Monstrous
The Animal Within => The Otherkin & Therians => Topic started by: TeteoInan on October 17, 2011, 04:04:29 PM
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I almost didn't want to start this Thread, because there are many like it...
But, we have New Members ( Welcome All! ) with Old Topics; this board needs some fresh discussion!
The Two main points I want to address and discuss here are Your Personal Stories and Your Theories on How all of this is Possible.
Of course, in here I'd like to go over the various popular theories; A spiritual connection, an Awakening ( I rather enjoy this one ), Bilocation ( which is something a member mentioned on a different thread.. Thank you again, 5arah! ) So on, so forth.
I would like to read about our Members' Therianthropic abilities in as much detail as the Individuals are comfortable sharing...
What are you? Is your "Other" a Totem? Perhaps a Soul you've encountered that has attached itself to you? Did you perform or partake in a Ritual? Were you born with this uniqueness? How did you find out? What sort of "Shifting" do you have, and can you describe what happens? How did it feel? What has triggered your more memorable shifts? Any embarrassing or outrageous experiences with your "Beast"?
Oh, all sorts of question!! :laugh:
Please keep in mind, this is not a Role Playing thread... I would appreciate it greatly, and I'm sure all members would, if Truth was told here.
With that being said, Bring it On!
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I almost didn't want to start this Thread, because there are many like it...
But, we have New Members ( Welcome All! ) with Old Topics; this board needs some fresh discussion!
The Two main points I want to address and discuss here are Your Personal Stories and Your Theories on How all of this is Possible.
Of course, in here I'd like to go over the various popular theories; A spiritual connection, an Awakening ( I rather enjoy this one ), Bilocation ( which is something a member mentioned on a different thread.. Thank you again, 5arah! ) So on, so forth.
I would like to read about our Members' Therianthropic abilities in as much detail as the Individuals are comfortable sharing...
What are you? Is your "Other" a Totem? Perhaps a Soul you've encountered that has attached itself to you? Did you perform or partake in a Ritual? Were you born with this uniqueness? How did you find out? What sort of "Shifting" do you have, and can you describe what happens? How did it feel? What has triggered your more memorable shifts? Any embarrassing or outrageous experiences with your "Beast"?
Oh, all sorts of question!! :laugh:
Please keep in mind, this is not a Role Playing thread... I would appreciate it greatly, and I'm sure all members would, if Truth was told here.
With that being said, Bring it On!
Once, again, I'll be the first to respond to one of T's thread :-D
Okay, I've always been a little "off-beat" since the beginning. I was like mickey, I used to have terrible dreams of wolves attacking and killing me and my family (which, my family being 10 people, was an all-out gore-fest). Suddenly when I was 13, I dream-shifted in that dream into a wolf and killed, maimed and for all intensive purpose DESTROYED that other wolf in my dream. I discovered that I was probably a Therian from my Aunt, who is into supernatural stuff and I accepted that I was a wolf Therian. I continued to dream-shift, and then a lot of deaths happened in my family and some detrimental stuff happened relationship-wise and some other stuff I don't want to talk about and I started to do pot to calm my depression, but I heard of meditation from a Buddhist friend of mine and decided to try it. Well, long-story short, the meditation caused me to mentally and spiritually shift into a timberwolf, and I felt liberated and free as a wolf, more than I EVER could as a human. I ran with a rough crowd, and started to do heroin, and one time I mentally-shifted while high and...I seriously think (still) that was the fracking best feeling I've ever felt in my life...I eventually met my GF, who was the only other were I knew of in the MPLS area (from Edina, I'm from Anoka)...I think the only reason she stayed with me was true love...At the end of Middle School, her and my mother were the only ones that saved me from myself, checking me into rehab was the best thing that ever happened to me. After Rehab, I turned from a timberwolf to an Arctic wolf in spirit form. Her and I have been together ever since, and formed a pack in HS (her, as ever, being the alpha), with a French-Canadian Vamp girl, her BF (now Husband) and my Raccoon-Therian Best-friend (and his GF, now Fiancee :-D) and we stuck together at HS, we were so the odd ones out in everything! I started the band La Clube Sanguine, we were all in it, and I was the lead singer. I am in college, studying double English-Spanish Major to teach in Puerto Rico, and me and my GF are expecting our first child (YAY!) and after we get married and the baby is born, we will be moving to San Juan. My Vamp friend and her Husband are moving back to Montreal and my Raccoon friend and his fiancee are moving to LA, so my pack is physically breaking-up, but we will NEVER break up spiritually, even if were scattered across the North American Continent...
I'll answer the other portion of your Question later, I'm so tired right now!! Thanks for listening T!!
PS - I agree with T. Seriously, If people want to post RPG stuff, isn't there a thread on that stuff on here somewhere??? Please Stop polluting the Den gamers! There's a BB tailored for you guys elsewhere on this site :) Serious stories only please...
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"Suddenly when I was 13, I dream-shifted in that dream into a wolf and killed, maimed and for all intensive purpose DESTROYED that other wolf in my dream"
So, your Spiritual change happened right around when all the Physical / Natural changes happened, then? This dream sounds like you may have been ridding yourself of Spiritual restrictions.
"seriously think (still) that was the fracking best feeling I've ever felt in my life"
I've heard something similar from alot of people that do anything Spiritual, not just Therians either... Being High can seriously enhance the sensations, or experience.
Particularly off of something like Salvia and/or Shrooms, apparently.
"After Rehab, I turned from a timberwolf to an Arctic wolf in spirit form."
Do you think your Girlfriend impacted your change? Brought you to a more pure and heartfelt change? Perhaps, opened another spiritual door for you?
"I'll answer the other portion of your Question later, I'm so tired right now!! Thanks for listening T!!"
You're Welcome, Arctic. Thank you for posting! This was a fantastic first story for the topic!
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So, your Spiritual change happened right around when all the Physical / Natural changes happened, then? This dream sounds like you may have been ridding yourself of Spiritual restrictions.
Well kind of, I was in the middle of all that by then, the "natural" changes started happening for me when I was 8, its genetic for both men and women in my family, so nothing unusual there....for us at least....
I've heard something similar from alot of people that do anything Spiritual, not just Therians either...
It still feels awesome, liberating and intoxicating everything I shift, it never gets old. I trust u now T, so I ain't even gonna lie to you; sometimes when I shift its a borderline sexual experience as I shift, sorry if I'm being too perverted by saying that, but its true, I said I wasn't gonna lie and I didn't... I am actually happier as a wolf than as a person a lot of times...I'm so much freer and able to be the true me :)
Do you think your Girlfriend impacted your change? Brought you to a more pure and heartfelt change? Perhaps, opened another spiritual door for you?
Most definitely...she's the one that loves me unconditionally and allowed me to discover my true self...
You're Welcome, Arctic. Thank you for posting! This was a fantastic first story for the topic!
Pleasure to be first poster again, I always post first on all your threads LOL And I got your message and my FB is blocked for some reason, so it will have to wait...I'll friend you as soon as I can :)
Oh and 'Manda asked me to say Hi earlier, she's the vamp friend I spoke earlier about...she's here picking up a few things from my Mom to take with her back to Montreal, we have relatives there, and she said she'd bring a few things up to them for us....mostly heirlooms and such...and there's a lot of French swearing right now, I better go see what happened....Later Teteo!
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Well kind of, I was in the middle of all that by then, the "natural" changes started happening for me when I was 8, its genetic for both men and women in my family, so nothing unusual there....for us at least....
Alright. So do you know what could have brought on the sudden change?
Or heroin apparently...I was more addicted to the shifting under heroin influence than the actual thing, which did next to nothing for me...and the fact that I had no control over what I did after I shifted when high...my wolf side COMPLETELY took over...I must have cheated on her at least 40 times, and now we still together, and are expecting our first child, and are planning marriage... now tell me that ain't true love...<3
That sounds wonderful, Arctic. She's a strong Woman!
It still feels awesome, liberating and intoxicating everything I shift, it never gets old. I trust u now T, so I ain't even gonna lie to you; sometimes when I shift its a borderline sexual experience as I shift, sorry if I'm being too perverted by saying that, but its true, I said I wasn't gonna lie and I didn't... I am actually happier as a wolf than as a person a lot of times...I'm so much freer and able to be the true me :)
You're fine, no worries. You're not coming onto me or any other member, you're telling how it feels. Quite on topic.
I can't personally understand the emotional and physical impact of a shift, it was one reason I was willing to start the thread...
I do understand the exhilaration when doing anything Spiritual though.
Pleasure to be first poster again, I always post first on all your threads LOL And I got your message and my FB is blocked for some reason, so it will have to wait...I'll friend you as soon as I can :)
My Facebook is set up for all sorts of "hiding", because of certain folks. I never use to be so private about it all. PM me yours, and I'll send you the request. ^.^
Oh and 'Manda asked me to say Hi earlier, she's the vamp friend I spoke earlier about..
Tell her, "Hello" then. :-)
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Here is something I originally wrote about myself for another site. :) More later..
