Author Topic: Poem Of A Prisoner  (Read 1470 times)

Rocket

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Poem Of A Prisoner
« on: October 04, 2009, 01:45:29 PM »
This is my first poem, so i'd like comments and constructive critisim that i can use to improve my poetry.

Thuder Booms,
and Lighting Crackles,
My ankles bound by Heavy Shackles.

While Iron bars keep me in,
My prison cell is dark and cold,
There's no escape from my stronghold.

There's not really much to do,
Which is why i'm in my room most times,
Thinking up my little rhymes.

I was falsely accused,
For a murderous crime,
Now, i'm quickly running out of time.

The injections there,
I'm on Death Row,
Scars and bruises there in tow.

Tell me what you think, i apologise now if i've mispelt anything.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2009, 01:49:16 PM by Rocket »

KubeSix

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Re: Poem Of A Prisoner
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2009, 02:55:33 PM »
Wow, that's pretty good! I liked the rhymes.

I have one question, though: Was it intended to be read literally, or figuratively?
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Strife

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Re: Poem Of A Prisoner
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2009, 04:53:19 PM »
Yeah it was good, could turn it into a song haha

Andrea Warfare

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Re: Poem Of A Prisoner
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2009, 05:58:22 PM »
Yeah,I really liked it.The hardest thing to do is to write in someone else's point of view.You've done this well.Keep it going and yeah I've got To agree with strife,it'd be a good song.
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Kadesh

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Re: Poem Of A Prisoner
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2009, 08:57:30 PM »
 Is it actually from someone elses point of view?? It sounds a lot to me like someone feels trapped by something...

 It's a good poem, Rocket. You need to work a bit on your meter, but it's still good. The imagery is good, but that last sentence throws it off a bit. I think it might be the word 'there' in that last line that throws it off. It's used too closely before that...
...The monster in the cage
       Is coming for you...
         9-29-10

Rocket

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Re: Poem Of A Prisoner
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2009, 06:48:11 PM »
Thanks, it can really be either.

I was really going for the POV of a prisoner, but if you took the last part out of it, it could be about someone feeling trapped.