Author Topic: Kubic poetry  (Read 5006 times)

KubeSix

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Kubic poetry
« on: August 02, 2009, 01:32:36 AM »
Heh, I can see a few have created their own poetry threads, so might as well make mine. I write as a hobby, but I haven't written any poetry for a year or two, so let's see what I can do :wink:

Red.
A crimson veil over my vision,
As I lay in bed,
Venturing far from reason.

The color of love,
Like a blessing from above.
But is it truly love that I seek?
Emotions reaching their peak.

Rage.
It is blood that I see.
What is the meaning of this rampage?
It seems giving in is the key.

[Missing ending?]

Heh, so that was me rambling... I just wrote that in like two minutes and ran out of creativity for the ending verse... :-P I've never shown my poetry to anyone before now, so please tell me what you think of it!
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

Ryobi

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2009, 03:49:56 AM »
Nice linking, now all I can see is red, great!

But seems to jump around a bit? What does the last verse mean?
When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

Andrea Warfare

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2009, 09:24:09 AM »
It starts off great but starts to ramble off a bit...finish it!!
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KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2009, 11:19:44 AM »
Haha, okay, I'll try to finish it tonight. And yeah, it does ramble off XD The last verse was supposed to be explained in the ending, but I stopped writing there, so... :-P
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

ravinclaw

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2009, 12:52:17 PM »
only took a couple minutes? Thats prety good I think, finish it though.

KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2009, 01:35:52 PM »
Will do. Only tonight, though, that's when my creative side comes out :-)
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

Andrea Warfare

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2009, 04:36:41 PM »
Haha, okay, I'll try to finish it tonight. And yeah, it does ramble off XD The last verse was supposed to be explained in the ending, but I stopped writing there, so... :-P

Drink a bit and unleash the beast! Ha its funny,I can never write anything drunk  :doh:
Woah,that's great for just coming up withat that one the spot. Good Job!
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KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2009, 05:28:06 PM »
Haha, okay, I'll try to finish it tonight. And yeah, it does ramble off XD The last verse was supposed to be explained in the ending, but I stopped writing there, so... :-P

Drink a bit and unleash the beast! Ha its funny,I can never write anything drunk  :doh:
Woah,that's great for just coming up withat that one the spot. Good Job!

Thanks! ^_^ I might sneak a couple beers up to my room *looks over shoulder* :-P :-D
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2009, 09:22:54 PM »
Heh, alright, I made a V 2.0 for my poem, 'cause I've modified a few parts. Again, a 2-minute poem:

-----[ Red ]-----

Red.
A crimson veil over my vision,
As I lay in bed,
Venturing far from reason.

The color of Love,
The color of Anger.
Is it a blessing from Above,
Or a curse from Under?

Lust,
Rage.
Feelings that I must,
Send back to their cage.

So let me put on this mask,
Accept those lies I make up for the time being.
So in case someone asks,
It's in a bright, serene blue that I'm seeing.

Any better? :-P By the way, I said I would do it last night, but I forgot! XD
« Last Edit: August 03, 2009, 09:26:05 PM by KubeSix »
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2009, 09:40:01 PM »
Meaning: could've been better? Of course, the 2 minute thing meant it's not a final version, but I just can't seem to concentrate for too long, I always end up losing interest XD
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2009, 10:33:24 PM »
Thanks ^_^ I do think the last paragraph has lines that are a bit too long, though, but it's the only way I found to say what it meant. I even removed part of those lines :-P
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

Kadesh

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2009, 06:30:42 PM »
 To be honest with you, I liked the first version better. It flowed perfectly for me... it went from Red, love to emotions reaching their peak and then rage, and finally acceptance or 'giving in'.  Simple yet good. What else can you ask for? 
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KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2009, 07:15:28 PM »
Well, thanks! Now that I look back at the first version, I'm not sure if it lacked an ending.. Oh well, time to move on, I've only given you guys one poem in two versions, so I'll write one later...
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

Kadesh

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2009, 07:24:22 PM »
 Please do! I'm looking forward to it.
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KubeSix

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Re: Kubic poetry
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2009, 10:49:05 PM »
Here's a poem dedicated to my elder brother. All my life, I've looked up to him, even in his darkest hour. He's always been a role model for me, even when drugs got into play. Out of my four brothers, he's the only one I've always been able to identify myself with. The others are sports and popular. They have ambition and will most likely become big shots, all three of them. The eldest, on the other hand, I'll always remember him for what he did, not what he was. He did things just to challenge himself, not giving a s**t if it was right or wrong. I followed because I'm the same, I don't do things out of principle or morality, I do it out of curiosity. It's funny how the one I've always looked up to used to be a hacker, a pot head and a drug dealer. He gave up school even though he was accepted in college, but he's still making it. He lost his job as my dad's assistant recently because of the recession, but he's still there and he's not giving up, so this is for him because he's just that awesome and people like him deserve much more recognition than any big shot. He's also the one I have to thank for getting me into computers, hacking, reading, drawing and all the other things I like. Whenever I feel down or like I won't make it, I think about him, because he's always got a solution. I guess me and him are the disappointments of the family... When the my grandma asked me what I wanted to do later in life, my dad interrupted me and said I either wanted to be an engineer or a professor. When I said I might take art lessons to compliment my game design portfolio last winter, my mom said "Well, go see the orientation lady at school and ask her what drugs you should take to become good at it." Since then, I've stopped trying to meet their expectations. They're farking mistaken if they think I'll be the one taking care of them when they're old and toothless.

Bro

Let me tell you a story,

The stock broker and the nurse,
Had five children.
One became a doctor,
Another an actor.
The youngest, all could see,
Had potential.
A con artist,
Or a CEO,
Either way,
He'd be rich,
Care for the folks when they were on Death's list.

The elder, on the other hand,
Gave up when he still had a chance.
He grabbed the Devil by the horns,
Screwed life over,
And in the end,
Remained true to himself.
Took the path less taken,
Did it the hard way,
But I saw him rising,
Always saw him as a king.

The third of the group,
The black sheep of the herd,
Had the smarts,
The grades and the interest.
He had potential.

But "Fu­ck it.", he said,
He wanted to be an artist,
An author,
Or maybe a game designer.

So here I am,
Thinking back on my life,
No regrets,
I won't lie,
I looked up to the eldest,
Followed in his footsteps.

So when I die,
I'll thank one person,
And one only.
Not you, Dad,
Your dreams weren't mine.
I'll thank you, bro,
For all you've showed me,
All you've taught me.

Remember that time,
When they redid the street?
All we needed,
Was a wrench,
And a sharpie.
Cut the neighbor's water,
Write on the bulldozer.

Those were the times,
We had a good time.
And for those times,
I thank you, Brother.
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.