First things first. While I've wanted to do an in depth write up on the subject for some time, I tend to have a difficult time expressing how I feel in regards to my personal therianthropy in words. It's something that just *is*. Whenever I do attempt to write about it, the words just seem to not do the feelings any justice. I've decided to just "let go" and start writing anyway. I apologize ahead of time if something doesn't make sense, is unclear, or disjointed.
There is a part of me that is wolf, and as long as I remember has always been. Though it was around the age of eleven along with puberty that it started making itself a much more forcefully known. Yes, I know rational thought says this is absurd. However in my thirty years of life I've come to accept that not everything in life has to have a clear explanation or make logical sense. Sometimes, one must go with what they feel. It's the part of me that feels most alive outdoors in the wild. Running, sniffing, listening, singing. Whenever I fully "let go," and allow that side to fully take the reins, I no longer perceive myself as human. The best way to describe it to people is that it's like an altered state of consciousness. There are no words, and the thoughts don't translate very well. Time seems to pass differently in this state. The world explodes in scents and sounds, but my normally perfect vision seems to diminish. From my point of view, my body seems much different, furry, quadrupedal and all (though I'm pretty sure if someone saw me, I'd just be a "crazy naked lady" :P). While I always feel some "phantom parts," in this mental state it's even more amplified. This is what is generally termed as a mental shift, or "m-shift." Though in my personal wittings I've always just referred to it as "letting go." While that side of me is always there, beneath the surface, I can only fully let go "all the way" out in nature.
Of course there's much, much, much more to that side of me than just letting go. It also melds in well with everyday life. I enjoy teamwork and fitting into a hierarchy. This seems to help out in the workplace. I feel a sense of "pack" with certain groups of people. Then again humans are also social creatures, so in some cases like this it can become nearly impossible to tell where the human ends and the wolf begins so to speak. There's so many other "things" about that part of myself, but I think for now I'll just leave it at that.
And while the wolf is a major part of me, it is not all of me. I embrace, accept, and enjoy my humanity as well. Some days I feel more wolf than human, other days I feel more human than wolf, and yet on others I feel evenly balanced, like a hybrid of sorts. It changes in cycles it sometimes seems. Though even when I'm feeling my most human, the feeling of having a tail never quite goes away. Wolf is still there, beneath the surface.
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And while the wolf is a major part of me, it is not all of me. I embrace, accept, and enjoy my humanity as well.
And in these words lies entire wisdom ;)
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I have a vivid imagination, and I'm sure that's all this was. But I still thought it would be nice to share.
As I was reading your post, I started to feel like I was somewhere else. I was reading the words, but watching a movie? Maybe it's because of how tired I am...
I was in the woods, out behind where I use to live running with my "boys".
Suddenly they both speed up. I think they caught a scent, and want to chase it, so I match pace with them.
I can't describe the sensation. It was like a huge tingle, like I was getting ready to fall into a seizure, but a "Nice" one. I was a wolf, and I was running with them. Hell, I looked like their Mommy.
I woke up in the Kitchen, which is about 30 feet away, in front of the stove stirring noodles... like I'd done all I needed to do, on Auto Pilot.
Spiffy, yeah?
A Little bit of explanation:
I use to have two Wolf-Husky hybrids and we use to go running every day. They were always wonderful companions, never had to leash them. Raising them in a Pack structure from pups helped out a great deal... I was their Dominant.
I did the Adopt A Wolf / Sponsorship program when I was a kid ( still have a picture of her somewhere ), She got out and Mated with a Male Husky, had a beautiful litter including my two boys. Due to Money and something else involving Reserve rules, they put the pups up for actual adoption.
In my dream, or vision or whatever this was, keeping up with the two at full pace through the tangled trees and whatnot wasn't a problem. In reality, I probably would have face planted a few times! :lol:
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Or! You're a shifter like the rest of us. You know us locals have always felt you are.
I'll post my story later.
Congrats Arctic on your baby.
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Azzy you already know my thoughts on that, but since you broached it in public...
If one were to follow my beliefs and things that I have been taught or told... then even if I was never a Therianthrope before, just harnessing/embracing the energy of an animal, I could become one.
But that's almost a different topic, so we'll leave it there.
"Thoughts don't translate very well. Time seems to pass differently in this state. The world explodes in scents and sounds, but my normally perfect vision seems to diminish."
I LOVE hearing about things like this.
"The feeling of having a tail never quite goes away. Wolf is still there, beneath the surface."
So you have a constant reminder of what you are? Is it ever distracting? I know you explained that it seems to have helped you in some situations, but what about hindering? Does the Wolf aspect ever interfere with a task at hand?
Arctic is this similar to what you feel?
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@T and 5arah
I feel like that too (and the phantom tail, fur and ears never go away either), the wolf is always there underneath, its in fact a part of you...
After I shift, I'm not a person, I only wolf....Time? What is time when I'm a wolf except the difference between light and dark, not 6pm or 7:45am. I don't think in words, even knowing three languages as a human...I think in pictures, events and instinct. I can smell and hear really well in human-form, but its amplified so much, I can smell things miles away as a wolf...I love being a wolf more than a person, I feel like a transgendered person, born into the wrong species, instead of the wrong gender. I should have been a full-wolf...
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T. thank you for starting this! I'm assuming Otherkin as well as therian is welcomed? I'm not a therian but I am part fae. If it's ok, I'll post the rest of the story.
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Of course, Countess!
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When I was younger, it was often distracting and interfering. Somehow, over the past decade, it's no longer an issue. I think maybe giving the wolf its own time and space has helped.
Hehe, or at least not an issue while sober. ;)
Great hearing all of your own stories/thoughts!
And I'd love to raise pups someday, if I ever live somewhere with enough space for them.
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I dont consider myself a therion. There are two resons for that. The first and formost is I simply do not like labels. The second is it dosnt describe everything I am, and if I am to take a label, it should fit me well. If I told all there was to tell about myself in regards to this subject many of you would say that I am a therion. That is an opinion you will not yet be able to make as I am not willing to tell you .....yet.
I do have two totems. Ive known about the wolf as far back as I can remember and gained an understanding of it and how to use it to my advantage from my Grandfather who was Cherokee. The crow hid in the shadows for quiet some time. It waited untill the wolf was under control to spread its blackend wings and fly. There is more to a totem than the spirit of one animal. They are on a level higher than a spirit, somewhere in the realm of angels and demons. But any are free to believe them to be what they wish.
There are other labels I could wear if I chose. Some of you probably know what some of them are, others Im sure will find out eventually.
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@Ravin - Your grandfather's cherokee? That got me thinking...Do you think the chances of having lycanthrophy/therianthrophy could have something to do with indigenous blood...My grandmother was a Sámi woman from Sweden, an indigenous arctic people of Europe...your reply just got me wondering...
For those that are interested - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sami_people (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sami_people)
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"the difference between light and dark, not 6pm or 7:45am. I think in pictures, events and instinct"
This has been described to me by many Therian and Otherkin types, as well as people with varying forms of psychic talent.
I have always personally thought this is directly because the Spirit and the Mind connect directly with Nature and the Energy surrounding it.
Because of this, Time ( especially as it is now ) is almost irrelevant, and completely foreign; all that matters is Here and Now.
Also, "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words"... Our brains don't process the Word until after the Scene and Senses have played their Role.
Have I got it?
"Hehe, or at least not an issue while sober"
So being under the influence won't just alter your perception on things, but may affect your ability to Control your "Other"
( Ooh, Arctic responded before I could post, haha! )
"It's hard enough to control yourself as a were SOBER, drunk and/or high just doesn't help things one bit!!"
Drugs and Alcohol alter your Mind and Body, but I understand people in general work differently in any given situation or subject, so the questions I ask may sound silly...
I'm just trying to have Clarity, for Newcomers and people that enjoy hearing and understanding Others' views on things.
How badly does your control slip, and how hard is it to regain control once you've lost it?
"And I'd love to raise pups someday, if I ever live somewhere with enough space for them."
Pups as in, like YappityYappers or as in "Crib Midgets" ?? :wink:
"The second is it dosnt describe everything I am, and if I am to take a label, it should fit me well"
Definitely understandable.
I dislike words ( especially nouns )...
Daily Layman's and Generalization Terms because I apparently lack the ability to aptly put into words what's in my head. :laugh:
"It waited untill the wolf was under control to spread its blackend wings and fly"
Don't suppose you'd be willing to share what your first experience was like with the Crow?
"gained an understanding of it and how to use it to my advantage"
Naughty wording.
Thanks for Sharing Ravin. Feel free to elaborate, but I understand if you'd rather not.
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This has been described to me by many Therian and Otherkin types, as well as people with varying forms of psychic talent.
I have always personally thought this is directly because the Spirit and the Mind connect directly with Nature and the Energy surrounding it.
Because of this, Time ( especially as it is now ) is almost irrelevant, and completely foreign; all that matters is Here and Now.
