[Devinoir]

Okay so I decided to finally open my own poetry thread. Feel free to criticize and please tell me what you think. I'm starting out with my first poem written in English (I mostly write in Russian)



Endless


Thoughts go through
Right through your mind,
Sometimes you think of suicide,
Thoughts go through
And they come back..

I loved you once
I'll love again
Love's a game that never ends,
You don't seem to find your way,
But it's okay..

You hate you cry
You fall and die,
You ask yourself for reasons why
You've trapped yourself inside your lies
But that just happens in your mind.

I find you gone
And yet again
I find that it just never ends,
So close your eyes, give me your hand -
You know that we'll all turn to sand.

We fail we fall, we lose it all
But in the end it's us alone
So I can live this life again
So many times
That I forget..

[Devinoir]

And another one, the second one, written about two months ago:


Far Behind


I've left my sunshine far behind,
Now I'm sorry I'm not blind,
I know I'm gonna die someday,
But that day's too far away.
Cause in the dark I've lost my mind,
But - just at first -I merely cried,
Then there came my old friend pain,
Then I never was the same.
You can laugh - it's kind of fun,
The way at first I missed the sun,
Then it all just washed away,
My life became a painful game.
I've left my sunshine far behind,
It's been long since I am blind,
So long since I've lost my soul,
Just too long to care at all.

[rave phillaphia]

awe thats so sad 

[Moloch]

Keep trying, Devi. The more you read, the more you'll write. The more you write, the better your writing will become - though what you have posted is still pretty good.

[Devinoir]

Keep trying, Devi. The more you read, the more you'll write. The more you write, the better your writing will become - though what you have posted is still pretty good.

Thank you on that. What poets do you suggest? Besides yourself?

[Devinoir]

I wrote this one tonight.


Insomnia


There are these nights I cannot sleep,
Nights that pass just more like weeks,
Nights I have to sit and weep
For a whore like you so cheap.

Is it something I had done
To deserve this spiteful pain?
To make me hide away from sun,
To think of you each time it rains..

I loved you once, I hate you now,
There is no difference somehow,
As to what I felt and feel -
Love and hate take turns to kill.

There are these wounds that cannot heal,
There are these scars that shall remain,
And not a thing that's left to feel,
And not a thing that I can mend.

I turn my eyes to something dark,
Something lurking in my heart -
The time has come to let it out,
To let it houl and let it shout.

'Cause these sad tears ain't worth a thing,
'Cause these nights - they were a loss,
I'll find another whore for me,
A lot of them I come across.

There are these nights I think it's you,
My eyes tell me it's not true,
She's much more beautiful than you,
I laugh and say that beauty's cruel.

[Moloch]

Read anything and everything you can get your hands on, even cereal boxes and the toilet paper wrapper. There's no such thing as reading too much.

[Ryobi]

Dayumm noir these are some good ideas and pieces, the thing I've found with poetry is that a good poem is either added to and improved over years and years or written in one moment and never touched again.

The first is beautiful, darker, colder and perfected because it is so much about the thoughts the second method usually makes for a fiery and more emotional piece but usually still as beautiful because it speaks more from the heart than from reason.

Like Moloch said read, read, read. You're already doing some great things with words mate.

I especially like this verse:

I turn my eyes to something dark,
Something lurking in my heart -
The time has come to let it out,
To let it howl and let it shout.

The simple language adds to this, it makes me think of primal instinct.

[Devinoir]

Dayumm noir these are some good ideas and pieces, the thing I've found with poetry is that a good poem is either added to and improved over years and years or written in one moment and never touched again.

The first is beautiful, darker, colder and perfected because it is so much about the thoughts the second method usually makes for a fiery and more emotional piece but usually still as beautiful because it speaks more from the heart than from reason.

Like Moloch said read, read, read. You're already doing some great things with words mate.

I especially like this verse:

I turn my eyes to something dark,
Something lurking in my heart -
The time has come to let it out,
To let it howl and let it shout.

The simple language adds to this, it makes me think of primal instinct.

Thanks girl, this means a lot.

[Devinoir]

To Her

I saw you turn into a ghost
To come and haunt my dreams,
I saw my path to end, I'm lost,
I'm lost, and you're outside my reach.

You can't save me, I won't ask,
You came from some forgotten world,
A world I now have come to hate,
A world where souls are bought and sold.

I saw you float into my life,
I saw you crush into my dreams,
I saw you coming in the night,
In dark, when nothing's as it seems.

And now we're done,
You're just a ghost.
Here comes the sun...
Oh how I'm lost.

[Devinoir]

The Road

The wind still whispers at my back,
It says it has nowhere to go,
This lonely highway has no end -
To hell with that, and I shall roam
Up on this highway all alone.

The wind is gusting all the way,
It hides away the world from me,
I gave this wind so many names -
Hatred, love and simple need,
Lust and loneliness and greed.

The wind is whipping at my back -
It says it knows where I should go,
God, oh would you give me strength?
I ask you now, and yet I know -
There ain't a god on this ole road.

Ain't a drink on this damn road,
Ain't a cigarette to smoke,
There is the wind to lead me on,
And still in this hell I will rock,
Even on this road there's hope.

[Devinoir]

Just a Dream

My devil walks past
In her long crimson dress,
She winks her eye at me,
I'm inclined to follow,
I'm feeling so hollow,
For love that I don't need.

My words - they flow past,
A fiery glance -
Is all it often takes,
For me to rush after
Her sinister laughter,
Forgetting my mistakes.

I take her till dawn,
Her screams and her moans,
Her body full of sin...
But then I awake,
Feeling useless and fake -
It's always just a dream.

[Demon_Detective_Leo]

Bravo. The works you have done, they are wonderful. Few target death and pain, one targets destiney or fate depending on what you want to call it, and the last one targets dreams that can do much of nothing. I give you my respcet as a writer and hope to read more when more is posted.

[Devinoir]

Bravo. The works you have done, they are wonderful. Few target death and pain, one targets destiney or fate depending on what you want to call it, and the last one targets dreams that can do much of nothing. I give you my respcet as a writer and hope to read more when more is posted.

And - thank you once again on that wonderful compliment, detective. More shall soon be posted, I just need another drink.

[Demon_Detective_Leo]

If it is one per drink, make it a double over the rocks