Author Topic: was this a dream a out of body experieince or something more entirely?  (Read 535 times)

redwolfbear
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i hoenstly dont know what to think of this matter.

was it a tripping dream? some kind of out of body experience gone awry? or something more then theat entirely?

i was 26 years old at the time i had this dream.

i was 25 years old the ay i lost my wild brother bandit to death

he had died saving my life on a cold winter night when i had wanted nothign less then to bring about a swift and painless end to this depressing life of grief , pain and suffering that i had been forced to live over the years asa victim of  religious persecution  rape and gaybashing

i was 26 years old when i had this dream?  it was a full year to the day that i had lost my older brother bandit to death at the time it happened


it was my first time getting seriously drunk on a mix of hard liquor rum and spirits and try as i might i had fought the depression over time but eventally it just over came me all together and i somehow got to thinking that my life had become a kind of living prison over time from which true death itself was perhaps my only escape at the time

to be quite honest on the matter i trace this severe depression i had at the time  to these incident which i was made to experience throughout my child hood and my years as a teenager


i was sexually molested and raped by a male pedophile at the age of 5

i was emotionally and verbally abused by my own mother over my refusing her christian religion from the age of 6 to the age of 18

i was damn near gang raped my first month in jnr high at the age of 13  and was gay bashed all through jnr and snr high school up to the tiem i graduated at the age of 18

this on top of the fact that i was living my young life as the only blacksheep non christian bisexual/turned over time gay relative in a severely homophobic overly conservatively christian family.
 

to be quite honest i am shocked i di not turn out to be some kind of psychotic nutcase intthe loony bin over time


honestly i dont know if it was jsut a wild tripping drea? a out of body experieince gone horribly awry? or something more then that entirely?

all l i know is ive sworn off drinking all together and i have not touched the stuff sense and i have been living my life stone cold sober for the past 8 years


it was a full year to the day that my wild brother bandit had died and i was just not strong enough to go on living my life without him.
 





That night as I passed out and dreamed I found myself waking up in bed
 
i got out of bed fell over the blankets and leaned my body over the front edge of the bed using it for a arm support rest to hoist myself to my feet and thats when i saw my own body still in bed. boy did i ever freak out
 
there i was starign at my own body and from the looks of it it wasnt breathing and i was going nuts at that point.
 
next thing i know i hear this whining sound like someone had left a dog just outside the hallway by the bedroom door i walk over to it wondering what exactly is going on open the door to the hallway and the next thing i know i see this malamute wolf mix that loosk exactly like bandit. i did not know what to do or what to think of the situation . laughed i cried and then i jsut hugged him aroudn the neck happy to actually see his person not knowing if i was alive or dead and not really carign on the matter at that point which one it wasjust so long as i could be with my brother bandit again
 
he took my right hand in his mouth and led me out into the hallway outside my room
 
He led me to a mirror in a darkened hallway of the house. He walked towards it and as he placed his right front paw on it the mirrors surface began toglow with this incredibly bright white light like the entire hallway was bieng filled with it and then its surfaced began to ripple like water. he walked forward into and through the mirrors surface.
 
Not knowing what to think I walked up to the mirror and saw Bandit staring at me as he stood up on his hind legs and placed his front paws against the mirrors surfac from the inside of the mirror itself and I placed both of mine on the mirror as well over his paws reflection
 
As I found myself walking into crossing through the mirrors surface to the other side he hooked his front paws over my shoulders as i stepped out of the mirror into the inside of it
 
I stand at 6 foot 3 inches tall at my full height and in life bandit always was a unusually large canine as wolf dog wolamutes go and he always did stand a full head taller then me. at that point in the dream everything went from wierd to wierder as his body somehow began to shift into a semi liquid like state and began to cover my entire body. for some reason i must have passed out because it all went black at that point in the dream
 

honestly i did not know if i was alive or dead at the time the whol thing happened all i know is that i was with bandit again and that i was happy so long as i could stay with him

all i was thinking in my mind as i floated in this black nothingness was that come what may if this truly was my time to die i was whole heartedly determined to stay by bandits side throughout eternity and what ever may come  over time

