Author Topic: Far From Grace  (Read 1106 times)

RavenFreefall

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Far From Grace
« on: September 08, 2009, 02:47:06 AM »
Far from Grace

Given up knelt before thee,
All my faults now you see,
Sitting there picking at my self-esteem
Acting like your so crystal clean
Covered is my mouth so I canít speak
Hidden in the light, the dark I seek,
Devoid is my heart of all that was there,
While I seek out my perfect pair,
Here I sit, blinded by light,
While I wait for the pitch of night,
Fallen far have I from grace,
So I no longer see you angels face
Weighted are my steps, slowed by despair,
In the journey of life how will I fair?
Not that you would really care,
Cause you bled my love dry, left my soul stripped bare.


For the First TIme,
Im Losing Control,
And I Like It,
Freedom Feels Like The Noose is Gone

KubeSix

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Re: Far From Grace
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2009, 11:33:43 AM »
Nice poem, Raven! Very dark. :-)
Seek not beauty in battle. Seek not beauty in death. Consider not your own life. If you wish to protect that which must be protected, then strike when your opponent's back is turned.

RavenFreefall

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Re: Far From Grace
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2009, 06:17:23 PM »
hehehe thanks
For the First TIme,
Im Losing Control,
And I Like It,
Freedom Feels Like The Noose is Gone

Kadesh

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Re: Far From Grace
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2009, 06:47:21 AM »
 Nice poem, like Kube said. If I may offer a little tip, though... Check your punctuation throughout the poem. It will make it much easier to read. It flowed pretty well until the ending.."Not that you would really care, Cause you bled my love dry, left my soul stripped bare." You went from rhyming in groups of two, to skipping a sentence and rhyming the second one. If you want tips on punctuation and stanzas, go read some of Moloch's poetry. He's very good in that respect.. and others. lol.

 Overall, a good poem. Keep 'em coming.
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10