Also, "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words"... Our brains don't process the Word until after the Scene and Senses have played their Role.
Have I got it?
Mostly. When I'm a wolf, it is all about there "here and now", wolves naturally don't think in terms of time, the only way I notice it is the changing of the light as the sun or moon moves across the sky, varying patterns of light...I'm so connected to nature in wolf-form...I am more a part of nature as a wolf than as a person...
I explain how I think as a wolf as "When was the last time you heard a wolf speak English or French, then how can you expect one to think in English or French!" Sometimes, I'm so in-tune with the natural energy around me, I barely need to think at all, I run on instinct then, you know....
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"My wolf took over so bad, I was nothing but instinct, a were's instinct...the rage, the "drives", hunting-instincts etc. totally took over"
I know drugs can be used to help people experience the paranormal... and the idea I guess is because the chemical change strips the subconscious boundary/blindfold we have placed on ourselves by doubt and fear.
But when your conscious mind is altered that way, when something is changing your perception on reality, this strips that bit of our mind that retains our humanity...
Am I with you so far?
"typical addict cycle"
Very much so.
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Well, since Ravin posted being neither Therian or Were, then I guess I'll share a bit. First off, human. Period. Second, I find myself able to tap in to my instincts pretty well. It's looks pretty cool the way one sees things when tapping into instincts, not only having enhanced senses, but also being able to see the energy given off by nature itself. Still haven't learned much on how seeing nature's energy can help me, but working on it. And no one suggest anything, I'd rather find it my own way. Thirdly, and this may sound a bit ridiculous, but it seems that something is watching out for me. No, not like a guardian angel, that would be lame. :-P It's something else, something I've never felt before, and it only reveals itself when necessary. Again, not a guardian angel, trust me on this. I like it though, because instead of helping me the way most guardians I've known help people, this one actually gives me the knowledge to know how to help myself out of the given situation. I guess that doesn't really have to do with any of the other things posted here, but oh well, felt like posting and this is all I'm willing to part with.
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But... but... I have questions! That would make your post Totally relevant. :wink:
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I wasn't trying to say you were using it to help something... I meant how people use Salvia in Parapsychology experiments, or how throughout history and different cultures Peyote and Cannabis get used for Spiritual & Religious purposes...
Hmm, lemme try a reword on the other post:
If someone were to want to experience things they can't normally bring themselves to believe in/fully see, they use a mind altering chemical... But for someone with an animal half, it could mean that you lose "control" or lose who You are..
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@Arctic:
Heroin is the worst possible drug, specially for a were of any sort. I can understand your excitement about it, but it wouldnt be wise to promote this for young shifters out there. See, this sort of posts really miss Old Bill.
Im sure your intention wasnt to promote it, but trust me, this sort of talk is a talk of an ex addict. You still talk about it with that set of mind.
I meant how people use Salvia in Parapsychology experiments, or how throughout history and different cultures Peyote and Cannabis get used for Spiritual & Religious purposes...
Exactly. There are drugs and then there are drugs. Some are created to create zombies (like H) while others open parts of brain that is locked for most of the people. At this point, and this said, please continue this topic without talking about heroin.
Thank you.
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@Arctic:
Heroin is the worst possible drug, specially for a were of any sort. I can understand your excitement about it, but it wouldnt be wise to promote this for young shifters out there. See, this sort of posts really miss Old Bill.
Im sure your intention wasnt to promote it, but trust me, this sort of talk is a talk of an ex addict. You still talk about it with that set of mind.
I meant how people use Salvia in Parapsychology experiments, or how throughout history and different cultures Peyote and Cannabis get used for Spiritual & Religious purposes...
Exactly. There are drugs and then there are drugs. Some are created to create zombies (like H) while others open parts of brain that is locked for most of the people. At this point, and this said, please continue this topic without talking about heroin.
Thank you.
Nina, I never meant for anyone to think that... I was trying to DISCOURAGE people (young weres in particular) from doing what I did, so they wouldn't have to make the same mistakes I made and I probably botched it really bad...As a friend, I promise I won't talk about it anymore, and I don't make promises lightly...
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Np, I just feel that this topic deserves other way of discussion. You will see what I mean in my pm, we can continue there about it. Young ones, and we all know how that is cause once we were all young, wont hear you saying dont do it, thats bad, if we describe the high so vividly. I hope you understand my thought.
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Np, I just feel that this topic deserves other way of discussion. You will see what I mean in my pm, we can continue there about it. Young ones, and we all know how that is cause once we were all young, wont hear you saying dont do it, thats bad, if we describe the high so vividly. I hope you understand my thought.
Yep, I totally get it now...You have me so worried now, about being a father and all...pm me and I'll tell you why....should we go back and censor all that or not???? I don't want to be the cause of anybody going through that!!!
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First thing's first:
I feel some responsibility regarding this, so here is a Public post in response to it and part of Arctic's PM:
I Apologize to Nina, Arctic and to the other members ( current and future ) here as well. I believe my tolerance is much higher for topics than others because I didn't see this as an issue yet, but as Moderator I should have taken the subject into consideration when it began, rather than giving room for further discussion regarding it..
Next, You can modify your posts if you'd like Arctic, I sure won't mind.
Please check your PMs if you haven't already. :-)
At any rate, back to topic.
I chatting with a friend, and he asked me to copy and paste his messages for this topic:
"Greetings Kin, for now if you don't mind I will email or message your friend any thoughts I would like to share until I become more comfortable with the idea of joining a Community. Yes, I understand there is a form of privacy on the Internet, but for me there isn't nearly enough to ease the fear I have in my belly of being outed. Browsing through the site, "Awakening" naturally caught my attention as it is posted at the top, and title is a word of great importance to me. I am making my story public because she already knows how I feel, and I am proud of her for taking on the task of Moderating a Forum. Her strength gives me some. I feel that through her I won't be judged. It's a phobia, one that most of you might not understand. For years, at least 17 of them, I had visited doctor, after psychologist and therapist, psychiatrist. I had myself placed into the care of an asylum of sorts as well. It wasn't until about 6 years ago, that I was put into contact with someone that helped me understand what was going on. For this, I will be eternally grateful. She is my guide, and she understands things better than even she gives herself credit for at times. Especially when it comes to "The Animal Within". Thank you Teo, my sister.
I couldn't explain it. I still can't.
Small. I was so small. Insignificant. Worthless. Pathetic. My gut burned at the thoughts, my eyes burned. I felt I had to burst my skin and fly; run and never stop. It won't stop. My childhood is a blur, I remember a few things here or there. Memories I have chosen to cling to; memories I'm not sure even exist. I developed a manic schizophrenia as a result of trauma. According to the newspapers my supposed family would bring me, I was 8 when I watched my parents and baby sister burn. I survived, because I was thrown 3 stories down. It took minutes for the horrible things my father did to destroy lives. I won't say what. Not where everyone can read.
I lived in state custody for 10 years after the hospital. I didn't want to be adopted. I was comfortable in the shelters. I was comfortable being watched over constantly. I was safe. Physically at least. They wouldn't let me hurt myself, and they wouldn't let me hurt anyone else.
I wanted to. This boy infuriated me from the moment he joined the shelter. How dare he? Who was he? He wasn't allowed to breathe here, this was MY home. MY REFUGE. And he was an INTRUDER. I lunged at him, forcing an imprint of his head through the drywall as my hands closed tight around his throat.
That was the first time. It happened many times after that. I would hear a whisper. Who was it? Who said that? Did you speak to me? Louder. A command, a plea. Find me. Find me, but I am me. Set me free. I don't want to be free. I'm scared. I hid. The voice would be angry some days. It would feel like my skin was on fire, but my blood was frozen. I was imagining it.
No I'm NOT CRAZY. What is this? This isn't normal? What's wrong with me.
It's chaotic isn't it? Really does sound like I was crazy. I spent 13 years after that hearing nothing around me properly. Seeing everything like I was in a dream. Since I am spilling all, sometimes I still question everything. What is real, what isn't? There was a girl that visited the asylum often. Sometimes she would follow the doctors into patients' rooms with a clipboard and pen. It took an eternity to get close enough to get her attention. I waited for her one day. She walked by, and I reached out. I'm not allowed to touch, and she saw me before I could. Started to back away but didn't. She knew. She was my answer. I HAVE to talk to her. Is she real?
The first undeniably real conversation I remember having was with her. She, my sister asked me, "What are you? I can feel you in my head like a bee." I didn't know. But Sister found out. She spent her days helping me. Talking to me. Offering fresh views my doctor could not provide. They weren't going to let her continue to see me, because she sounded like she belong in the room next to me sometimes. They let her stay! She says, "Your body was reacting properly to the medicine, finally. You're becoming more coherent, and seem to have a better grasp on reality. I must have done something right." She was always so proud of that. But I think Sister manipulated the silly psycho doctor's mind.
There is my back story. As much of it as I am willing to share. Of course, some of it must be shared if anyone is to understand why my story is so unique. I am a well known name where I am from but the Media has painted a really nasty picture of me. I want the truth out there before I let on anything else.
