Author Topic: A preview of a novel I'm working on.  (Read 3070 times)

onishadowolf

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A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« on: April 08, 2009, 04:58:46 AM »
Did not know this section was here. I would like to share a sample of a novel I'm curently working on. Now do keep n mind this a rough draft of the first chapter...here we go.


Looking up at the expanse of space made me feel small. Of course I couldn't see the invisible barrier that kept the atmosphere in, which also made me feel panicked for a visible barrier to keep the air around me. It was silly to wish for a old fashioned dome  over my head, but nothing has happened to Lunar Metropolis yet. So, it was safe.
As I was walking the bustling streets heading for the transport area, I stopped by a medical supply store and stocked up. When I made it to the entrance to the transport area I got a call on my communicator, it was my contact, in his gruff voice he told me to head to the nearest transport terminal that's departing and stand in front of guard. It only took a minute to get across to the nearest terminal that was departing, the room was only as big as an ancient auditorium, terminal four was departing. Walking up to the guard I noticed there was only eight terminals in all, four on one side and four on the other. As I was standing in front of the guard, my contact told me to hang up and tell the guard he has a call coming in. While I was agreeing the guard studied me, there wasn't much to study of my brownish colored hair that was cut short and spiked for first utility and second for looks. He studied my face next, looking at my aquiline features, my prominent nose (broken a few times in some catinas), my thin lips, and my sharp chin. He then proceeded to study my body, I was tall, average build; proportional to my height, slight muscular build, I had on a small brown vest covering a off white survival shirt (standard model just equipped with a distress beacon and body temperature modulator), had on basic PDA enhanced khaki's(the crappy version), with the circle glowing near my left pocket signaling it was in use. And he studied my standard hiking boots, with that he was done. He assessed I was not a settler and turned his attention  away. I hung up with my contact and proceeded to get his attention again. When I got it I said "You're going to get a call." "What!" right after he said that his indicator started to blink, he put his hand up to his ear when a hologram of a speaker and mic appeared on his thumb and pinky finger, kind of like the call me sign you give the girl at the cantina after you see the server gave her the drink you ordered for her along with your number. I stood there listening to his "Yes sir" and "Right away, sir" becoming curious to what my contact was telling him, but of course I couldn't hear my contact only the guard could hear him in his inner ear. The holograms of the speaker and mic were just for show and common courtesy(obvious sign you're on the communicator). When he hung up he looked at me and said "You have friends in high places, not easy to get on a transport if your not settler." I looked at him thinking of something to say when he spoke first "Well go on and get in then." I was relieved. I hurried onto the transport, I immediately felt claustrophobic. There was five rows of seats with six in each row. Adding up to thirty seats close together for more cargo space. I scanned the gray colored interior for a break in the people, found one in row four dead center. As I took my seat I realized that I was carrying the bag of medical supplies still. When I sat back from putting the bag under my seat,  I took a better look around and  saw gray walls and floors with gray seats. The opaque plasma glass hid the pilots cockpit and right before it was a small alcove for the attendant, who only gave out motion sickness tabs for when the inertia dampers give out. The reason for the lack of accommodations is that these are settlers for the Medieval communities on Old Earth. They despise technology except medical of course. They don't want a epidemic on their hands and need supplies and a incoming populace to replace the adults who die in the skirmishes between fiefs. The attendant came out and started the opening speech about restraints and landing. After her speech about basic rules of the transport she caught my attention with the landing area, "We will be landing the south area, due to hostilities between north and east territories."  "Great, that's a lot closer"  I thought to myself.  "Hopefully  these ruins are worth all this!"
I still had to leave south territory because the ruins are in the Anttlerlá territory in west. The Anttlerlá  are an indigenous species of Old Earth, they are insects but intelligent. They are descendents of some colony oriented insect. We started our descent to Old Earth,  after we put on our restraints.  He whispers to himself as he nods off, "What have you gone and done Samuel, taking a transport to Old Earth.".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2 --------------------------------------------------------------------
 

Some time after the first stone age, but before the second one. During the last epoch of the giant reptiles, in a city called Atlantis, war was being waged. Civilization's greatest achievement, a city for all to live in, race, species, did not matter here. The last bastion of hope was compromised. Dimensional  beings known only as "Them", have breached the city and cut off contact with the spaceport.

