempo se hace dueño de nuestras acciones. Nos deja sin palabras y emociones. Pero no por que nos falten, sino por que no tenemos la manera de decir y hacer todo en el momento que queremos.
 
 
Hace varios días atrás mi vida estaba llena de pensamientos. Una pregunta me rodeaba la cabeza sin poder dejarme dormir. Una pregunta a la cual ya le tenía respuesta. Pero mi miedo no era darla, si no miedo a como la cojíeran.
 
En momentos pensé que mi vida ya había encontrado su camino. Por fin me sentía totalmente feliz aunque las cosas no iban de la mejor manera. En mi corazón había una cierta paz que me hacia sonreír, aunque lo que quería era salir corriendo a gritar.
 
Hoy me doy cuenta que se ha desrumbado de nuevo el mundo. Me he dado cuenta que mis sueños se van lejos a donde no los puedo alcanzar. Muchos piensan que debo de salir corriendo tras ellos. Pero como perseguir un sueño que no quiere ser perseguido.
 
Pero de verdad me debería importar lo que el sueño piense. O debo de ignorarlo y demostrarle que sin el mi vida no tiene sentido.
 
Las noches han pasado lejos me encuentro y sin escuchar ni un susurro de lo que yo llamo perfecto. Quisiera cree que es mejor así. Pero como le digo a mi corazón que se mantenga completo, cuando yo se que realmente nunca lo va a volver a estar. Tratar de entender el por que, por que ahora cuando por fin acepto lo que nunca había querido aceptar. Por que cuando estoy dispuesta a luchar contra mi misma si es necesario. Tiempo. Por que no tengo más tiempo.
 
Cerrar mis ojos, tener tan cerca una vida y a la misma vez que se aleje sin yo poder detenerla. Mirar me al espejo y darme cuenta que no soy la misma. Que han tocado mi alma, no solamente mi corazón. Que me han abierto el cuerpo y llenado de paz. Nadie dijo que la vida seria justa y eso lo he sabido desde que llegue a ella. Pero por que es tan difícil cerrar un capitulo de tu vida, si ya aprendiste lo necesario de el. Como podré seguir mirando al espejo cuando mi esencia se halla ido a otro lugar.
 
Como podré mantenerme callada por tanto tiempo. Como podré vivir sin decir lo que siento a los cuatro vientos. Libertad sin poder usarla, es peor que encierre con ganas de aprovechar la libertad completa. Amar sin poder dar amor a esa persona que te llena de sonrisas hasta en los momentos más llenos de tinieblas. Amar así es mucho peor, que andar por el mundo buscando amor sin encontrarlo. Es más malo que sentirse vacío. El vacío se puede llenar con ilusiones y experiencias. Pero si todo esta ocupado, en donde hay espacio para experiencias nuevas e ilusiones distintas.
 
Sentada en el lugar de siempre me percato que mi mundo no es el mismo. Que cuando mis pensamientos se van con mi sueño, ya no hay cuatro paredes rodeándome, sino un cielo lleno de estrellas con una luna deslumbrante. Una arena tan suave que parece algodón. Y unos brazos que me aguanta y me prometen protegerme de todo lo inesperado. Que no siempre estarán ahí para atraparme cuando me tropiece y valla a caer. Pero que siempre me apoyaran cuando necesite levantarme con mi frente en alto.
 
A veces el amor significa dejar ir cuando quieres aguantar mas fuerte…

Translation: Sorry if something don't make sense just ask me and I will try to explain it.

Let Go When You Want to Hold on Firmly
By: Sade Méndez

Sometimes time takes ownership of our own actions. Leaves us without words and emotions. But not because these are missing, just cuz we have no way to say and do everything we want at the moment.
 
 
Several days ago my life was full of thoughts. One question surrounding my head that don’t let me sleep. A question, which already had a response. But my fear was not given it, if not fear as how it will be taken.
 
At times I thought my life had already found the right way. At last I felt totally happy, even though things were not at the best. In my heart there was a certain peace that made me smile, but what I wanted was to run away screaming.
 
Today I realize that my world have fallen again. I realized that my dreams are far away from where I can achieve them. Many think that I should run after them. But should I pursue a dream that does not want to be pursued.
 
But I really should care what the dream thinks. Or should I ignore it and show that without it my life has no meaning.
 
The nights have passed away and I don’t hear a whisper of what I call perfect. I would think it is better this way. But how do I tell my heart to maintain full, when I really know that is never going to be like that again. Trying to understand why, why now when I finally accept what I had never wanted to accept. Why when I’m willing to fight myself if necessary. Time, Why I don’t have more time.
 
Closing my eyes, to have so close a life, and in the same time watching it go away without being able to stop it. I look in the mirror and realize that I am not the same. That someone have touched my soul, not just my heart. That they have opened my body and filled with peace. Nobody said life would be fair and we've known since the beginner. But why is so difficult to close a chapter of your life, if you have learn from what’s necessary. How can I keep looking in the mirror when my heart is gone elsewhere?
 
How can I keep silent for so long. How can I live without saying what I feel to the four winds? Freedom that can not be use, is worse than to live in seclusion. Love without giving that person that fulls you of smiles even in the darkest moments. To love like that is so much worse, than to walk through the world trying to find love. It is worse than feeling empty. The emptiness can be filled with dreams and experiences. But if everything is occupied, where can I put new experiences and different dreams.
 