We went to a beautiful place. Water all around us. A huge flat rock by waterfalls and trees. She taught me how to meditate. Meditate to music, meditate to silence, meditate to my pulse, to the birds, to the water, to the feel of the rock. She taught me how to feel myself and everything around me. Feel my energy, feel my chakras. Feel every thing I am. My cells. My soul. Her soul. I know all her secrets. She knows all mine. But this wasn't deep enough for us. We did not have an answer. Our friend came then, rest in peace Brother. They always felt like the same person to me. I understand it now, but not then. It scared me, but she was there.
We meditated again. I fail for words here. I could describe the sensation as a link. Mayhaps a sharing. We three linked, as if we were one soul with separate thoughts. I could hear their thoughts. Brother pushed me. Sister guided. Together we found me. Small. Lonely. Lost. Insignificant. I was drowning. Sister took my hand, Brother placed his on my shoulder. I reached into the water. So COLD! I grabbed my hand and pulled. We fell. My Wolf and I. We locked eyes. I'm warm now. So warm. Hot. HOT. FIRE! RUN! I ran. I ran until I cooled. I ran until I was tired, and then I ran some more. Free! I was free! I could feel everything, I could see everything. Not the leaf, but the billions of eukaryotic cells. Not the ground, but the worms and potato bugs beneath. I could hear the birds, I could feel the birds! I could run faster than they can fly!
I Awoke crying. I had fallen into my Brother's and Sister's arms. They were crying, too. We were happy.
It has been 6 years since that day, and every morning is different. Every morning is new. Fresh. Wonderful, wild.
There is my story."
I hope it's needless to say, I have been crying again... and I hope that this has given everyone something. Hope? Haha, I don't know.
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First thing's first:
I feel some responsibility regarding this, so here is a Public post in response to it and part of Arctic's PM:
I Apologize to Nina, Arctic and to the other members ( current and future ) here as well. I believe my tolerance is much higher for topics than others because I didn't see this as an issue yet, but as Moderator I should have taken the subject into consideration when it began, rather than giving room for further discussion regarding it..
Next, You can modify your posts if you'd like Arctic, I sure won't mind.
Please check your PMs if you haven't already. :-)
At any rate, back to topic.
I chatting with a friend, and he asked me to copy and paste his messages for this topic:
"Greetings Kin, for now if you don't mind I will email or message your friend any thoughts I would like to share until I become more comfortable with the idea of joining a Community. Yes, I understand there is a form of privacy on the Internet, but for me there isn't nearly enough to ease the fear I have in my belly of being outed. Browsing through the site, "Awakening" naturally caught my attention as it is posted at the top, and title is a word of great importance to me. I am making my story public because she already knows how I feel, and I am proud of her for taking on the task of Moderating a Forum. Her strength gives me some. I feel that through her I won't be judged. It's a phobia, one that most of you might not understand. For years, at least 17 of them, I had visited doctor, after psychologist and therapist, psychiatrist. I had myself placed into the care of an asylum of sorts as well. It wasn't until about 6 years ago, that I was put into contact with someone that helped me understand what was going on. For this, I will be eternally grateful. She is my guide, and she understands things better than even she gives herself credit for at times. Especially when it comes to "The Animal Within". Thank you Teo, my sister.
I couldn't explain it. I still can't.
Small. I was so small. Insignificant. Worthless. Pathetic. My gut burned at the thoughts, my eyes burned. I felt I had to burst my skin and fly; run and never stop. It won't stop. My childhood is a blur, I remember a few things here or there. Memories I have chosen to cling to; memories I'm not sure even exist. I developed a manic schizophrenia as a result of trauma. According to the newspapers my supposed family would bring me, I was 8 when I watched my parents and baby sister burn. I survived, because I was thrown 3 stories down. It took minutes for the horrible things my father did to destroy lives. I won't say what. Not where everyone can read.
I lived in state custody for 10 years after the hospital. I didn't want to be adopted. I was comfortable in the shelters. I was comfortable being watched over constantly. I was safe. Physically at least. They wouldn't let me hurt myself, and they wouldn't let me hurt anyone else.
I wanted to. This boy infuriated me from the moment he joined the shelter. How dare he? Who was he? He wasn't allowed to breathe here, this was MY home. MY REFUGE. And he was an INTRUDER. I lunged at him, forcing an imprint of his head through the drywall as my hands closed tight around his throat.
That was the first time. It happened many times after that. I would hear a whisper. Who was it? Who said that? Did you speak to me? Louder. A command, a plea. Find me. Find me, but I am me. Set me free. I don't want to be free. I'm scared. I hid. The voice would be angry some days. It would feel like my skin was on fire, but my blood was frozen. I was imagining it.
No I'm NOT CRAZY. What is this? This isn't normal? What's wrong with me.
It's chaotic isn't it? Really does sound like I was crazy. I spent 13 years after that hearing nothing around me properly. Seeing everything like I was in a dream. Since I am spilling all, sometimes I still question everything. What is real, what isn't? There was a girl that visited the asylum often. Sometimes she would follow the doctors into patients' rooms with a clipboard and pen. It took an eternity to get close enough to get her attention. I waited for her one day. She walked by, and I reached out. I'm not allowed to touch, and she saw me before I could. Started to back away but didn't. She knew. She was my answer. I HAVE to talk to her. Is she real?
The first undeniably real conversation I remember having was with her. She, my sister asked me, "What are you? I can feel you in my head like a bee." I didn't know. But Sister found out. She spent her days helping me. Talking to me. Offering fresh views my doctor could not provide. They weren't going to let her continue to see me, because she sounded like she belong in the room next to me sometimes. They let her stay! She says, "Your body was reacting properly to the medicine, finally. You're becoming more coherent, and seem to have a better grasp on reality. I must have done something right." She was always so proud of that. But I think Sister manipulated the silly psycho doctor's mind.
There is my back story. As much of it as I am willing to share. Of course, some of it must be shared if anyone is to understand why my story is so unique. I am a well known name where I am from but the Media has painted a really nasty picture of me. I want the truth out there before I let on anything else.
We went to a beautiful place. Water all around us. A huge flat rock by waterfalls and trees. She taught me how to meditate. Meditate to music, meditate to silence, meditate to my pulse, to the birds, to the water, to the feel of the rock. She taught me how to feel myself and everything around me. Feel my energy, feel my chakras. Feel every thing I am. My cells. My soul. Her soul. I know all her secrets. She knows all mine. But this wasn't deep enough for us. We did not have an answer. Our friend came then, rest in peace Brother. They always felt like the same person to me. I understand it now, but not then. It scared me, but she was there.
We meditated again. I fail for words here. I could describe the sensation as a link. Mayhaps a sharing. We three linked, as if we were one soul with separate thoughts. I could hear their thoughts. Brother pushed me. Sister guided. Together we found me. Small. Lonely. Lost. Insignificant. I was drowning. Sister took my hand, Brother placed his on my shoulder. I reached into the water. So COLD! I grabbed my hand and pulled. We fell. My Wolf and I. We locked eyes. I'm warm now. So warm. Hot. HOT. FIRE! RUN! I ran. I ran until I cooled. I ran until I was tired, and then I ran some more. Free! I was free! I could feel everything, I could see everything. Not the leaf, but the billions of eukaryotic cells. Not the ground, but the worms and potato bugs beneath. I could hear the birds, I could feel the birds! I could run faster than they can fly!
I Awoke crying. I had fallen into my Brother's and Sister's arms. They were crying, too. We were happy.
It has been 6 years since that day, and every morning is different. Every morning is new. Fresh. Wonderful, wild.
There is my story."
I hope it's needless to say, I have been crying again... and I hope that this has given everyone something. Hope? Haha, I don't know.
T, my goodness.....I don't think I've read anything as profound as that in a long time...now I'm almost crying and I don't cry often...would you like me to buy protection candles for you and him too...I'm buying some for me and Nina already tomorrow, PM me for more details...
Oh, and I modified the posts of mine too, there's still traces of them in people's quotes on me, but since I'm not a mod, I'll just leave others posts alone....
Blessed Be, Teteo and her friend...Blessed Be
Arctic
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@Ravin - Your grandfather's cherokee? That got me thinking...Do you think the chances of having lycanthrophy/therianthrophy could have something to do with indigenous blood...My grandmother was a Sámi woman from Sweden, an indigenous arctic people of Europe...your reply just got me wondering...
I think its more common among them. Belief in totems is world wide in indigenous cultures and excepted. Its thought of as somewhat taboo in the main stream world, but it has become much more common everywhere in the last few years.
"gained an understanding of it and how to use it to my advantage"
Naughty wording.
What can I say, Im a naughty boy :-D
"
"The second is it dosnt describe everything I am, and if I am to take a label, it should fit me well"
Definitely understandable.
I dislike words ( especially nouns )...
Daily Layman's and Generalization Terms because I apparently lack the ability to aptly put into words what's in my head. :laugh:
I hope I wasnt misunderstood. Im not looking down on others who describe themself in this way, its just not quiet me. But I can relate to it better than most who are not therian.