"Kitsumae, that alarm is getting on my nerves! Can't they keep the lights and lose the sound?" The sounding alarm comes to a stop. "Well Alameda, it seems your wish has come true." "Let's go see what's going on in the command center." Alameda, "Good idea."
Pacing from one side of the command center to the other was the Commander. "Argh, what in the nine hells are they doing? Cutting of our supplies and reinforcements like that, what idiot said they had no intelligence for tactics. Because that is clearly a blockade."  The man being addressed, looks around and then opens his mouth. The Commander puts his hand up "That was a rhetorical question."
One of the intelligence officers stands up, "Sir, I think you want to see this!". The Commander walks over and looks at the holographic display. "Where does that go? Officer Phylius."  Phylius takes a deep breath, "That is the corridor for shipments and maintenance of the reactor." The Commander goes pale, steps back and takes a deep breath, "Start evacuation immediately, starting with non-combatants, then the Eden district, and last to go will be military personnel." All the officers in the room say in unison, "what!". "Do it now, I needed five million people evacuated yesterday!", all the officers start scrambling, "And where is that arrogant guy with the strange sword?". At the completion of his sentence, the Commander slaps his back, "What in the nine hells, something pricked me through my armor......." . He turns around knowing that only one person and weapon could do that, "Well, what do you know, it is true. Speak of Alameda and he does show.".
With a slight smile creeping onto his face, Alameda bows and says, "Greetings Commander, I couldn't help but over hear your troubles. Could I be of some assistance?" The Commander sighs, "I know you have been here the whole time and you know what I am about to ask of you!".  "Why yes Commander I do, while I am holding off the enemy, I make one simple request.". "Well, spit it out!". "Have the reptilian peoples escort the humans out of the Eden district.". The Commander steps back, "Why? You know they have had no contact with them since the start of the experiment. What kind of seed are you planting?"  Alameda laughs, " Why their beginning, of course."   The Commander turns his back to Alameda, "Fine, and they will also be their caretakers, since the republic doesn't allow the creation and production of sentient beings. They will assume they evolved here."
Alameda starts for the exit, "Oh, one other thing, don't wait up for me, my time here is done.".
The Commander whips around, " Hey, what do you......mean?", the door is already closed behind him.

Alameda swiftly walks down several hallways, that slowly slant down, going through half a dozen nanodoors and two energy doors. Specifically attuned for beings of this dimension. As he slows down to a slow walk at the last corner, he pulls out Kitsumae, "Are you ready friend?", "But of course, I always am Alameda.".  Alameda takes a deep breath and whispers, "Sing me a song befitting this moment, friend, don't worry the enemy cannot hear your crappy singing, unless they can read minds."
At the start of the ancient lullaby, Alameda charges into the corridor. After several hours, when the lactic acid started to slow him down, Alameda let out a powerful energy blast, to give himself a breather. "Well my friend, are the evacuations almost completed?", Kitsumae sighs in his head, "Yes, they are, do it!".
Alameda points the sword to the end of the corridor behind him. And blasts through the blast doors with the warning signs on them. "That should start the chain reaction.".
Alameda drops to one knee, most of his energy spent, the temperature drops in the corridor. "It has begun.".
A blinding blue light flashes, Alameda quick as a thought jumps up and slices a advancing enemy, that thought he was vulnerable from the light and needing sight. Alameda puts the sword point down and says, " Hopefully your singing will have improved the next time we meet, or you have better songs."  Before Kitsumae could reply, the blast came. The city and surrounding area was turned into a crater, with a unscathed sword dropping into the middle.
As Kitsumae is preparing for the long slumber until her master calls, a funny thought comes across her mind. "The silly humans will think an asteroid hit here, hehe!". And laughing at herself, she falls into her slumber.                                         


Samuel awoke to the sound of the flight attendant announcing their landing. He rubs his eyes and remembers bits and pieces of his dream, " what the hell kind of dream was that?". The passenger next to him responds, " I don't know you farking nutter, I didn't have the damn dream!".  I snarl at the man, and through gritted teeth, " It was rhetorical, asshole!". The man turns away muttering, " Damn nutter!". The flight attendant gives the signal for the release of the seat restraints. And opens the airlock, while telling everyone to make a single file line. Immediately after she opened the second door of the airlock, my nose was assaulted by the smell of the settlement. " Eww, is that manure?, and what is that other smell?", a different passenger answered me this time. " Don't worry, you'll get used to it.", " Hardly!", I replied.
With the bag from under my seat, I followed the line to the welcoming crowd at the designated officer of settler placing. Come my turn he looks me up and down and says, " Huh, you must've gotten special permission to get down here. What brings you here?". Well, I guess I could tell him, " I'm here for a archaeological dig. Do you need papers?".  The officer takes a quick look around, "Nah, I'm sure it's not in this area anyway. Am I right?". " Yes sir, it's in the Anttlerlá territory." . " Ok, be on your way then, get supplies that you need and move on.". " Thank you sir!".
I walked past the officer to the main road, dodged some horse droppings and took a look at the shops and stands lining the road. About six shops down I saw what I was looking for, a Apoctheray shop. I went inside and traded the medical supplies for coins, from a very grandfather looking old man. I went outside with my new bag of coins and looked around until I saw a smithy. I walked about three yards before a hunched man ran into me. Of course, I wasn't born yesterday. I tripped the hunched man, making him land flat on his stomach and spilling the decoy coin bag full of rocks. I walked over to the rocks and put them back in the coin bag while grinding my heel into the man's hand, which caused for him to yelp, " I sorry kind sir, please have mercy!". I wonder how many times he has been caught?
I left the man lying on the ground waiting for a knife to be put to his throat and continued through the crowd to the smithy.
When I arrived at the smithy, the black smith himself greeted me. " What can do for ya lad?".
I pulled out my list and started giving him the order. " I will need twenty small throwing blades, two long blades with one a little shorter then the other, some light armor, a horse, and holders for the small blades, that I can conceal.".
The black smith smiled and said, " Quite a list you have there lad. And how will you be paying me?".
" Coins of course.", I took a look at his wares to see if there was anything he didn't have to make. Which there wasn't any.
The black smith looks both directions and waves me closer, " And would you happen to like my special mixture too?".
" Why not sir."
" Good lad, I only offer my special mixture to a few, it's a off world recipe.".
Now that is interesting, to find the only black smith here with a modern knowledge of metallurgy. The craftsman looks at me, " Well, I know you more on that list lad.".
Yeah I did, " Yeah it's just supplies I can't get here. You know water carrier and so on.".
" Give me the list lad, I can get everything on it ten times cheaper then yerself can.".
" Why are you doing me this favor?"
" Well lad, I came here about twenty years ago, I traded medical supplies for coins like yerself. And had a run in with a pickpocket like yerself, exceptin I wasn't streetsmart like yerself is. Now I wasn't a complete dullhead and put all my eggs in one basket, but still it was a lot. After the pickpocket, I was swindled out the rest by the shops. So, I have a heart for off worlders. Alright lad, story time be over now, you sleep in the spare room I have. This will take a day, but it is worth it lad, oh is it.".

