A short poem

[thefang1]

A short poem that I'm quite literally writing on-the-spot because I have a little extra time on my hands.  A little feedback would be nice, but I would appreciate it if everyone was civilized and helpful in their critiquing of my work, not just mean and nasty.  I think I'll call it "Destiny", but I'm not sure yet.  Plus, I don't know if the name's already taken by some other piece. *sigh* looks like I'm going to have to do some searching.

Life isn't full of choices,
It just isn't anymore,
The only way to go is,
Through another open door.

I'm walking on a pathway,
it just doesn't seem quite right,
It seems that I'm being led,
To another losing fight.

I want to feel the freedom,
To escape from all the chains,
To walk away all on my own,
And escape from all the pains.

Destiny is depressing,
It takes out all the fun,
What's the point in doing,
What's already been done?

[Petling]

Beautiful!!! Story of my whole freaking life right there.

[Daemonin]

That's awesome!  I like it.  And it's very true.

[Moloch]

We seem to be quite a magnet for young authors here!

You have a lot of potential here Fang. Keep practicing. You can look at my thread and see that I wasn't near as good when I started here as I am now. Keep up the good work!

[thefang1]

Thanks.  I will do that Moloch.  And just so you know, despite the fact that this is my first writing on these forums and it was done in about five minutes, I do practice a lot. My first poems were more like epics.  Then I started writing about the world, and my life, and whatever seems to be on my mind.  That "destiny" concept is something that's been on my mind lately.  Everything seems so GODDMAMN planned out.  I met the girl of my dreams, only to discover that she had a probably in which I was intimately well versed.  We were together for a few months and the only way was up, until her feelings for me mysteriously vanished.  I have issues that make my life laughable to anyone with even the slightest hint of sadism in their blood, none of which are my fault.  And it seems that every opportunity I get is just another thing to raise my hope just a fraction of an inch, just so it can be beat down another foot.

[Moloch]

I know only too well, as you will likely see if you read my material. Rest easy, things can only get worse for so long, before you realize that it's so bad that it can only get worse. At that point, you're dead. So, don't kill yourself, k. By the way, while I am an extremely sadistic person, I tend to shy away from things like what you described. Mainly out of respect due to having been there myself.

[thefang1]

I hit rock-bottom a long time ago.  I haven't quite reached there again since, but I've come close.  Suicide has become almost a joke to me.  I'm sorry to anyone who's presently contemplating it or may in the future or ever did, but it is.  I'm sorry.  I almost did it once, but I stopped myself and said, "Why give whatever divine sadistic bastard that did this the satisfaction?"  And so I stopped myself, and have been using it as a pick-me-up ever since.  I'm a very spiteful person when it comes to the cruel and unjust, so even if I am at heart an atheist, it's far easier to consume the depression with anger than just let it take over.

[Kadesh]

 I love the poem. Very expressive. My personal feelings on destiny... It might be 'destined' to happen to me... but who's to say I can't poke a few eyes out on my way? 

[Petling]

Lolz, very good Kadesh. You hit it right on the nail head.

[Kadesh]

 Thank you! I do what I can...

That's what made me make up the saying "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can still poke your eye out!!"

[Kadesh]

 Thefang1 has placed all of his poetry in one thread and it may be viewed and discussed at the following link.

http://www.monstrous.com/forum/index.php/topic,5992.0.html