"It waited untill the wolf was under control to spread its blackend wings and fly"
Don't suppose you'd be willing to share what your first experience was like with the Crow?
I will say this much for now. The wolf is chaos, loyalty, and power. Along with it comes anger and arrogance. It is not bad or evil in any way, nor is it good. It simply is. That is not the most compleate of sumaries but accurate as far as it goes. The crow is order and knowledge. But like the wolf it is neither good nor evil. Together they work quiet well.
Balance and s**t :-D
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"Im not looking down on others who describe themself in this way"
I didn't take it that way, no worries. When I explained I dislike Words -and why - I was stating I understand why MANY people won't pick a Label or a Term to explain or describe things. We can try, but sometimes it just doesn't work. It's just not... IT.
"I don't think I've read anything as profound as that in a long time"
The experience I got to share with my friend, was an amazing one. The rest of it, was his journey to make alone. It doesn't surprise me this is the thread that caught his attention, it was named with his story in mind.
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I almost forgot to mention, tell your friend if he decides to join our comunity no one here will judge him. People who go through things like that often think no one will understand. For the most part its true but we arent the common rable one is likley to run into on the street.
Besides that were all weird as hell anyway, hes gonna fit right in, assuming my warped sence of humor dosnt bother him too much.
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Explaining to him that he would be accepted without a problem, is like explaining to an Arachnophobe that the spider won't bite.
He has Anthropophobia/Sociophobia ( people, societies ) and generally speaking, anything that involves the more negative side of it. ( Being laughed at, ridiculed, criticized... )
What it is, I believe is an underlying fear of being insane. His whole life has been turmoil, and struggling with reality, so I can understand.
It's like, well.. coaxing a beaten dog out of hiding, so it will come out and get petted. It just knows to fear what has brought bad experience.
I'm alright with playing Interpreter, if everyone else is alright with it as well.
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So being under the influence won't just alter your perception on things, but may affect your ability to Control your "Other"
Pups as in, like YappityYappers or as in "Crib Midgets" ?? :wink:
I mean YappityYappers ;)
And alcohol does affect my ability to control. It's more like....my inhibitions are down, so I'm more likely to strike up a random conversation at some times, or howl and chase after things in other times.
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Hehe, okies.
That makes sense. Alcohol lowers alot of peoples' inhibitions. :evil:
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*waves back at 5arah and T*
It sure does :roll:
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So being under the influence won't just alter your perception on things, but may affect your ability to Control your "Other"
Pups as in, like YappityYappers or as in "Crib Midgets" ?? :wink:
I mean YappityYappers ;)
And alcohol does affect my ability to control. It's more like....my inhibitions are down, so I'm more likely to strike up a random conversation at some times, or howl and chase after things in other times.
Waves back at Nina, T and 5arah...Not only does it, it's worse for Were's like me and 5arah than normal people, I'd wager a good 60 to 75% worse...I'll shuddup now, I promised Nina and T ^^
Too Bad...YappityYappers aren't bad either, I have two Huskie-Wolf Hybrid myself (40/60, more wolf than dog mind :-D), but it seems (or is it me) that a lot of the Monstrous community is having a lot of Crib Midgets themselves...Me, T, a few others I can't remember...We were up on and off from 10pm to 2am last night with "Morning Sickness", I thought we might have had to go to the hospital...but we were fine after awhile...
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Phew, finally able to post, been out of the country for 10 days. I've actually always known I was fey. My mother knew it the moment she saw me. My eyes change color depending on my mood the the extreme that my beau & friends know if my eyes get yellow it is time to leave the building. I have an uncanny ability with animals. The first time we visited Ireland we stayed at a small B&B & noticed everyone in town treated me with extreme care, even more so than my sister. When my parents asked about it, the inn owner said it was because they knew I was fae & didn't want to offend the town's population.
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Phew, finally able to post, been out of the country for 10 days. I've actually always known I was fey. My mother knew it the moment she saw me. My eyes change color depending on my mood the the extreme that my beau & friends know if my eyes get yellow it is time to leave the building. I have an uncanny ability with animals. The first time we visited Ireland we stayed at a small B&B & noticed everyone in town treated me with extreme care, even more so than my sister. When my parents asked about it, the inn owner said it was because they knew I was fae & didn't want to offend the town's population.
Cool Countess, I've never met a Fey, but they sound pretty awesome from what I know!
My Grandma didn't say anything, but from when I was born, she told me I had my Great-Grandfathers eyes...she could see the wolf in my eyes. There was a Sami word for people like that, but I've resigned myself to the fact that I remember none of that language or the little Swedish I used to know :-(
Even Lex says she can see a "glimmer" in my eyes sometimes, like when I'm really pissed off or happen to see a really pretty girl (which is a lot of times her, esp. in that teal suit she wore today!), she says it's "the wolf in my eyes"...I guess that's something I just can't control!
My eyes change color depending on my mood the the extreme that my beau & friends know if my eyes get yellow it is time to leave the building.
LOL, everyone knows when my eyes narrow, get glazed over and look greener than usual, inner wolf is PISSED OFF! Then the growling deep in my throat starts = Time to leave him alone... :-P
the inn owner said it was because they knew I was fae & didn't want to offend the town's population.
I drove through western South Dakota and was treated as an honored guest on some reservation like that, that tribe had some legend about people that were half-man and half-wolf being sacred, that was cool, I don't know how they knew though, its not like I told them or anything, they just knew! :roll:
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"Phew, finally able to post, been out of the country for 10 days."
Ooooh, Where did you go?
"The first time we visited Ireland we stayed at a small B&B & noticed everyone in town treated me with extreme care, even more so than my sister."
I wouldn't say I get treated with care, but definitely Respect.
Sometimes as much - maybe even more, depending on who you ask - respect as City Officials...
There are some people out there that absolutely hate me, of course. *shrug* What can ya do?
Not everyone likes the same color, or drink. :lol:
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It shouldn't be too hard to understand how they knew Arctic. Some can see the kind of person you are simply by looking at you, whether it be moral standing or just what makes you 'special' so to speak. It's kind of like how some people meet me for the first time and, just by looking at me, know I'm a friendly person. But also, yeah, the whole don't push me thing.
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It shouldn't be too hard to understand how they knew Arctic. Some can see the kind of person you are simply by looking at you, whether it be moral standing or just what makes you 'special' so to speak. It's kind of like how some people meet me for the first time and, just by looking at me, know I'm a friendly person. But also, yeah, the whole don't push me thing.
I was with my smaller cousins (4 - 8 years old) and I try not to let the wolf show to them TOO much...but when people look into my eyes, they're apparently "wolf eyes"...you can see through my eyes to the wolf underneath...I think that is how they knew, I could put on so many airs and put up as many facades as I want, my eyes are a dead give me away apparently! (I got Lex to tell this to me last night, BTW!)
They made it a point to introduce me to ALL of the reservations children as well...one of the most freaking odd experiences in my life actually! Nice, but odd! :roll:
I wish I remembered the name of the darn place! I'll have to find a map...apparently they have some kind of legend about "wolf-men" or something being sacred or revered...*confused wolf*
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This post is being modified by moderator request/demand.
I believe that some of the people that respect you, may do so out of fear.
There are some of us in the world that dislike you because of a difference in opinion.
To make this post a little more on topic, my "awakening" happened when I was young. Went hunting, and came face to face with a spirit. It wasn't suppose to be there, I knew it. My beast knew it, too and proceeded to take over my mind and body. I woke up next to a stream, with my brother and grandfather yelling at and shaking me.
When I get to a computer, I will try to go into detail.
Also I feel it would be good to let everyone that has read this know I'm sorry.
I am an asshole, no qualms denying that. But outright disrespect to someone that as well liked as this mod, and full on unrelated posts arent really my style. I had a failure with my personal and nonforum related issues and took it out on the most convenient targwt. I understand it is no excuse, so I will leave it at that, but I wanted it clear I am sincere with my apology.
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[ First half of post has been deleted. It's not necessary to have up here anymore. ]
And please note, I do apologize for this drama. For both Azurahn's Nastiness, and my Inability to keep my Responding Comments to myself. It does seem a bit hypocritical, yes?
I do hope, that new members will pay attention to the things I will be listing here... because this stuff does not apply to just one person, but to all people on this site.
Azurahn:
Your statements have absolutely nothing to do with the topic...
Your statements are also an attack, a blatant form of Trolling...
Your statements are a blatant form of Trolling, of a Moderator of this site.
You have provided nothing useful to this Forum.
You have been Warned before about your attitude regarding posts.
Because of these things, I STRONGLY advise, that you not only Modify your post, but also Check over this Board: http://www.monstrous.com/forum/index.php?board=55.0 (http://www.monstrous.com/forum/index.php?board=55.0) and Pay close Attention to this Topic in Particular: http://www.monstrous.com/forum/index.php?topic=7090.0 (http://www.monstrous.com/forum/index.php?topic=7090.0)
This is your last chance, after this I will not Step In on your behalf as I have done this time.