Sitting in the usual place, I realized that my world is not the same. When my thoughts are with my dream, I am no longer surrounded by four walls, but by a sky full of stars with a dazzling moon. Sand that seems as soft as cotton. And your arms around me holding me and promising me to protect me from all the unexpected. That not always are there to get me when I go to stumble and fall. But that always help to get up with my head held high when I need support. 
Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on firmly...

Thanks for taking your time to read it. Feel free to suggest and comment!!!
All That Is Now, All That Is Gone & All That's To Come!!!

Nina
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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2009, 01:40:20 AM »
This felt like having your heart on my palm for real, dear. Really! I congrat you for being able to open yourself like this.

Rainbow

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2009, 01:41:54 AM »
Thanks Nina, you are the only one that read my things. I really apreciated a lot!!! :-D
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Nina
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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #7 on: January 17, 2009, 01:44:20 AM »
Im sure Im not the only one, dear. Others are just shy.  :wink:

Rainbow

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #8 on: January 17, 2009, 02:00:12 AM »
Yeah, maybe you are right!!! :-D
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Nina
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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2009, 02:31:38 AM »
I know I am, just see how many times this was read, and you will see it yourself too!  :wink:

Rainbow

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2009, 05:10:40 AM »
Almas Encerradas

Tristes solas andan por el mundo, dicen que aman, pero no es un amor profundo. Se encuentran y hablan, y solo con una mirada bastaba, para que se dieran cuenta que se han amado en vidas pasadas.

Cariñosa y Cruel se llamaban esas almas. Almas encerradas en ilusiones humanas. Cuerpos frágiles las rodeaban, amando a otros se encontraban amabas. Tarde se encontraron, lastimar a sus amantes era lo necesario. Sacrificar sus cuerpos era lo correcto, dejar ir otra vez y empezar de nuevo el cuento.

Distancia poner para que no rocen sus cuerpos. Pero no entienden que se llevan debajo de la piel muy adentro. Dejándose llevar encuentran el deseo, electricidad sienten pasar de cuerpo en cuerpo. Entrelazan sus manos y entonces lo entienden, esta escrito, cada uno es parte de su destino. Negación corroe todos sus sentidos. Miedos que despiertan lágrimas y suspiros.

En un mes puedes encontrar tu verdadero camino. En un mes nacen sentimientos que uno da por muertos. En un mes se crean sueños que nos llevan al cielo. En un mes logramos iluminar un sendero.

Pero que hacer cuando tu cuerpo es de alguien, pero tu alma es de alguien más.

Dos almas encerradas en dos cuerpos extraños. Dos almas enamoradas en dos cuerpos alejados. Pero será más fuerte el amor y la pasión o lo conocido y el temor? Temor a dañar algo bueno que podría ser mejor pero termine peor. Temor a dejar adentro un total desconocido y dejarte llevar por la pasión.

Despiertan y se dan cuenta que nada paso, miran al lado y el engaño esta ahí echado. Ese cuerpo que dicen que es su ser amado, lo abrazan, lo besan, y a la normalidad todo regresa. Otra noche vendrá en la cual esas almas se encontraran y lo demostraran, que escrito esta, que ellas se deben amar.


Translation:
Souls Locked

Sad walk alone through the world, they say they love, but not a deep love. Meet and talk, and just one look was enough to make them realize that they have loved eachother in past lives.

Loving Cruel that's how these souls were called. Souls imprisoned in human illusions. Bodies surrounding the fragile, loving others were loved. Subsequently found to hurt their lovers what was necessary. Sacrifice their bodies was the right thing, letting go again and start again the story.

Distance was put for their bodies not rub together. But they do not understand that they carried eachother under the skin deep. Are left carrying the desire to move from body to body. They interlock their hands and then they understand, it is written, eachone is part of the otherone destiny. Denial eats all their senses. Raising fears Sighs and tears.

In one month you can find your true path. Feelings are born in a month that a presumed dead. In one months creating dreams that take us to heaven. In one month we managed to illuminate a path.

But what to do when your body is of someone, but your soul is for someone else.

Two souls locked in two foreign bodies. Two bodies in two love souls away. But it will be stronger the love and passion or the known and the fear? Fear of damaging something good that could be finished better but could get worse. Fear of leaving in a total unknown and getting caught up in passion.

Wake up and realize that nothing happened, look at their side and deceit lying there. That body they say is their loved one, hug it, kiss it, and everything returns to normal. Another night will come in which those souls will meet againg and they will demonstrate that it is written, that they should love eachother for another eternity.
All That Is Now, All That Is Gone & All That's To Come!!!

Spade

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2009, 05:16:10 PM »
agh i hate the red on the grey. doesnt sit well with the eyes

Amaya

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Re: My heart with a pencil.
« Reply #12 on: March 09, 2009, 08:23:53 AM »
It's preferred you say something about the piece itself and not the text color, Spade.

It's a lovely piece, Rainbow. All of your pieces are beautiful. Sorry I didn't have time to check them out earlier, my friend.  :-)