 When I came too in the dream I noticed that I was still able to breath all right but with me being all alone inside the mirror. At that point in the dream i looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw bandits reflection instead. it took a moment for me to figure out that I was seeing everything from his mind and viewpoint . It actually felt like we had become melded into a single living being in both body as well as mind in the dream at that point. and for some reason i was seeing what looked like bandits reflection in the mirror but the biggest differance was that his/my /our reflection in the mirror. for some reason i/he/we looked likesome kind of semi human anthro wolf like creature in overall bodybuild as i stopped staring at his/my/our reflection and stepped through and out of the mirror.

to my best personel recollection this is what i rmemeber of the dream concerning my appearance

i had a cousine of mine sketch this picture over time


http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/293026_378473855507774_100000354892820_1239530_1399181962_n.jpg

any ways there i was in a dream actually finding myself having become in outward appearancee the very kind of aniaml like person i had always saw myself as most wanting to be on the inside in my mind.


 in that moment in the dream i swear i felt like i was seeing everything through bandits eyes from his own personel point of view it was like i was even seeing his memories of my life through his own eyese in a whoe life flashes before your eyes kind of way

it was to be honest a incredible experience
 
other then the fact i honestly did not know if i was alive or dieing or if it was all just a very wierd out of body experience or a dream i was perfectly happy with how it was all playing out up to that point
 
If everything in the dream was wierder by that point it went to wierdest after I stepped out of the mirror and actually found Bandit flowing /splitting off of my body like i was being torn in two and remade into two seperate persons from one body. For some reason I was still seeing everything happen from his viewpoint after the split had finished happening.
 
turning to face him i noticed that even after stepping outside the mirror that he was still the wolf like semi human creature i had saw in the reflection from inside the mirror. i went and wraped both my arms around his neck and just cried as I explained to him everythng that had happened to me in that years time as he remained quite and lsitend to what i had to say to him
 

eventually he spoke to me in my mind through the bond that had developed between his person and myself and told me that i must be there for my parents and my brother as a family guardian to them as he had always been there for me as mine as my protective older brother which he had always been to me in life.
 
that night i experienced for myself in that dream what it means to be truly loved, by my wild brother one final time as I play fought with him. When I woke up the next morning I was sore all over and was so exhausted to the point that i just slept in bed all day. I found myself having taken from the dream a sense of personel closure on the matter
 
to be hoenst the whoel experiecne in the dream everythign that happened betwen myself and bandit i nthe dream it felt like full body sensory over load like everysingle cell in my body was soemhow brimming over and exploding with some kind of powerful energy to be heonst it felt like a part of my being had gone missing over that years time but had eventually foudn its way back to my being
 

all i know is that it felt like i had lsot a part of my own soul over that years tie and when i woke upfrom that dream it flet like i was a diferant person liek i was no logner depressed at all . i had my self confidecne back which was something i had always been lacking since the age of 5 due to my being raped at that age by a pedophile and to be honest i been living my lfie with a certain recklessly fearless devil may care attitude and to hell with wherever the chips may fall. all i know is i never looked back since that night i had that dream .
 
to be heonst i dont feel alone anymore. perhaps its just wishful thinking but i think bandit reall ywas watchign over me at the time asa kind of guardian spriit /spirit guide to my person.
 
ive been giving certain relatives notice and puting other relatives in thier palce with my fists over time recently . ifeel like ive been given a new lease on life and the opportunity to live my lfie asa differnat person when it comes to my recentt change in attitude over time. ive settled the past with my parents over time recent ly and got no problem living my lfie right now asa bad to the bone badd ass mother farker wh odont take s**t from nothing or no one in life i a hard fighting gentle and rough loving kind of guy and im a doinant top and a bear wolf at that. im a party aniaml and a deep thinker all roled into one. i dont know what life will throw my way next but it oguth to be fun
 

honetly i dont know how i survived that deth like stupor but i thank bandit every day for watching out for me over time
 
i know that i want to really read up on heathenism and if possible learn whatever i can on the matter so that i can fully convert to it from christianity over time.
 
to be honest ive completly cut god out of my life for all the grif he brought into it over time forcing me to live my life asa victim for so many year as victim throughtout my child hood and teen years.
 
to be hoenst i feel i have a great deal less stress in my life since i forcibly removed god chrsitainity and christ from my life.
 
im through living my life with these grieviances in it and i want no part of gods will his trials or his ribulations if this isd the only way i can forcibly remove all those things from my life then so be it.
 
for now i am going to actually enjoy living my lfie on my terms for the time being