You will be Banned.
I do hope I have made myself clear on this, and if I have not, please feel free to PM either myself or Nina regarding this situation.
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<------ signed ;)
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Well, I do believe that Native American tribes have always held respect for those more in touch with the 'spiritual', and the wolf is seen as sacred in quite a few tribes, so I can imagine there would be some that see a were as sacred. Plus, you know, the whole 'eyes are a window to the soul' or something like that, it wasn't complete bs.
Modify Stupid typo (so bad it was a whole nother word lol), brain half off.
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Well, I do believe that Native American tribes have always held respect for those more in touch with the 'spiritual', and the wolf is seen as sacred in quite a few tribes, so I can imagine there would be some that see a were as sacred. Plus, you know, the whole 'eyes are a window to the would' or something like that, it wasn't complete bs.
It's "the eyes are a window unto the soul" but I can't remember who wrote that, or more likely it was a movie :wink:
It was one of the most bizarre and fun experiences ever...they saw the wolf as sacred, and wolf-men were too, by extension...they were they way the "wolf-spirit" communicated with the human world apparently...never saw myself that way, but I went with it, why be a buzz-kill :-P I tried to buy a small pelt of wolf fur from their store, nope! Wouldn't accept my credit card, nor my cash! They gave it too me as a gift!
It could also have been my ears that gave me away too, as I did have some modification done to them, they look *pretty* wolf-like ($800 later, 3 months recovery and one infection later :roll:)
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All this talk on eyes and stuff, I'll just drop my 2 cents in :>
Growing up I've always had an affinitity with animals- birds, cats, dogs, rodents- you name it. I was always closest with canines, I used to walk woods when I was younger looking for wolves- never found any :C. My parents were too busy fighting, divorcing and then the family split so no one noticed I was " special" in any way other than being a keen listener and being very wise, provinding guidance and comfort- all from the humble age of 6/7 onwards. My ex was actually the one that pointed out how wolfy I was, he said my eyes changed subtley from light brown to yellow on occasion, my agressive, dominant but caring and protective nature. I mean from a young age I knew I had an inner animal and it took me a while to identify with it but once I knew I never looked back, I was a lucid dreamer and it was only when I hit 14 I learn't how to D-shift, which is my most practiced form of shift. My ex never knew of my werewolf side, that part of my life is a very covered up and protected side of me. My first ever M-shift was at work, God that day was mental... it was an involuntary M-shift and it freaked me a little... I think my mood had a serious affect on it and I was in crazy place where my bloodlust was insatiable. I ended up taking a 20 minute break to calm, relax and ground myself. I'm still practicing M-shifts but I find D-shifting easier due to being experianced at lucid dreaming ^_^;. I've researched P-shifts in depth and find it interesting. There are a number of wiccan methods which I might experiment with in the future :3
If you have any questions regarding my D-shifts fire away :3
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Yeah, had a lot of the 'guidance, comfort, and etc' traits since before I could talk. I don't know, always been a fan of combining instinct and logic, and that's what leads me to whatever I am after.
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All this talk on eyes and stuff, I'll just drop my 2 cents in :>
Growing up I've always had an affinitity with animals- birds, cats, dogs, rodents- you name it. I was always closest with canines, I used to walk woods when I was younger looking for wolves- never found any :C. My parents were too busy fighting, divorcing and then the family split so no one noticed I was " special" in any way other than being a keen listener and being very wise, provinding guidance and comfort- all from the humble age of 6/7 onwards. My ex was actually the one that pointed out how wolfy I was, he said my eyes changed subtley from light brown to yellow on occasion, my agressive, dominant but caring and protective nature. I mean from a young age I knew I had an inner animal and it took me a while to identify with it but once I knew I never looked back, I was a lucid dreamer and it was only when I hit 14 I learn't how to D-shift, which is my most practiced form of shift. My ex never knew of my werewolf side, that part of my life is a very covered up and protected side of me. My first ever M-shift was at work, God that day was mental... it was an involuntary M-shift and it freaked me a little... I think my mood had a serious affect on it and I was in crazy place where my bloodlust was insatiable. I ended up taking a 20 minute break to calm, relax and ground myself. I'm still practicing M-shifts but I find D-shifting easier due to being experianced at lucid dreaming ^_^;. I've researched P-shifts in depth and find it interesting. There are a number of wiccan methods which I might experiment with in the future :3
If you have any questions regarding my D-shifts fire away :3
Cool, wondered when we was gonna start talking of shifting 8-)
I "involuntarily" M-shifted at a party when I was 16...when some really "popular" guy attempted to get "too handsy" with Lex...well, I was maybe two minutes away from finishing him off entirely, and it took FIVE other guys to get me off of him and hold me down till I calmed down...The bloodlust (and uncontrollable howling/growling/snarling) is why I shift well away from other people, I have place an hour north of here, utter wilderness, where I like to go, it's beautiful...esp. in the fall! I go there and "let my inner wolf out" at least once a weekend (usu. Saturday afternoon), to keep myself happy and sane...and to keep me from bludgeoning my stupid co-workers within an inch of their life during the week! :-P
Even though I can M-shift pretty well now...I still shift in my dreams a lot, I'm almost never a human in my dream world...I prefer to dream as a wolf I guess, or maybe my wolf is just a dreamer :roll:
Bane and everyone else, I have a question though? I think as Were's, we have all tried P-shifting at least once (Wicca stuff non-withstanding), but every time I do anything, it ends up as a prolonged and very powerful M-shift? Which isn't BAD, but it's not exactly what I wanted...am I doing something wrong? *Wolf sigh and shakes head*
Yeah, had a lot of the 'guidance, comfort, and etc' traits since before I could talk. I don't know, always been a fan of combining instinct and logic, and that's what leads me to whatever I am after.
Logic is for my human-half, but my wolf is instinct and all things I do have traces of both, unless I shut the wolf out ENTIRELY from certain decisions!
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Wow Artic your lil sanctuary sounds lovely! You should host a howl there sometime. I'd love to have a hiding place to go and practice my M-shifting but theres no where private to do it near me. Too many chavs ( thats British for thieving pricks/douches/SOAB's and general thugs). It'd be really nice to have the protection of a pack mate to shift with, I really don't feel very safe where I live ^_^;
I'm surprised its taken so long to get to shifting- I feel some pople view it as taboo or something :S
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Bane and everyone else, I have a question though? I think as Were's, we have all tried P-shifting at least once (Wicca stuff non-withstanding), but every time I do anything, it ends up as a prolonged and very powerful M-shift? Which isn't BAD, but it's not exactly what I wanted...am I doing something wrong? *Wolf sigh and shakes head*
The first answer that comes to mind, and actually the simplest version of any thought following, is you're stuck in a Human Body.
Human genetics, don't at this time, allow for any form of "natural" transformation.
Meaning, sure we can go and have our bodies Medically altered...
But in general, it's just not there yet.
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Wow Artic your lil sanctuary sounds lovely! You should host a howl there sometime. I'd love to have a hiding place to go and practice my M-shifting but theres no where private to do it near me. Too many chavs ( thats British for thieving pricks/douches/SOAB's and general thugs). It'd be really nice to have the protection of a pack mate to shift with, I really don't feel very safe where I live ^_^;
I'm surprised its taken so long to get to shifting- I feel some pople view it as taboo or something :S
I went there Monday when I was having SERIOUS problems with the inner wolf's lust, rage and bloodlust instincts, and was M-shifted from 7am - almost 3pm and well, Wolfie is back to "normal" amount of instincts nows :-P
It also minimizes calls from my annoying as all H3ll upstairs neighbor to security or once the police, something about "wild animals" roaming the complex :roll: I ain't admitin' to nothing 8-) She stopped cuz security just started to laugh at her, cuz of many "false" reports...
We have plenty of chavs (and yes, I know what that means, actually, British TV being so popular here!) of our own! My city isn't "Ghetto", but it's still Ghetto-esque...another reason for being away from others...
I was wondering when we were gonna get to shifting, but I didn't want to be the first to mention it, I wasn't sure how others might take that, I could have de-railed yet another thread...
The first answer that comes to mind, and actually the simplest version of any thought following, is you're stuck in a Human Body.
Human genetics, don't at this time, allow for any form of "natural" transformation.
Meaning, sure we can go and have our bodies Medically altered...
But in general, it's just not there yet.
*Sighs and Whimpers* Wolfie can only dream... :(
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Hahaha oh wow, I could have way too much fun with your neighbour :evil: wild animals? I could be wild >:] do you think she knows it was you? XD
Thankgod for British tv, well the problem with the UK is as nice as it is you always get vermin like chavs everywhere, be it pikeys, chavs or dare I say the bad sort of travellers. However I do know of a location, its the UK's biggest forest and has had multiple sightings of panthers in it- sadly its not very local to me :C best bet is to try exploring and finding my own lil hide away. Should be fun ^_^.