There was a two story like house directly behind the smithy. I walked past the kitchen house to the front door. It smelled good inside, like cedar, I walked past the sparse living area to a hallway with a stair case on one side.
                     

« Last Edit: June 12, 2009, 09:15:17 PM by onishadowolf »
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Sora Wolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2009, 08:20:37 AM »
WOW!!! That is really good I would like to read the rest. go to my profile and email me the rest of your story.
Thnxs.
*Sora*
Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high.

Cold By: Crossfade.

blacksite117

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2009, 02:38:25 PM »
what happens next??? :? tell me :gun:
you are what you think you are,
what you feel you are, and
most importantly who you tell yourself you are.
so think think positive.
life's to short for negative thinking.
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onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2009, 04:50:47 PM »
Finishing it up.
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onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2009, 06:34:30 AM »
Just added a new chapter. Enjoy.
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onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2009, 02:50:26 PM »
Damn Microsoft word locked up because I didn't get the full version.
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blacksite117

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2009, 02:57:49 PM »
that happened to me... get open office 3.1 one its basically microsoft works/office with a different name and its free, oh yeah and it works with microsoft word documents
you are what you think you are,
what you feel you are, and
most importantly who you tell yourself you are.
so think think positive.
life's to short for negative thinking.
________________________
all wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers

onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2009, 03:00:39 PM »
Cool, going to try that out. Thanks for the info, my hand was starting to cramp from hand writing.
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blacksite117

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2009, 03:04:46 PM »
no problem glad to help someone express themselves without injuring them
you are what you think you are,
what you feel you are, and
most importantly who you tell yourself you are.
so think think positive.
life's to short for negative thinking.
________________________
all wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers

onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2009, 06:28:26 AM »
I'm stuck, the research is'nt coming back with anything. I'm starting to think I have a orignal idea, which is absurd because almost everything has been done before or at least thought of. Damn it's hard to make a species realistic, guess I'll just use my knowledge of biology and evolution. If someone can tell me of a site that talks about the future evolution of potential sentient species here on Earth, would be great.
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Devinoir

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2009, 03:47:26 AM »
I'm stuck, the research is'nt coming back with anything. I'm starting to think I have a orignal idea, which is absurd because almost everything has been done before or at least thought of. Damn it's hard to make a species realistic, guess I'll just use my knowledge of biology and evolution. If someone can tell me of a site that talks about the future evolution of potential sentient species here on Earth, would be great.

You can just google the thing, I'm sure that way you'll find something.
Your story's not bad, by the way.
And about being realistic - you might not want to go there, as there is never too realistic, or realistic enough. Make it LOOK real, and that's enough.
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Only long asleep...

onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #11 on: June 22, 2009, 07:37:31 PM »
Thanks for the vote of confidence. (I mean it, lets me know I'm doing good and not just writing giberish.)
I did use google, all I got was something on squid primates. Which was in the wrong time frame for me. I want to use Ants, Cats, wolves, and dolphines.
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Demon_Detective_Leo

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2009, 08:04:03 PM »
This is really good, I would like to read more when you post it.
In Pandora's box came out evil, illness, and death which mankind did not know of until then. And at the bottom of the box was hope for mankind.
You know what I would do, if I had my god-damn choice, I would be the catcher in the rye...or should I?

onishadowolf

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #13 on: June 22, 2009, 10:55:02 PM »
Thanks, I will post more. Working on the next chapter now. I also have a prologue. It helps to piece things together.
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Kadesh

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Re: A preview of a novel I'm working on.
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2009, 10:39:31 AM »
 Good stuff, oni. There are a few editorial issues, but a publisher would take care of all that for you. Great story, looking forward to reading the rest someday!
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