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Hahaha oh wow, I could have way too much fun with your neighbour :evil: wild animals? I could be wild >:] do you think she knows it was you? XD
Thankgod for British tv, well the problem with the UK is as nice as it is you always get vermin like chavs everywhere, be it pikeys, chavs or dare I say the bad sort of travellers. However I do know of a location, its the UK's biggest forest and has had multiple sightings of panthers in it- sadly its not very local to me :C best bet is to try exploring and finding my own lil hide away. Should be fun ^_^.
OMG, she is the absolute WORST neighboor you could possibly imagine! She's nosy, loud, rude and she screams in JAPANESE when she gets mad at her husband at 1 or 2 IN THE MORNING! (how and why he stands it, I haven't the faintest idea :roll:) Well, ability to act wild? That makes two of us :evil: and I think she must have blamed it on my Huskies or something, as the security people showed up at MY door, not hers! Luckily was in human-form by then...and I told them that I didn't hear anything 8-), and LMAO'd with Lex after we shut the door... :-P
Is that place Galloway Forest Park by chance? Up in Scotland, by Dumfries and Lockerbie...I remember that from my Geography class in Junior Year...
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Emoticons need to start working.
Back to Topic, please.
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Emoticons need to start working.
Back to Topic, please.
*Wolfie sighs deeply and shakes head...* Sorry T, me and Bane will move this to FB or PM...me and Bane tend to get off-topic rather easily... :lol:
But were talking of shifting too, isn't that still *somewhat* related to Awakening?
And the emoticons SO need to start working! :-P
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Sorry T ^_^; atleast no one can say you're being slack with your job ;P
More on topic, my friend had the weirdest way of informing me she was a "werewolf" I say that as I don't think she was being genuine. The following, according to her was her awakening :S
She said she dreamed she was taken away by a werewolf who climbed in through her bedroom window, who then taught her how to M-shift. She was then taken back to her home and that was when she woke- claiming to have grotty feet from walking barefoot in the woods XD;
Yeah that was something else.... x_x;
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Sorry T ^_^; atleast no one can say you're being slack with your job ;P
More on topic, my friend had the weirdest way of informing me she was a "werewolf" I say that as I don't think she was being genuine. The following, according to her was her awakening :S
She said she dreamed she was taken away by a werewolf who climbed in through her bedroom window, who then taught her how to M-shift. She was then taken back to her home and that was when she woke- claiming to have grotty feet from walking barefoot in the woods XD;
Yeah that was something else.... x_x;
Wow...never had anything like that happen...though sometimes when I D-shift, I do "sleepwalk" and act out my wolf as I shift in my dreams, that's why we keep the doors and windows locked at night...we don't want a repeat of what happened in '09 *embarrased wolf*
Doors locked is probably a good idea where I live anyway :back 2 topic:
I used to dream there was a wolf, and he killed all of my family (all ten people in my house, can we say gore-fest) and when I was 13...I Dream-shifted, and well...there wasn't much left to call a "wolf" when I was through with him, mess of blood and fur would be more accurate...to this day...I have a good amount of bloodlust and can be "violent" when I shift, not to other Were's, but I hunt when in wolf form sometimes...and that's another major strike against shifting in presence of other people I guess...
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Well tbh she's a furry now, kinda ditched her werewolf side so its obvious she was just doing it as a fad then anything else :S she EVEN TRIED SELLING HER WEREWOLF SELF PORTRAIT AS A RANDOM FURRY CHARACTER.... who does that? O_O me and her were in the same pack, we all were given names to seperate ourselves from our human title. We were encouraged to do some soul searching and self discovery and thats how I learn't what my wolf self looks like. And she just put up a pic of her werewolf self, with the name and tried selling the character and that piece of art as just a "fursona". It was upsetting :C
When in a close circle of friends you gotta be careful who genuinly has an awakening. I mean hell, if I tell people of my lucid dreaming suddenyl they can lucid dream too! XD my other half claimed he could lucid dream- that was until I explained what lucid dreaming was and then he shut up. So when it comes to awakening sometimes I feel its best not to tell a soul as you'll either be ridiculed or they'll wanna be differant too and fake awakenings- like teen wolves and all that. Any experiances like that with friends?
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Well tbh she's a furry now, kinda ditched her werewolf side so its obvious she was just doing it as a fad then anything else :S she EVEN TRIED SELLING HER WEREWOLF SELF PORTRAIT AS A RANDOM FURRY CHARACTER.... who does that? O_O me and her were in the same pack, we all were given names to seperate ourselves from our human title. We were encouraged to do some soul searching and self discovery and thats how I learn't what my wolf self looks like. And she just put up a pic of her werewolf self, with the name and tried selling the character and that piece of art as just a "fursona". It was upsetting :C
When in a close circle of friends you gotta be careful who genuinly has an awakening. I mean hell, if I tell people of my lucid dreaming suddenyl they can lucid dream too! XD my other half claimed he could lucid dream- that was until I explained what lucid dreaming was and then he shut up. So when it comes to awakening sometimes I feel its best not to tell a soul as you'll either be ridiculed or they'll wanna be differant too and fake awakenings- like teen wolves and all that. Any experiances like that with friends?
Yup, unfortunately...they have no idea that I can tell who is genuinely in an M-shift and who is not and who is just faking...
I can lucid dream, and that's not just cuz you said it! I have conscious control of my D-shifts...I can shift in my dream if I want and try to unshift (but that's harder)...I know I'm dreaming in human-form, and can control the direction I want my dream to go...
It's that "wolfie see, wolfie do" thing...like when I started to be a Goth and listen to Combichrist...bingo, all my non-pack friends did it to fit in w/ me...
I did that to know what I am, that's how I know I'm an Arctic Wolf...but I don't have a separate name for my wolf though..she'd probably LOVE to try sell my Werewolf personality to people if she could as a fursona...
I should choose a seperate name for it though...any ideas? I'm blank right now...long day...
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Yeah I've NEVER willfully come out of a shift whilst dreaming. It just happens O_o; I'd love to learn how to come out of a shift so I can have total control of my shifts. And dude you just gained MORE epic points... Combi ftw <3
How do you know a fake M-shift to a real M-shift? (should prolly take this to pm) n,n;
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Yeah I've NEVER willfully come out of a shift whilst dreaming. It just happens O_o; I'd love to learn how to come out of a shift so I can have total control of my shifts. And dude you just gained MORE epic points... Combi ftw <3
How do you know a fake M-shift to a real M-shift? (should prolly take this to pm) n,n;
I can, but rarely and it takes a long time...I dream multiple dreams a night, some wolf, some human...
Combi, one of my fav. bands...Wolfies listening to "Throat Full Of Glass" right nows and inner wolf is in a total relaxation state... :-P Sanguine and Moonspell is also very good...
I can tell by the actions, how "natural" they are, a lot of fake M-shifts are to over the top...they try too hard...another wolf see, wolf do...they see me shift and when I shift, I howl...a lot, then they start to as well = total fake...
And now, let us move this to PM, before T comes in here with that 22-inch carbon steel stick she talked about (or maybe I'll stay... :evil:)
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Azzy, Thank you for the Modification of your post, and your Apology to the members, I'm sure they appreciate this as well.
But were talking of shifting too, isn't that still *somewhat* related to Awakening?
I can tell by the actions, how "natural" they are, a lot of fake M-shifts are to over the top...they try too hard...another wolf see, wolf do...they see me shift and when I shift, I howl...a lot, then they start to as well = total fake...
Yes, Shifting is related to this topic.
But the other tangents aren't. :wink:
How can you tell the difference? I mean, proof wise.
Sure, just based on actions you can make the claim... but, is it something you can feel? See?
I can see a person's Animal, the same some can see Auras.
Like, for someone with Totems, the Animal(s) surround them, or are sortof formed off of their Aura.
With say, an Ailuranthrope or Lycanthrope, I can see their Animal as if it is their Aura.
Is that something close to how you can tell?
Sorry T ^_^; atleast no one can say you're being slack with your job ;P
More on topic, my friend had the weirdest way of informing me she was a "werewolf" I say that as I don't think she was being genuine.
And she just put up a pic of her werewolf self, with the name and tried selling the character and that piece of art as just a "fursona". It was upsetting
When in a close circle of friends you gotta be careful who genuinly has an awakening
Hehe, I try to take at least my boards seriously... :-D
That's rather disappointing Bane, I'm sorry about that.
But you're right, you do have to be careful. As Arctic pointed out, Monkey See Monkey Do...
But, it's not Just a way of fitting in. It can fall into that phenomenon like Yawning. You see someone Yawn, and you want to as well...
Or knowing of people with a certain Illness, and then you suddenly become very aware of it, and feel as if you might have it, too...
So when you see something, like an Awakening, and you feel even a hint, you automatically believe it to be Absolute.
The rest of your mind with pick up and fill in the pieces...
Power of Thought.
Don't think about the Elephant.
Thought about the Elephant, yeah?
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Damnit... I thought about the elephant XD
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I can see a person's Animal, the same some can see Auras.
Like, for someone with Totems, the Animal(s) surround them, or are sortof formed off of their Aura.
With say, an Ailuranthrope or Lycanthrope, I can see their Animal as if it is their Aura.
I can sense energies, people that have animal spirits give off the energy of their animal...I can always tell...and when a Were M-shifts, their natural wolf energy is totally noticeable (amplified), but when its fake...it's not...I give them the benifit of the doubt, but when they start to copy me, I have to break the bad news...that they're not a Were...Therian, maybe, but def. not a Were...
Sometimes when I say that...they start to act extra "wolfy" all the time, as if to prove me wrong...it's kind of comical and flattering actually :-P
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Being a Werewolf or Lycanthrope is being a Therianthrope, darling.
Do you mean that they are a different kind of Therianthrope?
Like a I mentioned? ( ie: Ailuranthrope / Feline type Shifter )
I'd be flattered, too I'm sure.
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Being a Werewolf or Lycanthrope is being a Therianthrope, darling.
Do you mean that they are a different kind of Therianthrope?
Like a I mentioned? ( ie: Ailuranthrope / Feline type Shifter )
I'd be flattered, too I'm sure.
*Growls and shakes head* I didn't word that right! It's been an...emotionally trying day for me (to say the least)...I meant to say that they may not be a Were/Therian, but they could have a totem...they may not be able to shift, but the spirit may still be there as well...
The last Therian I helped in person (not online) was my best-friend (now pack-member) Dom...he can't shift, but he still has the raccoon spirit, instinct and mannerisms...that was the only big "friend-fallout" we had all HS (surprisingly), him trying to be a Were, when he wasn't...that's why I said that it flattered me...Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery XD
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*Growls and shakes head* I didn't word that right! It's been an...emotionally trying day for me (to say the least)...I meant to say that they may not be a Were/Therian, but they could have a totem...they may not be able to shift, but the spirit may still be there as well...
I'm sorry hon, it seems you have alot of stress lately.
You know this isn't going to help your other side, or your other "half" :wink:
Totem is also very likely for those that might feel a "tug" or something when you shift.
Maybe with some practice, you might be able to feel this in people as well?
A friend of mine shared her story with me after checking out this site.
She doesn't want her full Awakening posted here, and I don't blame her, it's a bit ...*cough* Rated R, at least.
But I have permission to share the sensation part of it.
"Have you ever laid down on the beach, right where the ocean can wash up over your feet? You can feel the grit of the hot sand underneath forming around you to make a bed specifically for you and your body, can feel the cold hit the soles of your feet and your ankles, sending a tingling chill up your legs and over your stomach. Imagine laying there for hours, eventually the tide comes up, so the water washes over your hips and parts of your belly... the sand around you is no longer warm, and in fact you can't even really feel it now. Take that, and squish it into just a few minutes. Waves of this... warm to cold, warm to cold and tingly all over sensation just ripples from your toes to your nose.
One of those times, that sensation washes over you all at once, and instead of fading it becomes stronger, and soaks into your skin, to your bones, to your soul. You can feel that soul tingled into weightlessness, tingled loose, so that it moves up and out of you. Then it slowly transforms, takes a new shape...
That tingling sensation is the wind as I'm soaring over the ocean... it's fantastic, this ultimate freedom of swooping and diving. I let out a shriek of joy"
( deleted, deleted, lots deleted here.. )
"and then, it's as if even my soul is content, and it slowly circles back down, retaking a shape that resembles what I see in the mirror, Not what I look like, but what I think I look like. I'm back in my body, and I can feel the ocean swirling and tugging at me... I'm not quite on the sand anymore, and half of me is completely submerged in the water."
( the rest of this is deleted, as well. )
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*Growls and shakes head* I didn't word that right! It's been an...emotionally trying day for me (to say the least)...I meant to say that they may not be a Were/Therian, but they could have a totem...they may not be able to shift, but the spirit may still be there as well...
I'm sorry hon, it seems you have alot of stress lately.
You know this isn't going to help your other side, or your other "half" :wink:
Totem is also very likely for those that might feel a "tug" or something when you shift.
Maybe with some practice, you might be able to feel this in people as well?
A friend of mine shared her story with me after checking out this site.
She doesn't want her full Awakening posted here, and I don't blame her, it's a bit ...*cough* Rated R, at least.
But I have permission to share the sensation part of it.
"Have you ever laid down on the beach, right where the ocean can wash up over your feet? You can feel the grit of the hot sand underneath forming around you to make a bed specifically for you and your body, can feel the cold hit the soles of your feet and your ankles, sending a tingling chill up your legs and over your stomach. Imagine laying there for hours, eventually the tide comes up, so the water washes over your hips and parts of your belly... the sand around you is no longer warm, and in fact you can't even really feel it now. Take that, and squish it into just a few minutes. Waves of this... warm to cold, warm to cold and tingly all over sensation just ripples from your toes to your nose.
One of those times, that sensation washes over you all at once, and instead of fading it becomes stronger, and soaks into your skin, to your bones, to your soul. You can feel that soul tingled into weightlessness, tingled loose, so that it moves up and out of you. Then it slowly transforms, takes a new shape...
That tingling sensation is the wind as I'm soaring over the ocean... it's fantastic, this ultimate freedom of swooping and diving. I let out a shriek of joy"
( deleted, deleted, lots deleted here.. )
"and then, it's as if even my soul is content, and it slowly circles back down, retaking a shape that resembles what I see in the mirror, Not what I look like, but what I think I look like. I'm back in my body, and I can feel the ocean swirling and tugging at me... I'm not quite on the sand anymore, and half of me is completely submerged in the water."
( the rest of this is deleted, as well. )
Considering my uncle's funeral was today...yes very stressed...
Read some of my posts again...the PG-13 to Rated-R ones, and tell me it doesn't have an affect *poke* :-P
T, that is an awesome description of what it must be to shift to a bird...and I've realized I haven't described how it feels when I shift to a wolf...well, I'se gonna remedy that right now!
I meditate out in the forest...an hour north of where I live, and I lay out a pentagram, and light candles around it in the proper order and sit within the pentagram...focusing on that part of myself that almost no-one else knows about...the inner wolf...I focus on it and try to be one with it, I think of how the wolf must feel right now...it feels trapped, caged...I start to think "alright how would my wolf think"...my thoughts go from English or French and slide down into more and more of the pictures, events and instinct that rule the wolfen mind...I start to breath faster, and feel myself transform...though I probably look the same to others, I feel that I am becoming more quadreipdal, I'm more comfrotable on all fours, I start to feel more furry, and I feel that I have ears and a tail where I normally don't...I start to get that liberated feeling, that since of freedom and connection to nature, It's almost a high...(CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED!)
I feel like my blood is on FIRE! I need to run, and I need to make wolf noises, I NEED to growl, snarl and more specifically HOWL at the top my lungs...I don't think of why, I just do it...a wolf doesn't think of such things as WHY?...All my senses are extremely heightened...I don't need glasses, my already ample hearing (from being a musician and a DJ) is increased to unbelievable proportions and I can smell things that must be more than a mile away at times...Wolfie needs to run, to hunt, to howl, to snarl...to be as much wolf as possible...all his instincts are heightened, his rage does nothing but make him feel more like a wolf and more liberated...his bloodlust makes him hunt, whether he is successful or not...(and let us censor the rest, please!)
I fall asleep as a wolf alot, outside, in the forest, my natural home where I belong...in a supreme state of relaxation and contentedness...and I wake up in a more relaxed state than I was in before as a person and still have that "high" a bit for most of the rest of the day...
Now, who else thinks I'm gonna be top of the 2014 class for an English major :wink:
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Thanks for sharing hon. :-D
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Thanks for sharing hon. :-D
Is that sincere or the 22-inch stick poking me again :-P *poke*
You're welcome...considering a lot of it had to be censored *Wolf laughs*
I was as honest as I could be within the site guidelines...
Oh, and about something earlier...
You know this isn't going to help your other side, or your other "half"
My posts in the Inferno and Furry threads should prove what kind of affect that all this crap is having on my inner wolf!
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I feel almost humbled that so many of ya can share such an amazing feeling. I'm almost ashamed of who and what I am, because I was such a stupid kid when I agreed to a ritual I knew nothing about. See, I use to study necromancy and some of the darker things in witchcraft and voodoo. I might share soon, but it was less an awakening, more a falling.
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Well, the fact that you say 'use to' means that you no longer do. That could, in a sense, be seen as an awakening.
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I feel almost humbled that so many of ya can share such an amazing feeling. I'm almost ashamed of who and what I am, because I was such a stupid kid when I agreed to a ritual I knew nothing about. See, I use to study necromancy and some of the darker things in witchcraft and voodoo. I might share soon, but it was less an awakening, more a falling.
At least u have found your way back...and as V stated, that is an awakening, in the general sense...not in the sense my wolf-half was awakened, but still one, nonetheless :)